<p>My advice is have that you have a frank talk with your child about how much you are willing to pay before applications are submitted … then if the financial aid at a top notch school does not meet this threshold it is not an option; which is tough but following an expectation that had already been set. Your child will know the net cost schools need to meet to be viable options… </p>
<p>This thread was started by a family that said it would pay full-price … and now that an excellent cheaper option is available was thinking if they should take back the option to pay full price. To me this is whole different beast than setting a threshold before applications.</p>
<p>Here’s a bit of a reality check: I went to a fairly lackluster state school (has impressive science research, but I’m in the Humanities) and I found two life-long mentors. My kids went to very elite privates and they didn’t.</p>
<p>Those two women were precious to me and responsible for my career as an academic.</p>
<p>My kids both met professors who liked them and engaged with them, but neither met someone who singled them out and really encouraged them. </p>
<p>It was just dumb luck on my part, and my kids got a lot more their peer group than I did in certain ways.</p>
<p>My point is that you don’t have to talk about dream killers, just different dreams.</p>
<p>And then I turned down an Ivy grad school to stay where i was for my PhD for financial reasons and because my then H (we were young) was not really behind relocating. Dumb me, again. We got divorced. But my dissertation was awarded best in US over all the ivies, etc, and I teach with folks who got degrees at Columbia, Yale, etc.</p>
<p>I don’t have a powerhouse academic career, but that’s more due to my own values and laziness.</p>
<p>A dream school is a great, great luxury item, but a Hyundai can get you where you need to go. I’d rather have the Jaguar (well, not necessarily if it gas guzzles and pollutes), but the destination is most important.</p>
<p>Sax. Thank you for your perspective- it is mine also. My D has a younger sister who will not receive the merIt awards like her sis unless she has a complete turn atone jr year ,… Like a 4.0 turn arOund. One of the main factor in sending D to Kenyon over OSU was her sister who graduates in 2014. We need to be able to pay for her too.</p>
<p>Luckily, Kenyon has given her just enough that this is possible though will require a budget overhaul. OSU would have cost us 5k and Kenyon is 10k. At the beginning of her search we told her the cheapest option was where she would go -& she applied to schools where she could have a chance at merit aid. Kenyon was the least likely but they came through with a package that destroyed all the others except Ohio State and Ohio Wesleyan. </p>
<p>We told her from the beginning that if it was within 5k we would do it. So this just worked out for us.</p>
<p>Kids need to know what the budget is BEFORE the acceptances roll in.</p>
<p>In our family for second kid it was “must start with a 2” . . . that way the kid knew that when Dream School send an acceptance but would cost 35k it was just not going to happen . . . feel lucky now that the U Chicago waitlist didn’t ripen . . . would have been me against both wifely and second kid since there was no way that UC was going to give enough merit aid to bring the cost down to the 2’s</p>
<p>As for OPs current situation: figure out what you can afford and tell the kid that he/she can go to any school that fits in that budget . . that can be a hard discussion . . . one friend of second kid got into NYU Tisch but had to say no . . there was bitter disappointment rampant for a while</p>
<p>For most people this would apply. It appears for many here, an extra $80 or $100K is not a big deal so parents should be committed to send DS where ever he wants. If this difference is only 5 or 10% of a families savings I guess I could understand. But there truly aren’t that many families that have $1 million plus saved up. It seems like half of those that do have that money post here on CC.</p>
<p>That $100k is in the “family” and could be use for parent retirement, house down payments for children, many things in the future. To leave that decision solely up to an 18yo who really doesn’t appreciate what it takes to accumulate that kind of savings is foolish IMO.</p>
<p>Sounds like the OP is one of those that has 750K in college funds saved (3 kids, full pay at privates so 3x250K). In addition to retirement and emergency savings. So well over 1Mill total.</p>
<p>" Are people here saying that if you know that you will need lots of merit, then don’t even apply to any top schools? "
-Very recent news, one young man just got full tuition Merit award to JHU. So, please, apply to top schools but. make sure that your kid understand condition of entering there if you are concern with finances.</p>
<p>I really don’t think high school guidance counselors could give better advice on what kind of merit awards to expect than “Don’t assume you’ll get any.” For those who remember the andison saga a few years ago, andi’s son, with top notch stats, ECs etc. was waitlisted, then rejected by Oberlin, while my son, with very similar stats etc. was accepted with a substantial merit award. It’s really not predictable by any formula.</p>
<p>I don’t have time to read all of the comments but I wanted to tell you that we were where you are 4 years ago. Son received big merit awards from every school he applied to and a smaller merit award from the school he was in love with - Oberlin. He had a lot of AP credits and Oberlin has a generous gen ed requirement, their 3-3-3 system. We made son a deal - if he could graduate early - in 3 1/2 years, Oberlin was a go. It took some long range planning, but he managed to do it even with a semester studying away (the semester away - where we paid the tuition that the away school charged was also cheaper than Oberlin). All in all, he rose to the challenge and was happy while he did it.</p>
<p>I always thought our CC names should be color coded so that people could tell if they were getting advice from someone with a great deal of disposable income vs. someone getting by with a little extra every month to spend. Yikes.</p>
<p>I should clarify about my post #209, that some schools may be more predicable than others about the likelihood of merit awards, but with really selective schools, it is much less so. We knew, for example that our son would get no $$ from several of his schools because they don’t give any to anyone. We thought he might get some from his 2 “safeties” and he did, but we were totally surprised by substantial $$ from Oberlin and Grinnell.</p>
<p>"I really don’t think high school guidance counselors could give better advice on what kind of merit awards to expect than “Don’t assume you’ll get any.” "</p>
<p>-This advice is saying, “I do not have to do any research for financial side, do it youself”. We never even brought it up with counselor. They have too many kids to go to such details with each. Reasonable research is very possible and will prevent “tradegy” at the end. Of course, there is no “tragedy” as it will be up to a kid if goal is achieved or not, the name of UG is not that relevant, but tell it to an 18 y o who is stuck in dream land. So, talking ahead, better yet having compiled the list with preferences and conditions listed in a spread sheet is of utmost importance. I did. So, when D. did not get into her #1 program (despite of huge Merit award that college gave her), she just choose #2 with the smile on her face. The #2 UG happened to be a perfect UG with full tuition Merit that led her to be accepted to her #1 for Med. School, which was her goal from the very beginning.<br>
If no talking was done beforehand, then discussing it after will lead to more problems. Just let the kid go where he wants at this point. Celebrate his achievement, do not make it sad story.</p>
<p>The two massively over-worked GCs at our very large public HS announced at the start of College Planning night: “DO NOT overlook the fantastic “second tier” schools that give humongous merit aid, like our local XX College!” They are to be commended for that. </p>
<p>We find ourselves also in the position of having DS admitted to Reach College (almost no aid) + two wonderful merit schools with generous aid and great programs in his major. It is a sweet dilemma, but we are a little surprised by how difficult it is to sweep Reach School off the table. We had all the conversations about finances beforehand and son has no sense of entitlement or inevitability. He knows it will be a financial cost/benefit decision and in our sensible family, most likely the merit will win. </p>
<p>It’s a classic Approach-Approach Conflict, specifically, in this case: Giddy Good vs. Goodie Good. </p>
<p>Kicking Giddy-Good to the curb is probably what will happen, son is fine with that, but (for H and myself) it’s harder than we anticipated.</p>
<p>2 in 5 older American households have retirement savings accounts
Among households with retirement savings accounts, half had less than $60,800 in their combined retirement savings accounts in 2007,
2 in 5 older American households have income from pensions</p>
<p>I really liked Sax’s post about the great good … but …</p>
<p>
The thing is it really is not unexpected … a strong student applying to a range of schools will more likely have some nice cheaper merit options than not … dealing with first choice among acceptances and a cheaper merit driven alternative should not be a surprise.</p>
<p>My parent’s attitude was always that they’d support me emotionally but not financially (tuition-wise anyways). They’ve helped me with room & board my 1st year, laptops, business suit for interviews, and minimally with food.</p>
<p>Needless to say, I went to community college and then transferred. </p>
<p>This thread is revealing. Student’s should not have the attitude that mon & dad will completely pay for THEIR education. If they have two comparable options, but one is substantially cheaper, they should choose the cheaper and save them the debt or their parents the $ involved; instead of letting petty preferences get in the way. </p>
<p>Similarly, parents should stand their ground and not pay for the entire cost. The student should take the majority of the burden, and are likely to make better choices for it, and then if they have trouble paying it back after graduating the parents can provide some support if they deem it appropriate. </p>
<p>It’s amazing to me that the starter of this thread was thinking of paying an extra 20K a year in tuition because of a wierd preference her son had. In the very least, since you are in fact paying for EVERYTHING else, should tell him he is responsible for the extra 20K/year in loans/private scholarships/work.</p>