<p>So I have a question about my eligibility and what they look for in the letter explaining my situation. Basically, my father is my non-custodial parent. I haven't spoken with him in four years, though he continues visitation (forced) with my younger siblings and pays child support (which ends in june). My problem is, I got out of the relationship because he was abusive, physically, emotionally and sexually. When any reports were filed against him, they were always unfounded, which is why my siblings have to still see him. I can't ask him to file the NCP part of the CSS profile because he will refuse to make sure I have no chance at going to the college. The idea of discussing this with him makes me physically ill- I can honestly say I'm shaking just thinking about having to even explain my situation to strangers. Does my situation seem like it might qualify? We might have a police report from when I was forced to talk to them about the abuse- but again, that was unfounded. I might also add that he's been diagnosed with Lou gehrig's disease and will pass away in the nearish future, which is why he quit his job and is now unemployed. What do you think? What should my letter say?
Thanks so much</p>
<p>First, I am so sorry this happened to you. I would urge you to go to a counselor-- not because you did anything wrong but to help you deal with this as you go through these important life changes. (Sometimes, when people are in these situations they are in survival mode. When they go off to college on their own, and they are out of immediate danger, it floods them and can affect them.) </p>
<p>About the NCP waiver… I would fill out the form for each school. I would include a letter explaining your situation. (Maybe you and your mom could write it together.) I would not use the word “unfounded” but rather say that the charges could not be proven. I don’t think I would mention that your sibs visit him because, really, your letter is about your relationship with him. I would ask my school guidance counselor or any private counselor who knows about the situation to write a letter. If you have a copy of any medical or police reports, I would include that. I would copy it and send it all together to your colleges’ financial aid officer with the form.</p>
<p>thanks, I have received therapy and I’m actually thinking- should I include that we’ve gone to court ordered therapy with my Dad and he refused to improve his behavior? And the fact that I announced I was going to discontinue visitation in front of the therapist and he simply said “OK”? Unfortunately I can’t ask any of the therapists for letters.
ALSO, they require another letter other than my counselors, would my 30 year old brother be acceptable? He experienced it first hand, and actually went to the college.
And one last thing- am I supposed to ask for a waiver well before the Feb. 1st deadline? I have to admit, I’ve been putting it off because it’s painful.</p>
<p>Is there a reason you can’t ask ANY of the therapists for a letter? I think a letter from a therapist would be helpful.</p>
<p>Good advice from everyone, get a copy of the police report and something from your therapist. I can’t imagine the therapist would not validate what you are saying in a way that supports your claim but also is within the boundaries of the law. Also absolutely make sure you have applied to at least one FAFSA only college! You will not need any information from your father which should alleviate your fear of his situation causing you to never go to college. </p>
<p>Does your mother communicate with your father? You say the thought of asking him to fill out the Profile makes you physically ill, can your mother ask him to fill it out? Do you know for certain that he will not fill it out? If not, perhaps your mother can help you write the letter and help you gather the documentation.</p>
<p>I just remembered you said your thirty year old brother attended one of the colleges where you are in need of a waiver. Did he get the NCP waived? If so, include that information.</p>
<p>Your brother could corroborate your story, but if you need another letter it needs to come from someone in authority like a guidance counselor, clergy member, social worker, family attorney etc. who is familiar with the background you have given, not a family member.</p>
<p>I agree with the above. I would also mention that he’s unemployed because of a terminal illness so that the school will know that he’s not a source of funds anyway.</p>
<p>Go to your counselor tomorrow. Explain what your situation is. Give him/her permission to disclose your situation so that they can write the letter in support of your non-custodial waiver. Let the GC pick up the phone and call each financial aid office to find out if the the forms can be scanned and e-mailed as PDFs, or if letters can be faxed (with the originals sent via snail mail).</p>
<p>If you give your therapist permission to disclose your situation, they should be able to write the second letter. Most schools will accept the one letter from guidance counselor, social worker, clergy.</p>
<p>Most schools will not accept attorney letters (remember you are paying for their services) or letters from other family members. Letters must be from neutral 3rd parties.</p>
<p>When any reports were filed against him, they were always unfounded, which is why my siblings have to still see him</p>
<p>Do not use the word “unfounded.” That suggests that that your accusations were not based on fact and were groundless. That isn’t true. It’s just that you didn’t have hard evidence.</p>
<p>I know how many people feel about lawyers but I find it surprising that schools wouldn’t take a letter from a sworn officer of the court. None of the others take oaths as far as I know.</p>
<p>Did you get an actual waiver form and instructions from the school (s)?</p>
<p>Of the four schools we’re dealing with that require NCPs, none have a form online…all say to contact finaid to find out how to proceed. Perhaps your GC will handle that for you, but we have no such expectation. I planned to make the calls this week but fell ill. We did get information from one school on recent visit…they do not have a waiver form, nor do they require an explanation letter…they only require someone without any financial stake (they actually recommended a lawyer) write a letter stating that child support was not willingly paid. If they don’t have the NCP when they compute the aid package, they will impute $6500/year for the NCP. I have to see if there is an alternative since HIPAA laws forbid CHild Support from releasing that information…all they could tell me was after 10 months of non-payment (this time) payment is now coming from garnished wages. I no longer have a lawyer involved.</p>
<p>You, your mom, or your GC if he/she is willing, should call the schools to find out what each one requires before you get others involved…maybe you can dodge that bullet…I know how hard that can be. Unless you say the school names, and someone on here has recent personal experience with those schools, I don’t know that anyone can tell you exactly what you should do.</p>
<p>Also, not all CSS schools require the NCP. We submitted the CSS…in the explanation box we just stated that if a NCP was required we would be seeking a waiver due to years of no contact. We didn’t get into specifics…figured we’d do that in whatever form each school required.</p>
<p>The colleges I’m looking at that require the NCP waiver are Syracuse, Hobart and WIlliam Smith, and Dickinson. All have instructions except Hobart, but I’ve called each and every financial aid office so I have there instructions. My real concerns was if you guys thought I’d qualify. I wrote a letter about our relationship and my mom wrote a letter about his illness and his unemployment. My guidance counselor also wrote a letter vouching for my relationship with my Dad.</p>
<p>Ilovecoffee, You are taking the rights steps. It depends on the school as some are more lenient than others. We submitted letters from my daughter, myself, her head of school, a clergy person. Her first choice (ED) school which is fairly strict in these regards, approved the appeal. Good luck.</p>
<p>To the OP:</p>
<p>Return the NCP waiver form or send a separate letter to the financial aid office with simple statements only. Simple and to the point is always best.</p>
<p>In fact, “Court-ordered no contact because of past sexual abuse.” is enough for you to say. That is the gist of the reason you cannot submit your father’s information. The rest of your story just dilutes the harsh reality.</p>
<p>Wish you the best!</p>
<p>^^Knowsafewthings: the OP can’t do as you suggest because the father does have contact with the family. The court found the father not guilty and to say the the court ordered no contact would not be telling the truth.</p>
<p>* The court found the father not guilty a*</p>
<p>We don’t even know if the charges ever made it to court. The initial investigation may not have been able to find enough evidence to indict. It probably was a he said/she said sort of thing.</p>
<p>OP, did your mom believe the charges you made against your dad? Did she or your siblings witness anything to back up your charges?</p>
<p>If you can get copies of the charges that you made and submit those, that may solve your problems.</p>
<p>As I posted to another student who is trying to get this waiver due to abuse issues in the family, sometimes just a statement with a GC vouching for it, can do it. There have been kids who have so succeeded in getting the waiver. But anyone going down this path, needs to be well aware that there can be request for official documents backing up the information. Copies of charges filed, any police reports, anything over time. If the student is unable or unwilling to get those items when reuested, that could be it. But if the parent is not going to fill out the forms anyways, what does one have to lose in giving it a try? Maybe a school will approve the NCP without additional documentation.</p>
<p>You are correct, mom2, the OP said the charges were “unfounded”, so we do not know if it ever made it into a court system outside of the divorce… I stand corrected.</p>
<p>IF OP has a no-contact order from the courts that her father will/should not have access to her a copy of the order should also be on file with the school. OP or GC can send a copy of the court order corroborating the story.</p>
<p>If this has happened during the high school career, there is probably also ACS paperwork on file since whenever there are ACS charges, the ACS workers come to interview the school counselor. The GC would be able to corroborate also if there were any ACS cases involving the dad and the student.</p>
<p>Charges never made it to court I don’t think, though I do know he was reported to Child Services several times andwe were actually forced to go to the police and file some sort of report which they deemed a “he said she said” if you know what I mean. Also, unfortunately, he does technically have a legal right to talk to me or whatever. But I refuse to see him- that’s the basis of our visitation haha. (God, the court systems in PA are so screwed up). Anyways, just FYI Hobart has accepted my waiver! I’m still waiting for Dickinson and Syracuse, but I could honestly care less. Dickinson especially. My financial advisor gave me SUCH a hard time when I called. It was humiliating. </p>
<p>Just for people reading this for suggestions-I was extremely blunt in my letter- make sure you don’t sugar4 coat anything! Although I was kind of broad when stating the type of abuse- I just said physical (I don’t think it’s any of their business, and I don’t want to go to a school that needs specific examples of abuse for a waiver- that would be ridiculous)</p>
<p>Anyway, thanks so much for your help everyone</p>