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<p>Then tell him that. We made the same deal with our son. He could attend a full pay school and then that would be that for money from us or he could attend a school on a very generous merit grant and we’d help pay for grad school. Our son chose the merit option and is very happy.</p>
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<p>We’re full pay at pricey colleges. We told our kids that we’d get them through undergrad without loans, but grad school is on them. There’s nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>Same here…we signed on for the FOUR year plan only. Anything above and beyond four years…for any reason…was on the kids’ dimes.</p>
<p>Agree with others that:</p>
<p>1) Too bad you didn’t have the discussion beforehand, but since you can afford either school …
2) Tell him you’ll spend X amount of money
3) He can either use it all on undergrad or take some merit money and you’ll spend the balance on grad school (or whatever).
4) And then stick to it. It’s not fair to second kid to overextend yourself on first kid.</p>
<p>Welcome to my world. </p>
<p>Last year D2 was accepted to an incredible school with an excellent FA package, we would have paid less than our flagship public with their largest scholarship. But she wanted to attend another excellent school, which cost about 20k more a year and was arguably less well known that the other school. She had some reasons that I felt were valid and others that were less well founded.</p>
<p>We can ‘afford’ either college as I have set aside money. I explained to her extensively that attending the more expensive school meant that she has less for future grad/professional school and that she must work summers and WS and is responsible for any ‘fringe’ benefits like trips, etc. </p>
<p>In the end, despite feeling that she could not completely grasp the long term significance of the financial aspects, I let her choose. She’s a good kid who worked hard and I decided that for better or worse, this would be her first big life decision.</p>
<p>Now, had we needed to take out loans for this, that would be a completely different situation. I firmly believe in living well within our means and wouldn’t have a problem telling a child no if it meant either parents or kids going into hock.</p>
<p>x-posted w/Yds</p>
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<p>D2 called up the other day and asked me about making plane reservations to visit a friend this summer. She wanted to know if it was ‘OK’ with me. I told her it was fine but that as we discussed last year, it’s on her dime. To her credit, she accepted her responsibility without even a tinge of regret or animosity.</p>
<p>kids have to realize that money doesn’t grow on trees. My kid was in same position and didn’t consider the higher ranked school because he didn’t get a merit award there.</p>
<p>How seriously does your son take this? Does he value the scholarship? I ask because my D is in a similar situation, but I feel like she is weighing this as carefully as we are, and if she chooses the non merit school it will be for a good reason. Both of you should look at the the contending schools very carefully - and yes, I think he should visit Kenyon. Then, if you can truly afford both schools you should let him decide based on which school he thinks is a better fit for him, but he should be able to tell you why he thinks K is better… and you should ultimately be able to see and understand the relative value - at least looking at it from his perspective. It doesn’t sound like this is really a matter of you overextending… but of the surprise merit. Also give yourselves a little time to reflect. Both Kenyon and Oberlin are great schools… and possibly about equal in overall reputation.</p>
<p>do you already have a deal with him about his requirement? Explain to him that given the situation, you will expect him to take out the unsub loans to cover the cost of school, or get scholarships to cover that same amount or more. </p>
<p>What other schools was he admitted to, and any other scholarships (Other than Oberlien and Kenyon)? Sorry if I missed this in an earlier post</p>
<p>This is a tough situation. It depends on how much money and how much the money means to you now. If I could afford it I would ask my son to attend both open houses and seriously consider Oberlin. His overnight may be better than he expects. If he still feels Kenyon is much more him so be it.</p>
<p>If its really a hardship strategies would be different, but that’s not what you indicate.</p>
<p>You could say: is school X really worth an extra $80,000? If you decide to go full pay, we’re strapped. So no money for grad school. No semester abroad. And certainly no fun spring breaks. </p>
<p>That might sweeten the deal…</p>
<p>It is unfortunate that money wasn’t discussed previously. It sounds like you can afford to send him wherever but when offered the discount, you are not sure you want to be full pay now. I would make sure he attends an overnight at both schools. I am not big into bribes but perhaps you could sweeten the deal by offering to buy him something, like a trip, used car, whatever floats his boat to go with the cheaper school.</p>
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We basically said the same thing to our kid. Had he gone to our excellent state flagship or had taken the full tuition merit award that he got at another school, we’d be in a position to help with grad school. But the best fit for him - and always was his “dream school” - was the one he’s at and we pay the expensive tuition bill. He knows that we don’t have a bottomless bucket of money and that we’ll pay for undergrad only. I think as long as all the cards are on the table, things will work out.</p>
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<p>You could tell him that if he goes to a less expensive (net cost after scholarship) school, then the savings will be available for his graduate or professional school, but if he chooses a more expensive school, there won’t be any money left to help him in that case.</p>
<p>However, the best time to have the money talk is before the application list is made, so that the student has more realistic expectations and does not get too attached to an unaffordable or barely affordable dream school.</p>
<p>Given that Oberlin ranks (slightly) higher than Kenyon in USNWR rankings is there any chance that they’d match Oberlin’s offer? I’d definitely ask them. Otherwise I think you tell your son you can afford Kenyon, but won’t be able to spring for grad school if he attends.</p>
<p>We tried the car bribe. We would have been able to buy a condo and send the kid to Europe for the summer. Our kid does not take bribes:)</p>
<p>Many of us could have done a lot if our kids went to Us that offered better merit awards than where they ended up matriculating. That could have bought quite a bit instead of spending it at the U. Oh well, somehow we all live with the choices that are made. We are glad both kids are able to do without loans for UG at least.</p>
<p>S had numerous options but decided to accept a full ride scholarship at a top LAC, it wasn’t a perfect fit, more conservative than he would have opted for, and occasionally was bored with rural setting. But he got a great education, scholarship even paid for study abroad year, and he developed close relationships with professors, he is graduating with a wonderful job in part due to the research he got to do with these professors. He’s thrilled that no only does he have zero loans, he has $ in the bank, and the savings I had for college are his to use for graduate school once he’s ready to go.</p>
<p>Seriously…If you’d be “out of money” after paying for 2 kids at full freight then guess what??? You really CAN’T afford it. Since when does “affording something” mean paying out everything you have??? (or mostly everything)???</p>
<p>I don’t say that I can afford X if X would drain my bank acct. </p>
<p>Please don’t send him to Kenyon for a visit UNTIL you get the financial situation reconciled</p>
<p>I agree.</p>
<p>first, “man up” and apologize for not setting a budget first. Be honest. Say that at first, you didn’t think money was an issue. But, in truth, if he and sibling go to pricey schools, you’ll be broke or near broke…and you won’t be spring chickens at that point. I’m sure your son won’t want to have to support you, right?</p>
<p>Several posts have mentioned that it is too bad the talk did not happen before the application, but I think the OP is saying he did not how much merit/grant aid to expect. Many people post that they get widely varied offers. It sounds more like the awards are a pleasant surprise and they want the son to consider the wisdom of taking the merit money.</p>
<p>Perhaps you should approach the conversation from that point of view; we all are happily surprised by these awards and each dollar in the family pot can only be spent once. If the decision is made for Kenyon, then that money is gone, what other wise things can be done with it?</p>
<p>Aside from the specific money issues, Oberlin and Kenyon are quite different and certainly my kid liked one much more then the other. Kenyon is very small and very rural which can be an important factor over the course of 4 years. Also, I remember it ranking as one of the most expensive LAC’s. Oberlin seemed to me to have easier access to an urban area and seemed to attract a different student group to Kenyon. I think your son would have a very clear preference after visiting both and might well feel they would not be happy/fit in at the other. If you do the math and really can afford both I think after a visit the decision will be clear.</p>