I’m hoping your daughter will agree to consult a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. In addition, something you can talk with her about in advance is how you can be supportive long distance. It is not always the best idea for her to call you when the anxiety strikes. Better to have numerous planned phone calls (one per day, three per day, six per day, etc), however many she says that she would like. But the idea is to unlink the calls to you and the relief of her discomfort. If phone calls are predictable, she has the time to relieve the discomfort using other tools and can call you to share. this will gradually give her more confidence to manage her own anxiety.
mamavad instead of seeing your previous actions as a crutch, maybe you could view them as training wheels. In fact, I wonder, while other methods are introduced, if it is at all possible for you to again be in a hotel nearby, for the start of camp and the start of school? Since other methods have not yet started, it would seem that actually continuing your approach until she has other options in place, would be a good idea.
Of course she needs to experience success in overcoming anxiety on her own, but she has no resources for that as yet.
I have a plane phobia which I recently conquered. First, I do have meds to take on the plane. I take tiny pieces because I have read that medicating anxiety interferes with overcoming it. So I keep it bearable.
I took Reiki workshop for one day, got attuned, and do it on myself. It is quite potent. This is a great tool. *My classmates Reiki’s me, the plane and the pilot just before take off, from a distance!!! All 25 of them!)
Tapping and EFT can help. EMDR is a therapeutic technique that resembles hypnosis, enables processing of trauma and gives a way to always return to feelings of safety.
She already exercises, which is great. Yoga and Tai Chi help too.
I AM a big fan of meds. I have one on insulin and anticonvulsants and one on Lithium and they wouldn’t be on this planet without them. But they do many other things, not just meds, including early bed, regular hours, and getting work done in advance.
I would strongly advise a med with action that is close to immediate (like Ativan) to carry in her pocket. She can get an Rx for just a few. And most likely an SSRI for long term while she works on other approaches.
I know that BU’s anxiety center has an antibiotic they use for people who do an “exposure” to the thing that makes them anxious. The antibiotic somehow imprints the success in the brain’s memory and therefore gets rid of the anxiety after desensitization. If for instance a person is afraid of a bus, one of the staff goes with her on the bus. So you should see your actions in that light.
I would:
get her an Rx to treat panic immediately (Ativan, or a beta blocker is also possible)
get her to an MD who can consider what SSRI or other longer term med to use
find her a therapist at or near school who can help negotiate with school
register with the disabilities office with documentation from professionals
purchase tuition refund insurance
go to the hotel as much as is needed or helpful for the start of camp and start of school then withdraw
do Skype and FaceTime
I would not go through the coach. Every school has a disabilitlies staff, a health center and often therapists/psychiatrists. They can determine the best way to handle coaches and can do it for you.
Make sure she doesn’t have a physical condition too- check thyroid, and even make sure this is not a heart or seizure kind of thing… It will be alright! I have seen several kids get over this kind of thing and many who continue with some level of anxiety but thrive.
This sounds like a very sensible course of action in some situations – but not others. For example, many people with migraines take medications that must be taken at the first sign of migraine symptoms or they will not work.
And some medications need to be taken on a regular basis, NOT in response to symptoms. SSRIs, which are very helpful for many people with anxiety disorders, depression, or both, are an example. And those of us who take medication for blood pressure or cholesterol know that we have to take it every day or we’re just wasting our insurance companies’ money.
Medication is a tool. I don’t think it’s inherently evil. Yes, meds can have side effects. But lack of needed medication has side effects, too.
For some, even many, the side effect of not taking medication can be death. Seriously. For others , no meds can be a major tangent in the trajectory of their lives. But meds always need to be supplemented with careful lifestyle choices and often alternative modalities that enhance the progress that meds started.
I would seriously consider having her evaluated for medications. If she gets so anxious that she can’t stay with the group, that indicates it is affecting her life.
My DD has anxiety. She got on meds in HS and did well…but going to college ups the anxiety level.
Instead of just new teachers like you might have senior year, you have:
new bedroom, new roommate, new professors, new food, new friends, new teammates, new coaches.
So that ups the ante.
Then, if they want to ask for help, there is the anxiety about going to the counseling center or the tutoring center or professors office hours.
General Things to consider:
MEDS
Schould she be evaluated for meds? If she is prescribed them:
Who actually picks up meds from the drugstore? You or her? She will need to do that (or arrange for mail order). My DD’s college had an arrangement with a local pharmacy to deliver meds…but it didn’t always work ( or she didn’t always request refills on time.) Come up with a back up plan so she could get them her self if necessary (e.g., take a taxi to the pharmacy and here is a taxi number).
I would start having her be in charge of re-ordering meds now so she can get used to it.
How often does she need to see a psychiatrist for med renewals? Ours was like every 3 months but my DD was an hour from home so we could get her if necessary. Would she need one near school?
ORIENTATION:
What kind of orientation does the colleges have?
I steered my DD toward one with a week long orientation…most activities were with kids on your floor so you would get to know them…they also had dedicated Community Assistants who also were useful as advisers/sounding boards at first. A place with one day orientation in the summer and then move in and get started may not be the best thing for anxious kids.
OVERSIGHT:
My DD wanted help with applications and all the signing up for housing etc. so I had her school login. She was also cool with me continuing to have is and I could check on her grades at first to make sure all was well.
Would your DD be cool with that?
SUPPORT:
Look into the Counseling Center… what services do they provide?
During orientation or admitted students day have her visit the center.
Do the same with Tutoring…mine knew she needed tutoring but was too anxious to go to the center until someone went with her.
ACCOMMODATIONS
Does your daughter need any accommodations? (e.g. extra time on tests)
Maybe talk to your DD’s current counselor and disability office about what documentation would be needed.
SELF-AWARENESS
How self-aware is your DD about her anxiety/panic attacks/depression?
Does she know when it is getting worse?
Does she know to ask for help? Or get a friend to help her ask for help?
COMMUNICATION
Does she communicate with you well? Will she tell you if things are not going good?
Will she accept your input? Will she be okay with you checking often to see how it is going?
LOCATION
How far away is the school? Will travelling home on her own cause stress if it is far away?
Can you pick her up if she needs a break?
My DD picked a school an hour away…far enough away to feel like she is “away” but close enough that we can get her if necessary.
TUITION INSURANCE
Look into getting tuition insurance if your DD cannot make it through the semester for medical reasons
ROOMMATES
Probably she will be happier if she knows who she is rooming with before she gets there.
Tell her that her expectation is that the roommate is a reasonable person and if they are good friends that exceeds expectations. Make sure she knows to talk to her RA about issues early on if she has issues.
COMPETITION:
My DD was the type of kid who likes to be around other competent people…like when she was in 5th grade basketball and she could have played down with the little kids (and be a star) or up with the older kids she chose to be up with the older kids.
We picked a school where she was at around the 75% of GPA/SAT… Not the best, but toward the top.
Malcolm Gladwell says it is best to be a big fish in a small pond, rather than the opposite.
Can your DD handle competing against the best of the best?
COMPLETION
It is better that she feels comfortable and does well in a “safety” school rather than get stressed out and drop out of a “reach” school. It is where you actually graduate from that counts.
INDEPENDENCE
Up until now, mom and dad have been prodding her somewhat to do homework, etc.
How well does she do this on her own?
PEER PRESSURE
For this one tiny span of time in their life, there is much pressure on going to a “good school”.
Once you are in school, nobody really cares where you are going, but senior year she may feel pressured to pick the “best” school even though it is not the best fit for her.
So if she picks a safety, then you (and her) can tell people: DD is going to East State college…we looked into many choices and this is the best fit for her.
@bopper - excellent post, wow! That’s what we tell people - Susquehanna is the perfect school for D and she is thriving there. Most people have never heard of the school, but so what? She’s getting an excellent education and lots of support, including weekly counseling sessions at no extra cost.
It is probably a little too far away from home, 500 miles, so we have to plan carefully for her trips home in order for her not to stress out about them.