I go to a university where there are two people in a room as roommates and the other two people are suitemates (we live in a suite). My roommate and I started off pretty close. I was also really close to one of my two suitemates. All of a sudden, my roommate and suitemate became best friends. I have no problem with that, but they team up against me a lot. My roommate barely says 2 words to me, same with my suitemate. I have become closer with my other suitemate because she gets the cold shoulder like I do sometimes but here is the situation: every time I walk into the living room and they are there, they suddenly go quiet and change subjects or just stop talking altogether and then once I leave the living room, they start whispering to each other. They are also VERY exclusive towards me and don’t include me in really anything. Also, I like to get to bed early because I am a nursing student and I need my sleep, but every time I go to sleep, they get really loud in the living room and obviously forget or don’t care that I am sleeping. They don’t drink, they just scream and laugh All. Night. Long. This goes on even well past midnight on school nights and weekends. It never ends. I have told them time and time again to please keep the noise level down past 10 since that is the campus wide rule, but they laugh it off and scoff. It is very upsetting and annoying. They say to each other WHILE I AM SLEEPING (and i can hear them through the wall) how weird it is that I go to bed early and study elsewhere (weird, right!?). I also feel very unwelcome every time I enter the living room, so I have been spending most of my time either in my room, at a campus coffee shop, library, etc. to study just so I don’t have to be around them. It sucks because my parents are paying good money for me to live on campus, yet I don’t even feel welcome in my own living room…I was also involved in an accident over Christmas break and now they say they don’t want me around them because they don’t want to hear people ask what happened and I tell them the story of what happened to me. I came seconds away from death, SECONDS! And they somehow view me as a burden searching for pity when I am not. They falsely assume things about me that aren’t true. I have tried so hard to include them and be friends, but the deed is never returned. Help me! What should I do???
Can you switch rooms so that these 2 have one room and you and the other suite mate have the other? That might relieve some of the stress.
I’d also suggest switching rooms so those two can share together.
They sound immature. I’d try to ignore them as best you can and really not put much effort into them. Look for friends elsewhere. They sound petty and catty and really aren’t worth your time and energy.
Get some ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones for the noise. If you truly feel it is excessive, talk to them about it and get an RA involved if need be but I’d only go that route as a last resort. You only have 4 more months of living with them.
How to solve roommate problems:
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Think about the reasonableness of your request. Not having people scream after midnight is reasonable.
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Take steps to ameliorate the situation yourself. Try earplugs, white noise app, and a loud alarm clock.
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Discuss issue with Roommate. Check
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See if roommate is compromising…No, he they won’t stop.
5)Think about what you want to the end result to be…that works for both of you. For example: Quiet time after 10:00 per school rules. -
Go to RA. State the issue, state that you have talked to roommate (because they will ask), state that you have tried other steps (like earplugs) and ask for help in resolving the situation. “RA, I would like to get your advice on figuring out a resolution to an issue I am having with my roommate. .”
Most likely they will come up with a roommate contract for you both to sign.
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Follow the contract…and if your roommate doesn’t, then go back to the RA. If your roommate retaliates, go back to the RA.
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If RA doesn’t follow through or is useless, see if there is a different RA in your building. If not, go to the Housing office. Explain you have gone through the “chain of command”…that is, you talked to your roommate and then the RA but the issue still exists and it is preventing you from sleeping.
I asked my RA if we are able to swap rooms and she said no unfortunately because we are paying for the rooms that we are assigned…great suggestion, though. Thanks!
Thanks everyone for your input and support! I will gladly take all your advice!
Hug for you!
I wouldn’t assume the RA has the final word. If all 4 of you can agree that switching roommates would make sense, I would approach the area director or head of the housing office whoever is the next level up over the RAs. You should make clear that you how you are feeling and how it is effecting your sleep, studies and health. Good luck
I would think that if the 4 of you go to Residential Life together that they should have no issue with your swapping rooms within the suite.
They are extremely immature and they are engaging in relational bullying. Forget about RAs, roommate contract, trying to be reasonable, or trying to work things out. These immature girls do NOT WANT to work things out. The only thing to do is to disengage. Ignore them. Try to get a room change and a suite change. That nonsense about paying for this exact room is ridiculous. Students change rooms all the time. Do not spend an ounce of energy trying to work things out. Just ignore them and take steps to get away from them.
Get ear plugs and set a loud alarm on the nights they are noisy. Too bad if your roommate doesn’t like it the next morning; if she complains, tell her you need to do it because they were too loud in the common area the night before for you to sleep.
Make arrangements to room with the suite mate you like next year if you can’t move now.
My daughter also likes to go to sleep early. She bought one of those white noise machines that therapists’ offices have. She said it helps a lot.
Has the second semester begun? If it is about to, or just has, maybe this could be a time to change rooms entirely, as they may have people moving in or out for the semester.
You might go to the housing office and say that you have tried to work things out, and that you can manage to ignore them if it’s absolutely necessary for four months, but that a change in living situation would really improve things for you. Might not be possible, but it would probably be satisfying to just pack up and get out if you can.
It is a give and take situation, and that your asking of your roommate and suitemate to be quiet after 10PM might be regarded by them as arrogant or not cooperative (in their point/just as your point that that’s what they do). The things you can do to help alleviate the tension might be as someone described above to use earplugs/noise app, or might even to change your own sleep habit to theirs (I assume that you are still a student and not already a practice nurse who have to man the early shift. When they see you compromise, they might be doing that too. If they don’t, then they are just mean. Then you should try to avoid them.
Speaking as a person who had 11 roommates in a 12 person single room growing up attending junior college in other country and later in the army with 30 to 100 people in a common area. Eventually you have to learn to adjust yourself to your surrounding environment but not the other way around; the rule of survival of the fittest. I do know your feel. My D’s best friend was bossed around by one her roommate to a point that she had to cry to my D for the last two weeks of last semester, but still learn a couple things about real life away from home will help you deal things much better in life.