There are way to many fun things to try in life than to spend time doing something that makes you cry from fear. Like others say I think the fear factor leads easily to injury.
Thank you for all of these great responses. I agree with the comments, I would not want her to do this if she is truly unhappy and afraid (especially if this can become dangerous for her), but that being said, I also agree with the responders who talked about sticking with something for the season, not quitting without giving real consideration. I wouldn’t want her to regret quitting something she has enjoyed for a while. I think I will speak with the coaches about having her continue, but modify her practices such that she can hold off a bit on the difficult new dives for the time being to see if she continues to enjoy the sport overall, and if she does not, part with the sport. I agree with all those that pointed out that goal of getting a scholarship or becoming a professional athlete is not a good or realistic one, I only want her to do this IF she loves it, given how much time of her life involved. Thank you all.
I am a former diver (at a high Division 1 and national level), a coach, and a parent of a diver so maybe I can give you a little different perspective.
The first thing to consider is what is she afraid of. Is it the pain from hitting the water or fear of hitting the board? These are two very different fears and there are different ways to tackle them.
If the fear is of hitting the board, this is the fear that can be tackled with facts. Hitting the board is very rare. Hitting the board and suffering a severe injury is even more rare. Most divers that hit the board do so with their fingers or toes, kind of like slapping your fingers on the edge of a table. Painful yes but generally nothing more than hitting your finger with a hammer, temporary manageable pain. In the rare cases where a diver hits their head, again these are typically not severe injuries. They look dramatic and can be severe but most are not. The most famous case of a diver hitting the board is Greg Louganis at the 1988 Olympics. He hit his head, completed the dive, was treated and finished the competition, winning the gold medal. A more recent example, although still 10-15 years ago, was Chelsea Davis hitting her face on the board at world championships. She went to the hospital, received a few stictches, went back to her hotel and then made the morning TV new show circuit the next day, doing interviews. I recently read a masters thesis that studied concussions among female NCAA divers and while I think their sample size was small, only one concussion came from hitting the board, the rest were from hitting the water.
The fear of hitting the water is where most diving fear is placed. This is the hardest hurdle to get over and unfortunately is tough to overcome because it is going to happen, and going to happen a lot. When I was your daughter’s age I had that fear. My coach at the time was nationally recognized and one of the best age group coaches in the US. That said his motivation was through threats which worked for me (the fear of his retribution was greater than my fear of smacking the water) but would not work for everyone and is not the right approach. In junior high I tolerated the pain for a 6 month period while I learned everything I would need to be able to compete in HS, become a state champion, become an All American, and be recruited to dive in college. I was able to put aside the fear, knowing it would be short term, in order to reach my goals. The difference I see with my divers today is that their goals are all over the place and most have the goal to have fun and smacking is not fun.
When I went to college I still had the fear of smacking the water but realized at 18 years old and stepping up to the “big time” I had a lot more to learn and with that came more smacking and from a lot higher boards/platforms. This fear was overcome in two ways. First I just accepted it, it was going to happen and hundreds of divers go through it every day, why was I so different that I couldn’t handle it? Second I was in a program with a small close knit group and we celebrated both the good and the bad. A really “good” crash brought applause from the others, it took away some of the shame and pain when everyone was supportive. After several crashes and then success the success was celebrated even more and the sense of pride was what drove all of us.
My fear almost stopped me from diving in college because I knew the heights were higher and the crashes would hurt more. I pushed through because I had to see where diving could take me and I have never regretted it. The friends I made through diving have been lifelong friends and those connections are helping me get divers college opportunities and coaching access they would otherwise never have. When I am together with those friends we rarely talk about the perfect dive or who won what and when; we talk about the crashes and the fear we had because it really bound us together because it was a shared experience every diver has had.
This has been a long post but one more quick story. I coach against a former Olympic silver medalist that was a boyhood hero of mine and as a result we have become friendly. We have never talked about his Olympic experience but routinely will talk about our college experiences and coaches and how they helped us work through the fear. Again the fear and overcoming it is a common thread for all divers across all levels of the sport.
In the end there are some that will never overcome the fear and some that don’t want to over come it because they are simply in it for the fun factor, and that is alright. If your daughter does have natural talent and overall enjoys diving I would look for a way to help her understand the fear to get past it. The fear factor really should only account for 10% of her time in the sport as it really manifests itself when learning something new. Coaches are a great help in this as they have been through it before and can “talk the talk” about the hows, whys, and whats of diving fears.
My middle school daughter was in a similar situation with gymnastics last year. Went so far as to fake a concussion. Two months later, it was like nothing ever happened.
iaparent, THANK YOU for that long thoughtful response. Breaking out the different fears, and the point of focusing on the overall goal is very helpful, I will talk to her about that.
I have a daughter who is the same age. What she’s going through is completely normal. This probably has nothing to do with anxiety about new diving moves. She’s probably discovering that she doesn’t like the sport. This is the age where she wants to find her identity, and it’s very healthy to let her try new things. She might find out that she likes volleyball instead. There’s lots of sports to choose from.
If she really likes the teammates and the coaches, I would see if she can stop learning new dives for a while and just focus on the ones she already knows. But then obviously she should quit if she then decides that moving forward in the sport is not for her.
8th-grade gymnast’s mom here. Could fear of heights be an issue? Some people are genetically more likely to fear heights (saw this on 23andme profile). As kids get older they also start “thinking” more about the danger of certain moves or the stress of competition. Nerves/stage fright/self-conciousness (and hormones) become bigger issues. They start to over-analyze their performance. Adolescent growth spurts are hard on athletes–especially in sports like gymnastics and diving where twisting/flipping/falling and the sense of your body’s size/shape/position in relation to board/aparatus/water/floor are key–and changing constantly. This is the age when competition ramps up–all but the talented and most dedicated have quit. Each higher level has fewer but better competitors. Reality sets in. It is just not fun anymore. School gets harder and it is a challenge to get homework done with crazy training schedules. They have no chance at the Olympics, and even a college scholarship is unlikely. (Should you even want that for your kid?) So is it worth spending even more time and money on this sport? So hard to give up when you’ve put so many years into it. Friendships, routines, little familiar things about the culture of the sport…all that will be over.
But if the kid is scared and crying, let her quit. In general, I’m more in favor of sticking with things and toughing it out, but in this case, your D could get her life back. (I’m kinda hoping my D will quit gymnastics after this season. She just doesn’t love it anymore, and she dislikes competition.)
I would let her quit, I would not want her to be in a situation of panic while in a competitive situation. I was totally thinking you meant scuba diving when I first read this, but then I realized you just meant diving into a pool. You don’t want her to get hurt, in any case, so if she is over this and not enjoying it anymore I would let her take the lead on what to do.
Is this the same kid who loves art? If so…let her do something in that area. It doesn’t have to be fancy schmancy. It can be arts/crafts.
But most important…she is a middle school student who is crying about diving…let her stop that…and find something to do that she enjoys and makes her smile…and happy.
I never…repeat…never…would force my kids to do something they were fearful of to the point of tears.
I wanted to add that her feeling that she is the only one that is scared may have some validity, depending on where everyone is in the learning process. Everyone learns at their own pace and her friends/teammates may have gone through the same thing but now be comfortable with the dives they have learned and she may still be in that learning phase. These things ebb and flow. In a couple of weeks, once she has learned the new dives and is more confident, she may no longer be scared but someone else on the team is learning something new and is terrified.
My son has been going through the same thing. He is a freshman and his season starts in 2 weeks. He has had his list of dives to learn for close to a year but hasn’t tried very hard out of fear (and no impending timeline for completion) but now the pressure is on. His fear has gone away because he now understands that the pain from a smack on the water is temporary but also necessary for him to be ready for his first high school season.
It works better with boys than girls and may be a bit politically incorrect but I have used the Keanu Reeves quote from The Replacements “Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever”. There is truth to it, pain from hitting the water is very temporary, scars are rare in diving, but the memories and accomplishments last forever.
I think one of the takeaways from @iaparent comments is the difference between elite athletes and the rest of us normal folk. I have seen S make sacrifices and put his body through things I would never ask him to do. But for him I never had to. He is a fierce competitor, first and foremost. At his core, that is just who he is. Different sport, but similar details. If getting smacked in the face 50 times a day for 6 months is what it takes to win, that’s what he does. I am sure that at times he wonders why, but never lets on about it, at least to people who are not part of that exclusive club.
She may need to be worked through this issue at this time. But she may just not have that mentality. Most people don’t. I mentioned to a coach recruiting S that there has to be something mentally wrong with guys that train and compete on the level S does and that coach until very recently did. No rational person would do what is required. He just got a smirk and said, “yeah probably.” He took it as a complement, which is how it was intended. But it certainly is not for everyone.
@atomom Yep, and you’ve been sitting around the gym for so long that it’s your social life too. Your friends are other gym parents. We used to joke that when gymnastics ended, we wouldn’t have any friends. And then a lot of the girls ended up in track, so we hung out at those meets, too!
My daughter was a competitive gymnast turned swimmer who dabbled in diving. She has great lines and could do amazing things in that sport. She is also afraid of hitting the board and describes the fear of immediate pain. Although injury is a potential in swimming it’s typically not immediate.
@ordinarylives . You bet, that is your social group. D1 and D2 were competitive swimmers starting at 6. When D1 graduated, I felt lost when college began and I no longer met up with these friends. Five of us were very close for many years so I invited them to meet for breakfast. 6 years later, our daughters aren’t quite as close, but we swim moms gather 4-6 times a year as a five-some, and more often for a one-on-one. I wasn’t as close to D2’s parent group, mostly because she was my baby and the other moms had their oldest child.
…back to diving. Let her quit. True fear leads to accidents and injuries. Are you near the end of the season? For us, middle school swim/dive is over at the holiday break, though year round continues until early August.
Honestly, if my kid was wanting to quit a sport out of fear for an activity that is genuinely dangerous… I’d pull the kid out immediately.
My daughter was very good at gymnastics as a youngster, but wanted to quit at around age 8. The reason she gave me was that she was afraid of the vault – I think that was very soon after she had learned to do a handstand flip over the vault. Doing the move was enough o terrify her and end her involvement with the sport.
She continued to participate in dance acrobatics and to practice tumbling during open gym hours – but no more team-sport gymnastics… because that vault scared her.
Kids have broken their necks and been paralyzed because of broken necks sustained in vaulting. Yes, sure, many athletes work through and overcome that fear and don’t get injured – but my daughter’s fear was realistic and as a parent I think I had the obligation of listening to her and taking her seriously.
In all the years she participated in acrobatics & dance she never sustained any injury more serious than shin splints. Maybe because she knew her own limitations – with the acrobatics she always had the freedom to refuse to participate in a move or a lift she was not comfortable with, without the pressure of team competitions.
I understand the “stick to the end of the season” rule for a safer sport – but not for a sport where there is a significant risk of serious injury: https://www.loyolamedicine.org/news/divers-high-risk-back-shoulder-injuries
Your child has articulated a very good reason for quitting. So respect her wishes and be a parent, not a coach. Protect her, don’t push.
This. And I want to say I know exactly how hard it is not to fall victim to the coach’s influence yourself. The coach’s job is really to keep kids in the sport, especially if they’re an asset to the team. I don’t know how all encompassing diving is as a sport (mine were on school teams, not private), but when you’ve made so much revolve around the sport (planning vacations around the meet schedule, meals around practice times, even other children’s activities around the sport), it can be very difficult to step back and NOT listen to/try to become the coach.
@calmom The article from Loyola Medicine is a bit misleading and is a good example of why diving has a “bad rap” today.
First they are looking at competitive divers which they state train 40 hours per week. The divers training to this degree are truely world class and there are maybe 30 of them across the country. High school programs are training maybe 15 hours a week and college is restricted to 20 hours per week. The divers discussed in the article are post collegiate, international level divers.
Second very few divers at lower than the collegiate level are doing anything from the 10M tower and even at the college level it is less than 10% of the divers up there.
Lastly you will notice that the article did not even mention hitting the diving board as an injury concern. This has been my point, the fear most parents and young divers have is hitting the board and as a result communities are getting rid of diving boards or eliminating programs based on fear but the cold hard facts are it is a somewhat baseless fear as hitting the board is incredibly rare and significant injuries from hitting the board are more rare.
I agree if a middle school athlete wants to quit there is no reason to force them to keep diving. That said, maybe an exploration of what the fear is, why it is there, and if it is baseless is worth having rather than running away from a very safe sport to possibly one with much higher incidents of injury and more significant injuries such as soccer, basketball, etc.
Sorry for the rant but this has been a hot button topic for me for 30+ years. The sport of diving is one of the most popular Olympic sports from a spectator perspective but is in jeopardy because of perceived danger that is negligable at best.
@ordinarylives I hear you about revolving your own life around your kid’s sport. We did that with swimming with my oldest. Swimming like some other sports never really ends. It just takes short breaks. My wife grew to hate the sport. It affected stuff we did in a big way. Sometimes I regret adjusting our life around the sport. Basically she could have missed some stuff and the world would not have ended. But in an endurance type sport missing practice or races can put you behind. It was a tough balance and I am glad I don’t have to make those decisions any longer.
@gpo613 And sometimes, as was the case for us, you don’t realize how much it has controlled your life or your thinking until you step back!