My roommate won't help take care of our apartment

College Life
3

You’ve got two options:

  1. Move out.
  2. Start setting boundaries with your roommate.

Option 2 may end up leading back to option 1 anyway, but if you want to try, there are some adjustments you can make.

First question: it sounds like you were in the apartment already, and your grandmother moved out and your new roommate moved in. Are you the lease-holder? is your roommate on the lease? If she is not, do you have a sublease? If your roommate is not on the lease and you don’t have a sublease, you need to sign a sublease agreement. You can find a template on the Internet. The most important part of that is to get a security deposit. It doesn’t have to be large - it can be $500, not even all of the rent, but it should be enough to cover any damage or cleaning you have to do after you move out so you don’t lose your entire security deposit. She sounds like the kind of person who would leave a mess at lease end for you to either clean up or lose money.

You need to sit down with your roommate, have a serious Adult conversation, and draw up a roommate contract. (You can make the roommate contract part of the sublease agreement if you have to do one, I believe.) It may help for you to practice saying things ahead of time with your friends or boyfriend or parents. Your roommate needs to agree to do her fair share of chores in the apartment. Maybe you draw up a weekly schedule for washing the dishes or maybe you divide the chores into “yours” and “mine” (she always washes the dishes while you always clean the bathroom and take out the trash or whatever makes sense). The division of labor should be mutually decided, discussed, but it needs to happen and it should be FAIR.

  1. Find your voice and tell her no. If she is not adhering to the contract, refuse to do her dishes. If she asks, just say “Jane, I would if you also did mine, but you don’t so I will continue to just do mine.” When she talks about bringing her dog, say “No, Jane; that would violate our lease and maybe lead to us getting evicted. If you bring your dog I will report you to the landlord, so please don’t box me in a corner.” If there is anything that she asks you to do for her that you know that you will resent doing later, say no.

  2. Stop doing things for her. If HER family is coming and she does not clean up before they arrive, don’t do it for her. If you are about to move apartments and she doesn’t pack her things, do not move them - and when the landlord gets rid of them, tell them it’s because they weren’t packed so you thought she did not want them (and charge her for any cleaning fees that the landlord charges you).

  3. Decide which things you are not going to worry about because they are Not Your Business. If your roommate spends money frivolously, that’s her problem as long as she’s paying her rent on time. If you want her to go in jointly on household purchases like a TV, you need to ask her about that and agree to it - you can’t just expect her to do it.

As for the cat…cross that bridge when you get there. You can take the cat with you when you graduate and find an awesome rescue organization to rehome the cat for you. If neither of you can take the cat, refer to Adult Conversation - put in the roommate contract how you will provide care for the cat over breaks. Either you need to find a responsible friend to care for the cat or you need to split the cost of pet boarding.