<p>Are any other parents afraid that their son or daughter is going to take the rejection too hard and do something stupid? My d was rejected from her top choice and it was the straw that broke the camels back in a series of disappoinments. The rejection is by far not the only thing that has happened but seemed to push her over the edge. I asked her today if I needed to be worried and she said maybe. She believes this is all paybacks for things coming too easily for her when she was younger. I am not sure what to do or how to deal with it, my heart is breaking for her. It was so much easier when she was younger and all you had to do was put a Scooby Doo band aid on and go out for ice cream.</p>
<p>Please seek professional counseling for your D asap if you have not already done so.</p>
<p>Yes, in my opinion the translation of your D's "maybe" is "YES, please be worried, please help!"</p>
<p>What kind of stupid are we talking about? What kind of shape is she in, and what's the future you're forseeing (i.e do you see this blowing over at all)? </p>
<p>If you are worried about her safety, get her in with a therapist as soon as you can and explain the situation. If you see this as an emergency, take her to the ER. Even if you're not, if there is a series of events causing her extreme stress or other emotion, she could likely benefit from some therapy sessions to talk it over. </p>
<p>For now, stay with her. Watch a movie. Make cookies. Just do something to take up the time for now. Try to put it in perspective for her (undergraduate college matters very little for grad school, and she can enjoy almost any school with the right attitude), and talk about any other issues she's been having, if you want to talk. Her problems are likely far beyond college admissions, though. None of this has any bearing on who she is as a person, and college admissions is absolutely no measure of her worth, skill, or talent. If her problems are serious, and you are getting her in with a therapist, you don't need to do anything but hug her and watch her. Seriously, don't let her out of your site for more than a few minutes at a time. Remember, teenagers are impulsive. Do not let her drive. Check in on her during the night. </p>
<p>I agree with HeliMom, a "maybe" from a teenage girl is a very big YES. Do not delay. It is very good that your daughter recognizes the shape she's in and will admit it to you.</p>
<p>I am not an idiot, she is in therapy and has been for awhile. She is not an irrational person, actually she is quite the opposite. I don't believe she has ever done anything spontaneous or dangerous in her life. If it were just the rejection I would say it would most definitely blow over. I will try to make this explanation as short as possible. She is a softball pitcher, used to be an exceptionally good one. Last year she suffered an injury, nothing major but it screwed up her motion. She continued to pitch but was average at best. Her starting spot was eventually lost to the second string. There was a first year coach who handled the situation horribly and obviously hates my d and I do mean it's obvious. My d worked her butt off the entire off season, personal trainer, pitching coach etc.. Wouldn't you know she suffered an injury the second day of tryouts. Again nothing major but it really ticked off the coach who told me not to taker her to the doctor - I did which ****ed her off more. The first game comes and d does not start, a sophomore does. Second game is a doubleheader my d pitches the second game, does okay but nowhere near what she is capable of, nothing like she has been throwing in the gym with her pitching coach. Third game d does not start. Today was a doubleheader so d gets a shot to prove herself. She did okay, team played like crap behind her (4 errors) and coach pulls her in the 4th inning. Sophomore pitches rest of d's game and the second game. We talked about why her speed is down during games and why her pitches don't seem to be working except in the gym. She says she feels so much pressure from the coach that it is always like trying out. She wants to quit. In all honesty, the sophomore is doing better then my d so at this point, other then how the coach treats my d, I cannot argue with her decision. The issue gets more complicated with the rejection. School that rejected d is Division I and d is not good enough to play softball so that was never a consideration. Second choice school is DIII and d has been heavily recruited for softball. She spent last weekend at the school with the coach and the team. She has no idea how to tell the college coach that she is not starting as a senior and has no stats, or poor ones, to present. Since it is a very small LAC she thinks it would be awkward to attend and not play softball. She really was a great oitcher two years ago, I can't figure it out. I really, really, hate the way the HS coach treats her. I have honestly never seen an adult play favorites so openly (I am not talking about playing time). Right now d is using the classic escape of sleep, beats drugs or alcohol.</p>
<p>Yes, in my opinion the translation of your D's "maybe" is "YES, please be worried, please help!"</p>
<p>I totally agree</p>
<p>No one is saying that you are an idiot. We just wanted to make sure that your daughter was getting the help that she needs. Teenagers are impulsive as a whole, as recent studies strongly suggest--it's nothing personal. I think that you should call your daughter's therapist, if you haven't already, and schedule an appointment for as soon as they can do it. Therapists are usually pretty good at getting you in ASAP when needed.</p>
<p>It sounds as if your daughter has had a tough time lately. Since all the major problems revolve around her team, college will probably help her tremendously. Is she interested still in playing D3 at the second choice school even though she hasn't been playing well lately? By the way, second choice is not bad! Some students are on their 6th!</p>
<p>Many college coaches go by potential and not just what is going on in high school. My son was heavily recruited even though he was injured his entire senior year of hs and was not competing in his sport or even able to train. She shouldn't give up- the DIII school might be a great opportunity.</p>
<p>The other thing is that her poor pitching right now may have everything to do with the coach - "performance anxiety." Things may turn around completely when she's dealing with a more nurturing coach who wants her to be there.</p>
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Since it is a very small LAC she thinks it would be awkward to attend and not play softball.
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<p>Happens all the time. That's the great thing about Div III sports (or should be). Nobody is holding a gun to your head to play. It's supposed to be fun. Play if she wants to. Don't play if she doesn't. As long as she's got that acceptance letter in hand, there's not a darn thing the Div III coach can do about it.</p>
<p>Tell her that, if she's that upset over softball pitching and arm trouble, she should be getting paid like Pedro Martinez!</p>
<p>daviban....cyber hugs to you and your D. You are doing the right things. Taking a path less travelled is an adventure. Don't second guess what her potential could be at the small LAC--especially not before a visit.</p>
<p>A good coach will see her potential and will know how to get her to play at her potential. You've had a bad coaching experience--but at this point--trust the Div III pitching coach to know what she (?) is doing. Good luck!</p>
<p>Since she is already seeing a therapist I would suggest you, or your daughter, call the therapist Monday morning with this lastest event and your daughter's reply to your question. I would also mention the stress that she is under on the team. Maybe a few sessions just about college and softball would be beneficial. I wish you and your daughter the best.</p>
<p>I in no way question the quality of the LAC. It is actually the school I would chose for her, especially since I am an alum. I was never the one pushing for the "elite" university, as a matter of fact, I didn't even like it. My d sort of sees someone for OCD. She doesn't really talk to anyone except for me and her friends. We are disagreeing at the moment, I would like her to hang on for one more week and pitch again at next weekends doubleheader (that is if the blankity blank coach plays her) she sees no point in being completely miserable for another week. The coach has ostracized her so completely that even her teammates are hesitant to "hang" with her. She sat alone on the bus ride home today. She has played with some of these kids for ten years and has always been well liked. I think the other players are afraid of hate by association. It just does not make sense to me as to why the coach hates her. I can only think of one other teacher/coach that disliked her. Most of her teachers truly enjoy her.</p>
<p>I know there is no pressure to play at a DIII. I played and was a pitcher. I think she would be more embarassed then anything. I keep telling her that I know the old pitcher is in her and just needs to come out - she says she is tired of working to find it. I understand but also don't want her to regret hanging up her cleats. Playing in college can be an awesome experience. I am also slightly perturbed at the amount of money I spent on pitching coaches and trainers in the off season :)</p>
<p>Is two months of tossing a softball for the remainder of high school really worth all this consternation? Seems like there's a lot of emotional investment in her pitching. In the grand scheme of things, seems like a pretty minor issue.</p>
<p>What about stopping now, healing both mentally and physically, and having a new beginning at the DIII school?</p>
<p>I suppose but I have never advocated her quitting anything. She is part of a team and needs to consider her teammates as well as herself. I also believe todays performance may have just been a bad day. It is also difficult to pitch well when the defense is not behind you which they weren't today. Pitching is something she has always loved and I hate to see her give up -I am not asking for 2 months, only one week and one more try. I am not a big believer in rash decisions, getting home from the game and having the rejection letter in the mailbox may have blown her emotions out of hand. Look at the major leagues, pitchers do have bad days. It stinks that her coach does not like her but what if she gets a boss, professor etc. who does not like her, is she going to quit? I also think that quitting may not be a wise choice as it most likely will make the rest of her senior year worse as I am sure her teammates will be upset with her. As I said, I am only asking for one more week then, if the result is the same, she can quit. Ultimately, it is her decision I just want to make sure she is thinking clearly and not letting her emotions get the best of her.</p>
<p>Minor issue to an adult. Remember high school where your identity is tied to what you do?</p>
<p>If there was ever a time to take some time off, it is now. Why keep pushing your daughter to find her past form? Why is it important to play for a coach and a team that has lost confidence in a player? </p>
<p>This is high school softball. In a few weeks, NOBODY will ever talk about this. Allow your daughter to walk away from this horrible experience with her memories and dignity. She'll start fresh at her LAC.</p>
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<p>Crossposted with above posts.</p>
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Remember high school where your identity is tied to what you do?
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</p>
<p>I'd prefer to think that high school is where your identity is tied to WHO you ARE?</p>
<p>I think you need to lighten up on your daughter. If she does anything stupid I'd be inclined to blame the overbearing parent. It seems to me like you just don't understand what she's going through, but you like to think you do.</p>
<p>Physically there is nothing wrong with her. As I said in an earlier post I am not sure quitting is the best option. Starting over at the DIII school means she would have to call the coach and explain why she quit and has no stats. I do not know if she is willing to do that, in her mind the world has come to an end. I also think the next month and a half of school will be miserable for her if she quits although she could stop being the "homework helpline" for the less intellectually blessed on the softball team.</p>