ND Supllement Essay Choice #2 Help

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Notre Dame
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<p>I was just wondering if you guys could critique my essay response I have drafted.</p>

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<ol>
<li>The British philosopher, John Stuart Mill, states that "in an imperfect state of the human mind, the interest of truth requires a diversity of opinions." Given that a plurality of voices is crucial to broadening our educational experiences and cultural awareness, what is one view that you hold-large or small-that would contribute to the variety of perspectives at Notre Dame?
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<p>“Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.”
-Mahatma Gandhi
I believe it is too commonplace for society to look at the big picture instead of back home. In my hometown of Festus in southern Missouri, I am in awe at how on one end, the town possesses that bucolic charm that can be beautiful and appealing, and on the other end, the town has its own share of flaws and faults that can be worrisome. I am astonished at how affluent families build their mansions just less than a mile away from rundown trailer parks. Also, Festus is recognized for the meth labs that are housed in residences. It is appalling these issues arise and sustain themselves, and Festus residents take no action whatsoever. Instead, they aid in worldly affairs, such as the starving children in Africa or promoting equal human rights after the recent Indian women rapes and killings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with facilitating these issues, but do not forget about the issues at home. I have asked my hometown peers why they avoid resolving local issues and all their responses are the same, “It won’t make a difference in this world.” Never before have I heard a statement so false. “Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it.” Offering a homeless man warm food and clothing on a cold, winter’s night may not seem to make a difference in YOUR world, but it unconditionally makes a difference in HIS world. It is the small acts of kindness that may not necessarily call for a global change, but it shows the humanity in individuals; that we can coexist equally and in harmony.</p>

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<p>I wish I had seen this earlier before the Notre Dame deadline! I will comment anyways.</p>

<p>“I believe it is too commonplace for society to look at the big picture instead of back home.”</p>

<p>Looking at the big picture in life is generally considered to be a virtuous and positive thing. I think you are trying to say that serving others in other parts of the world has caused people to neglect those in need at home. I only was able to understand your point when I finished reading the essay. The opening sentence should be clear and concise. </p>

<p>“I am astonished at how affluent families build their mansions just less than a mile away from rundown trailer parks.”</p>

<p>I understand that you are trying to illustrate depravity and the contrast in wealth, but this could come off as classist if you are insinuating that rich pay no heed to their underprivileged neighbors. I have many friends in big houses who help the poor in my area with me. </p>

<p>“they aid in worldly affairs”</p>

<p>Everything we do in this world is “worldly”. Do you mean international aid? </p>

<p>Best of luck in the admissions process. I will be waiting with you for our decisions in the beginning of April!</p>