<p>Our son took the full price expensive option instead of our state’s highly ranked flagship. He knew that grad school will be on his dime. He has a great job and will probably never need grad school.</p>
<p>I do not understand the emphasis on paying for grad school. That is usually covered by the grad program or an outside fellowship.</p>
<p>I have said this before, so old-timers, forgive my repetition. MANY years ago I went to flagship school to save my parents $3000/per year, half tuition of private school. I wasn’t a happy camper, studying nights and weekends when others watching TV, partying. Fortunately, my b/f and small group were headed per-med and grad school. I was out early.
So, the worm could have gone to flagship for free, would have entered as a junior, lived in Honors dorm. But he had a few other choices that would put him in peer groups. For example, at CMU’s SCS, he would be with 80 other Passionate CS students.
Financially, MIT was most expensive. SCS was same, but they would accept AP credits, so he would be entering as a sophomore. Caltech was least expensive, but no advanced placements. We ruled out the in between schools with merit aid, because just not offering the same STEM experiences. What I did not realize was that he could earn average of $10,000 each summer. Nor did I guess he could earn upper class merit awards. His award only(!!!) paid half tuition, but others got more. </p>
<p>Even more amazing, when he was miserable at first job, he returned to caltech to find a research job and shift fields. Professors he had never worked with created a tech position for him. </p>
<p>My point, if the OP can afford either K or O, let son go where he wants. Set some guidelines, like he must find summer job. Give him a spending budget. My son had small jobs all thru his four years. If your son is content at college, strives hard academically, has a decent social life, what more could you want?</p>
<p>why would any parent have to bride their own kid when the parent is the one paying?
Are we raising a generation of spoiled brats?..the me first generation?</p>
<p>I see mom2collegekids has it right in post #38…as usual.</p>
<p>I second MathMom’s suggestion of seeing if Kenyon would consider some kind of merit award if you let them know that Oberlin has offered significant merit, and that this might tip the decision towards Oberlin instead of Kenyon.</p>
<p>I’m with intparent (post #16) and Onetogo2 (post #40): Neither of these schools is a “one-size-fits-all” kind of place! Both are terrific schools, no question. It’s possible a person could thrive at either of them. But it’s also quite possible a person could love Kenyon and not love Oberlin. Mind you, I don’t know how serious the OP’s son’s objections are to Oberlin. But if he is not hot for Oberlin, the choice to send him there could turn out not to be economically sound whatever the “discount.” What if he wants to transfer after the first year? What if he goes and is miserable? (I know if I sent my kid to a place she wasn’t happy to attend, the time I spent listening to her kvetch would zero out any savings I accrued with a lower COA!)</p>
<p>As a parent, I’m definitely of two minds (and in a similar situation). OF COURSE we want our children to be happy attending school where they think they fit. The reality is we are not that well off. S was accepted to seven good (non-Ivy) schools. Six of the seven offered aid packages that were roughly equivalent, but depended on the standard max amount of loans for him, some loans for us, and work-study. The seventh school offered a NO-loan package that we can afford to pay the balance on and it is probably the first or second highest ranked school in the list. Unfortunately, S visited and didn’t really feel the fit, just like esmerelda28’s S.</p>
<p>If I want to coddle my S, I’ll scramble to see how to make any of the other offers work. But, I find myself constantly asking whether that is really in the best interest on my S? Wouldn’t a great education without debt be the best gift to offer him upon graduation? Debt is the anchor around the neck of most Americans. Do I really want to give him that instead?</p>
<p>I work in higher ed and I see international students who often end up at whatever school gives them the best offer–and their parents recognize the opportunity and tell them to take it BECAUSE it is a great opportunity for them. In an effort to keep our children “satisfied” we too often coddle, protect, and spend beyond our means and we shouldn’t</p>
<p>At the very least, we’re recommending to our son to go for a year and if he is absolutely miserable, then HE can work towards a transfer and we’ll do our best to help him afford another school. If nothing else, he should be at least one less year in debt than he would be otherwise.</p>
<p>Lots of interesting perspectives in these posts from full-pay families for whom it is possible but not easy. We face a similar dilemma: dream school at 60K COA or cheaper respectable option with merit?</p>
<p>I’m reluctant to make a promise to D that we will “help” with grad school 6 years down the line on the condition she would choose a cheaper place, because frankly 1) she may change her mind about grad school (most students do), and 2) I don’t know if we could keep that promise (who knows what the future will bring). I don’t want her to choose a place she’s less happy about on that basis alone. I am also uncomfortable with the “bribe with a car, spending money, vacation” option because I don’t think students should be choosing educational options based on those criteria. We have told my D that she is responsible for her own discretionary spending no matter where she goes (full-pay dream school, place w/ merit, or cheap state school). We cover room, board and tuition period. She should choose the school, not the lifestyle extras.</p>
<p>Along with absweet marie, I also think that “fit” is important. We have told our D that we will pay for four years’ worth of full-time undergraduate study and that is it. Transferring wastes credits and extends time to graduation. I don’t want a miserable kid in college, for both emotional and financial reasons.</p>
<p>4 years at undergrad is 5% of the average person’s time on this planet…I think fit is important to an extent, but also believe it is exaggerated a bit here on CC. Kids should be able to adjust easily at that age.</p>
<p>m2ck, I didn’t think when OP said they’d be out of money that meant all money ever. I took it to mean that the college fund would be gone, so no more left for grad school.</p>
<p>OP, where are you?</p>
<p>Maybe, geeps20. In many cases. But have you visited either of these schools? They are very distinctive. Neither of them would be to all tastes. I think this would be the case for many small LACs. If someone said to me, “I couldn’t fit in at Big State U. X,” I’d question the likelihood that most people at a school of 15,000 or more lean a certain way (culturally, politically, any other kind of way). At a small LAC, a certain ethos really could dominate.</p>
<p>My daughter enjoyed her four years at Oberlin and went on to an excellent fully-funded Ph.D. program afterwards. I would recommend that your son give Oberlin another look. It is a very tolerant place, so it may appear out of the mainstream at first glance. On closer examination your son will find serious academics and students passionate about a variety of things. Like your son, my daughter received a merit scholarship from Oberlin. She was flattered that Oberlin “wanted” her and chose it over more highly “ranked” colleges. I applied no financial pressure one way or the other.</p>
<p>A couple years ago I read an article about where college professors send their sons and daughters for college. Oberlin, it turns out, has one of the highest concentrations of professors progeny. At parent’s weekend I met parents who taught at places like University of Maryland and University of Illinois. All were pleased with the opportunities their offspring had at Oberlin.</p>
<p>Perhaps your son should visit both Oberlin and Kenyon on his trip to Ohio.</p>
<p>I will second what Fifty said. My D is a current student at Oberlin (professor’s daughter too). She’s very “mainstream,” with similar kinds of friends. Yes the hipsters and lefties are there, but there are also enthusiastic members of various Christian groups and Young Republicans. Without knowing your kid, I find it hard to believe he wouldn’t find a bunch of like minded kids at Oberlin. You don’t have to become a vegan and join a coop to thrive there. As Fifty said, part of what made Oberlin attractive to her was the fact that they did seem to really want her, as evidenced by the merit scholarship.</p>
<p>I am so with geeps and mom2 here! I’m starting to feel a bit nauseated at this revered idea of perfect fit over common sense. The “perfect fit” sounds like a marketing ploy to scam wealthy but anxious parents out of their hard-earned savings. Spend the money if you want to, it’s yours, but I am troubled by this. </p>
<p>And Kenyon vs Oberlin? For that difference in $? I know we all want what’s best for our kids and to provide great experiences for them, but it’s time to get real.</p>
<p>From the sound of it, there are other choices besides Oberlin and Kenyon. What are they?</p>
<p>Personally, I’d take Oberlin in a heartbeat over Kenyon even if the money were equal…</p>
<p>Who said anything about a “perfect fit,” redpoint? My point is simply that if the kid really does not like Oberlin (rather than simply leaning toward Kenyon), choosing based on the merit scholarship may be a false economy. In my book, the commonsensical approach in this situation is to figure out whether the kid’s objections are real and permanent or superficial and transitory before making a decision to spend any amount of money (full fare or discounted).</p>
<p>And, I’m sorry, but to pooh-pooh the notion that a person might not have a strong reaction (positive or negative) to either of these schools is to be disingenuous. Could a young Republican find his or her tribe at Oberlin? Qialah (post #52) says it’s possible based on his or her D’s experience. That’s great. But to suggest that there are not some young Republicans or even some middle-of-the-road types who might not dig Oberlin’s fabled progressive vibe? Come on! We are not talking about a vanilla-flavored school here.</p>
<p>In my earlier post (#51) I tried to point out that the OP’s son’s first impression of Oberlin might be based on questionable stereotypes and urged him to give it a closer second look. Oberlin is a fabulous college for many students looking for serious academics and for peers interested in a wide variety of things.</p>
<p>I deliberately avoided making comparisons with Kenyon, which I also think is a fine college. That said, I agree that Oberlin and Kenyon have different vibes. An athlete or someone interested in fraternities might be happier at Kenyon than at Oberlin. We do not know the OP’s son, so we cannot say where he might thrive. I just hope that he and his family can make a well informed comparison of these two excellent colleges.</p>
<p>^^^
What Fifty said.</p>
<p>I had a kid whose first impression of a very good school actually kept her from applying there…which was fine. She had other good options…as it appears the OP’s kiddo does too. FWIW, the school my kid attended was very similar to the one she hated at a first glance. There was “something” about the school she went to that appealed to her more…and that was fine.</p>
<p>Kenyon and Oberlin are NOT the same schools. I’ve been to both (albeit a while ago)…and found their “personalities” to be very different.</p>
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<p>Why are you nauseated and troubled by the possibility that the OP might not make her kid take a merit scholarship at a school that’s not a favorite, even though they could pay for the favorite? You might think it’s foolish, certainly, but nauseating?</p>
<p>People make all kinds of choices about surplus spending that don’t make much sense to others. I don’t understand why people spend 50K + on cars. I don’t understand why people live in houses much larger than they need. People who spend big bucks on traveling teams and sports camps for their kids don’t understand why others might shell out big bucks for music lessons, and vice versa. I don’t understand why people live in Manhattan. I find none of these things, however, “nauseating.”</p>
<p>Fit is all well and good, but I would give it more weight if the kid were choosing between, say Ohio State and Kenyon. As it is, if it were my kid, before I left $15K per year on the table because the kid visited and had a tour guide with too many piercings or some such, I’d ask him to keep an open mind and revisit. Yes, Oberlin and Kenyon have different “vibes,” but really they’re more alike then they are dissimilar, and it’s honestly hard for me to believe that a kid who is happy at Kenyon couldn’t be equally happy at Oberlin or vice versa.</p>