<p>I really need help since I was planning to submit my application today. This is for prompt 1 as you can see, but it is just bad. I wanted to explain my passage from another country to here and why does my transcript lacks of competitive courses. Please help. I'm pretty desperate now. </p>
<p>Coming from a family where both parents are Diplomats, I was fortunate enough to travel to many countries. From a three year office term to a three days long weekend, it seems my life has been constantly on the road. Having traveled from Asia to Europe, I was able to experience an array of cultures with some great excitements as well shocking discoveries.
However there was a struggle with my constant move, I often had to change schools along with different educational systems. Not only was it exhausting but it was especially difficult for me to keep a long-term friendship. Nevertheless with a supportive family, Ive always tried to look at the brighter side of things: thanks to my long stay in Belgium and England, I became fluent in English and French and have found a passion for languages as I continue to self-study Spanish and Latin during my time back in Vietnam.
Then in late 2008, my father was sent to America for a three year office term, and once again our family was on the move. Though I knew this would be another chapter, another change, another challenge in my life, I was very excited. It was an opportunity for me to discover America as a country and a time for me to decide whether to stay or to go back to Europe to pursue a higher education.
Soon I learned that the American educational system was a great field of freedom. Compared to the European institutions, students were allowed to have a wider range of choices, from different types of colleges, such as community college, Liberal Arts College and State Universities, to an exploratory major of entry to a college. From my past experience with other educational systems, this was a brand new start, a start where there were more options and choices than I ever had. Realizing this, I made my decision to attend an American University although the process has been difficult due to my lack of AP classes during the transfer. Nevertheless within my senior year Ive taken as many challenging classes as I could; together with joining clubs and activities such as the Book club, the Youth Ambassador of the Enterprise of High school students and the Stern Group Festival.
I also felt that, with my international background, Ill be more confident to be apart of such a multicultural community. I believe with the right education system of American University and my accumulated knowledge through my travels and academic life, Ill develop to my full potentials within the exciting college years ahead. </p>
<p>I often say try not talk about academic stuff in your essay, but I think you have a legit reason to talk about it here; in fact i don’t think you’ve explained yourself enough as to why your academics aren’t as good as someone else who has been in the US the whole high school term. Maybe try to explain how the constant moving might’ve stopped you from studyign etc… just expand more on that part… you have 426 words, so unless you decided to make prompt II 600 you can expand it a bit more.</p>
<p>Coming from a family where both parents are Diplomats, I was fortunate enough to travel to many countries. From a three year office term to a three days long weekend, it seems my life has been constantly on the road. Having traveled from Asia to Europe, I was able to experience an array of cultures with some great excitements as well shocking discoveries.
However there was a struggle with my constant move, I often had to change schools along with different educational systems. Not only was it exhausting but it was especially difficult for me to keep a long-term friendship.
Nevertheless with a supportive family, I’ve always tried to look at the brighter side of things: thanks to my long stay in Belgium and England, I became fluent in English and French and have found a passion for languages as I continue to self-study Spanish and Latin during my time back in Vietnam. Also having lived in Japan for over a year, I was very enthusiast on drawing. It all started with copying out a few Japanese graphic novels, but it soon developed to be a great hobby of mine. Drawing has continually been an activity and time where I can fully express my emotions and creativity.
Then in late 2008, my father was sent to America for a three year office term, and once again our family was on the move. Though I knew this would be another chapter, another change, another challenge in my life, I was very excited. It was an opportunity for me to discover America as a country and a time for me to decide whether to stay or to go back to Europe to pursue a higher education.
Soon I learned that the American educational system was a great field of freedom. Compared to the European institutions, students were allowed to have a wider range of choices, from different types of colleges, such as community college, Liberal Arts College and State Universities, to an exploratory major of entry to a college. From my past experience with other educational systems, this was a brand new start, a start where there were more options and choices than I ever had. Realizing this, I made my decision to attend an American University, although the process has been difficult due to my lack of AP classes during the transfer. Nevertheless within my senior year I’ve taken as many challenging classes as I can; together with joining clubs and activities such as the Book club, the Youth Ambassador of the Enterprise of High school students and the Stern Group Festival.
I also felt that, with my international background, I’ll be more confident to be apart of such a multicultural community. I believe with the right education system of American University and my accumulated knowledge through my travels and academic life, I’ll develop to my full potentials within the exciting college years ahead. </p>
<p>I’d start with your 2nd paragraph idea. Like:</p>
<p>Bags in hand, I stared out the window at the white sky, gray tarmac, and the frosted plane. Again. This is my (3rd, 4th, whatever) move, all because of my diplomat parents, and I brace my soul for another transformation. </p>
<p>Now describe some pros and cons of your frequent moving (aka your first paragraph).<br>
Then talk about your experiences in America. </p>
<p>So, your essay flows something like this:
-reflection
-actions</p>
<p>Anyways I’d at least consider it. As it stands your opener is pretty boring.</p>
<p>I think you have a very nice writing style, although why is “Diplomat” capitalized?</p>
<p>My advice: Don’t simply list activities which are already on the app. Pick one or two and focus on them. If Book Club and Youth Ambassador are important to you, this is where you tell them why and how they have shaped you. Or, explain why the passion for languages and how has that helped you with these transitions. Or, go into more detail on the “great excitements and shocking discoveries.” That’s a pretty intriguing premise.</p>
<p>In short, spend more words on explaining who you are and less on what the American system of education is.</p>