My SAT Prep Essay

Test Preparation
1

<p>I've been very worried about my SAT score so I decided to buy the CollegeBoard SAT Prep book. Only now do I realize that because school doesn't start in a month, there is no one to grade my essay. If any of you guys are willing to grade my essay or just read through it and give me headers/tips, I would very much appreciate it. (It is the first practice essay test on the CollegeBoard book)</p>

<p>Prompt:
Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge --even if they are experts or leaders in their field-- makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong answers.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is it important to question the ideas and decision of people in positions of authority? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your proposition with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>My Response Essay:
Questioning actions of authority is frowned upon by some governments and is said to be "rebellion." But to question authority as citizens of the state is actually a necessity of the success of government. Are not those in authority human? Governments are consisted of people that make mistakes like the rest of us.</p>

<p>The United States of America was established by the questioning of government. The States had seen it illogical for a king in England to rule. Separated by a massive body of water, the North Atlantic Ocean, America and England were to worlds unlike in custom and interest. The early rebels knew they had to create a new system of government for America. They saw no reason for King George's extra charges on American affairs of tea and such. With much resent towards their ruler, King George, and his policies, the Americans drove away the British with each glorious battle. Each time they fired a musket they drew away from the unfit government.</p>

<p>The Civil Rights Movement was a series of peaceful rebellion against state laws of discrimination against the Colored. Those that had a darker skin tone were moved to the back of the bus, separated from the light-skinned, and had limited rights in society. Leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. found it only right if the Colored protested, but with peaceful tactics. This was the first time in American History peaceful protests were used. With every sit-out and banner, the Colored raises awareness. They gained rights in society and was treated fairly.</p>

<p>Questioning acts of the government is what drives our country forward. It is the responsibility of The People to oversee government actions and decision. This is what created the United States and equal rights and for the Colored. To question the government establishes peace and health of society.</p>

2

<ol>
<li><p>The prompt asks about authority (in general), so I would tweak your argument a tad to not just discuss the American government.</p></li>
<li><p>You provide more evidence than argument–switch that around. Drill it into the reader why on earth this piece of evidence supports your argument.</p></li>
<li><p>Speaking of an argument, provide a clear thesis at the beginning. “Governments are consisted of people that make mistakes like the rest of us.” So what? To err is human. Tell me what significance that statement has in the context of the prompt and back it by mentioning examples all in a thesis.</p></li>
<li><p>Your decision to use the word “Colored” is interesting. Why not “African Americans?”</p></li>
<li><p>Tense issues and grammatical errors. </p></li>
<li><p>Overuse of passive voice. Avoid using “this was/is/some form of to be” and “blah is blah” structured sentences when possible. Active voice makes essays stronger.</p></li>
<li><p>Unless you are describing a personal example, don’t use first person. Use “the United States” instead of “our country.” Avoid second person as well (you didn’t have this problem in this essay…but just a reminder).</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Overall, it’s a pretty decent essay. Keep on practicing and good luck!</p>

<p>Side note: You really did gloss over both events (“glorious battle”–no comment on that). I’m not discouraging you from doing so in SAT essays; I just wanted to comment on that fact.</p>

3

<p>In an SAT essay it’s best just to be direct and come up with concrete examples. There is no need, or time, to make your writing flowery; poetic phrasings will generally not get you anywhere, for example the rhetorical question in your intro. Given the amount of time readers spend on one essay, they’d probably prefer for as clear an essay as possible. </p>

<p>The form I was taught for an introduction, and which served me very well, was a thesis as your first sentence, a refining/clarification of the thesis as the next sentence, and two prongs of your argument generally introduced two close it up. Very direct.</p>

<p>Your points are good, but be more direct. Writing an SAT essay is nothing like writing an AP DCQ in that nothing really matters but your argument and support; thus you can be as direct and bluntly logical as you want. For example, at the end of your first body, a sentence simply stating that the colonists’ questioning of authority was important to the development of history would’ve made it much stronger. </p>

<p>The same holds true for your second paragraph. As chewydog mentioned there are scattered grammatical errors, which you’ll want to reduce. Apart from clear reasoning, another important thing in an SAT essay is detail in examples - describe some of the specific events in the civil rights movement and why they were against authority. Then explain why it was beneficial for them to go against authority. </p>

<p>Conclusions are generally the most important part of these essays. Beef it up; restate your prongs; trace your reasoning through again briefly with different diction; make sure you tie back to your thesis; and, more importantly than you’d think, close with a something positive (a hasty example: something like, but not as cheesy as, ‘questioning authority has made the world better’). </p>

<p>For a first essay I’d say you’re off to a good start! Hope this helps.</p>

4

<p>Thanks guys. I have no idea on writing SAT essays. (God help the teachers) You guys gave me more help than I needed. Especially chewydog who pointed out my grammatical and word-choice errors. And the other person with all the numbers. Thanks :)</p>