socializing with suitemates problems

Student Lounge College Life
1

Hi everyone! I am a girl! I’ve searched on the internet with various search words, but I can’t find any advice relevant to my situation, and I find the posts I read on here both constructive and pleasant. So I would be honored on any thoughts you have.

So I live in a suite. Everyone is so friendly and pleasant and they are also relatively close. Not like best friends, but they made the conscious decision to live together that year because they lived on the this same floor before and got to know each other. But they are seriously so friendly I think at least two of them gave me random hugs haha.

One of the girls is from my high school and she is also super nice and we were actually roommates freshman year in this same dorm; now in my junior year I moved back, and since she stayed on the floor from the beginning till now, she had a say in who got to live where, so I got to be in a suite with her and all the awesome friendly people.

At the beginning of the year (September) I was looking forwards to get to know them and we chatted and also like a fourth of the way through the semester I hung out in one of their rooms and talked with some of them for an hour or two.

However, I became stressed, and the semester became busier, and I have acted pretty antisocial towards them. Of course I have done this before in my other living places, but I never thought about it as much. You know how you see your suitemates whether you want to or not because you pass by each other when going toward the bathroom or just passing through the lounge area or cooking in the kitchen, etc.? Well that’s what happens anyways. Everytime they are so friendly that they always talk to me, sometimes just a comment, sometimes actual potential conversations which I know are important to get to know people and get closer to them. , But I always make short answers and hurry to end the conversation as smoothly as possible(aka not really) and then run to my room. Also, many of them work in the lounge. Sometimes they are all speaking a different language so it’s not too big a deal, but when my friend from high school and another suitemate who just speak english go to the lounge to work, it’s a chance to join them, but I don’t want to; not only can i not concentrate on my work, but I also would feel pressured to make conversation.

It’s not that I’m completely bad at socializing I think, despite being naturally introverted; when I know it is what I must do and I have no deadlines, I will direct all my efforts and usually I can make a few friends and good conversations in social setting. I also have no problem with my being antisocial when I have finals or tests or homework to do. But what I feel really bad about is when I don’t even have anything totally pressing, all I want to do is go and do what I want (by myself) to rest my mind and myself in general. Socializing, for me, is not relaxing, no matter how nice the people.

If you read all this, THANKSSS. I guess my question is…am I the one being weird? And please, any comments/advice in general would go such a long way!

–Girl

2

It’s fine. I think you’re overthinking it. People get busy and stressed, and don’t always have as much time for socializing. That’s fine. If you’re happy with the way things are going, then keep doing it. If you feel like you want to become closer friends when them, then perhaps you should schedule in something to do with them. Ask if they want to grab dinner or see a movie or something and spend some time with them outside of the suite. Schedule it into your study plan so that you don’t stress about needing to study during that time.

3

I agree with the suggestions above. It’s completely normal, you don’t have to be like everyone else. I have friends like that too. They are more self disciplined than I am and can be perfectly content with spending time by themselves, even if its just relaxing and watching netflix. That’s a good thing, in my opinion, and I admire them for it. In contrast, I am much more easily distracted and will socialize before getting work done. I just enjoy whatever time I have with them and recognize that some people need their personal space, that doesn’t make us any less friends. Since you sound like an organized person, why not schedule things when you know that you don’t have deadlines so you won’t feel guilty about hanging out with them? Or simply talking to them about your feelings so they understand it is nothing personal. There’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, and if it works for you great.

4

Introverts simply re-charge and relax differently than extroverts. You might want to explain that to your suitemates though. Also, you might be a personality type that is only 2% of so of the population, and that could make you feel different. Check out http://www.16personalities.com/ to figure out your personality type, and you can share the results witih your suitemates so they can understand you better also.

5

Thank you so much for the advice! I will definitely use your advice!

6

You should definitely share with them. In person is best but if you can’t swing it, send them a note. I am an extrovert and I used to take it personally if someone acted the way you have. I just didn’t understand. But then I made a friend who was an introvert and I learned so much from her. I learned how to slow down and give her time to interact with me instead of constantly talking the way extroverts do and moving from topic to topic. I also learned to not take it personally when she just needed her quiet time, that she recharged that way where I recharge talking to people. She also learned out to be a little more outgoing from me and how to make small talk. You could really learn from them and they could learn from you but you need to educate them about what’s hard for you and it doesn’t mean you don’t like them. Maybe you need simpler things to do together like getting a coffee together as a break from studying. You can let them help you brainstorm. Extroverts like that. Hang in there, you’ll get there.