If @DarkMatter565 wants to start a thread based on his/her college experience that is fine but the focus of this thread should be kept on the OP.
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A number of posts hidden and deleted. Lets get back to the OP please.
Back to the OP.
Life is a long journey. Every one of us has experienced ups and downs along the way. When your son feels a bit down, the last thing he should do is to stop and dwell on it. Instead, direct his energy to accelerate and move past it as quickly as he can. A barrier can slow someone down, but it can also serve as an invaluable training for him to overcome many other (and likely higher) barriers that he will surely encounter along his journey.
I cannot imagine anyone who could possibly have needed tutoring in mathematics to do well there.
: ( what’s wrong with that?? everyone needs a little guidance once in a while…
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How about we stop talking about the other kid? The OP is asking us to provide advice on their son, not on the kid he tutored.
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@parent600 To add something.
It’s OK for your son, and you for that matter, to feel that the decision was “unfair”. Even if you and your son know, intellectually, that is was simply how college admissions go, one cannot control what one feels. Your son sound like a great kid, and he is probably also feeling bad about feeling “but I deserve it more!”
Let him express this to you, where it’s safe, so that he can work through the feelings and move on. He should know that these feelings are normal, and do not mean that he is a bad person and a bad friend. The only thing that he should remember is to suppress those feelings around his friend.
And forget about what anybody else says. It’s OK for you to feel the same, and you’re not a bad person for feeling this. You’re a parent, and that’s what we do. We rail at the universe for not treating our kids the way we wish our kids were treated.
Very soon, this too will be in his rear view mirror.
MIT is an excellent school, but that doesn’t make it a Shining Temple on a mountain which only accepts the best of the best of the kids who fought their way through the dense jungle, suffered the hellish heat of the rocky desert plains, climbed the icy precipices, solved the riddles of the Sphinx, and were chosen by the spirit of learning and knowledge because they remained pure of heart and clear of mind.
A great school, but forget “rankings”. There is no such thing as an objectively “best school”.
Stephen Jay Gould was one of the greatest evolutionary biologist of his generation. He was rejected by Harvard back when it was far easier to be accepted than today (1960). He attended Antioch College instead.
From there, he was accepted to grad school at Columbia. He got his PhD in four years, hired by Harvard on graduation. Tenure in four years, full professor in eight and the most prestigious named chair at Harvard for Zoology in 16 years.
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Your son is obviously very bright and talented and, as they say, will grow wherever he is planted. Agree with those who say he should be allowed to feel sad, frustrated, disappointed, etc, but give it a few days and then encourage him to focus on the positive things about the school he selects. He is obviously an excellent tutor and should be proud of the work he has done to help the other student. Life isn’t always fair but things work out in the end. Good luck to you and your wonderful son.
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OP here again.
Thanks for all the encouraging words. I think MWolf has it right and that both my son and I have felt guilty for feeling the way that we do.
I would like to state that both boys are amazing young men. I certainly don’t want to diminish the wonderful acceptance of the other boy.
But it has been great for me to hear other parents perspectives. I’ve felt quite lonely having to deal with this without sharing it with anyone else.
I also now feel quite sheepish, as my son came home bouncing from school and said he’d made his college decision. He proceeded to excitedly talk about all the amazing classes and opportunities of the place he’d picked.
So really I should have posted this a month ago, or waited a day and not needed to post it at all. But seriously, this thread has been enormously helpful.
I think this past weekend just brought back all his original feelings of the rejection, as we had a family party and I think every (well-meaning) relative said to him variations of, “Wow. You didn’t get in? What are they looking for? The place must be full of super geniuses.” Not helpful. I know they all meant well and were trying to cheer him up. That coinciding with the MIT admitted students weekend must have made it all fresh in his mind again.
He’s waiting a couple of days and then he’s going to commit. So it seems all will be well and I guess I didn’t need to panic after all.
Thanks again.
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That’s great! Looking forward to hearing his decision after May 1!
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So happy for your son (and you). You should be incredibly proud - he sounds like a talented student and (more importantly) a wonderful young man. I wish him happiness and success in college and beyond.
Time to order a hoodie and t-shirt from his college of choice and celebrate.
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For others…and for the future. This is why we never discussed our kids’ college applications or acceptances with ANYONE before they made a matriculation decision. So really…no one knew where else our kids applied except where they chose to attend.
When asked we politely said “we are looking forward to sharing the college choice after May 1” and we repeated it as often as needed…and that was a lot for some people.
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Would you mind sharing the schools to which your son was admitted?
(I hope I don’t pry tooooooo much. hehe)
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I want to commend you for validating your son’s feelings and allowing him to work through his reactions, without judgement or admonishment.
My reaction would have been different, more along the lines of “suck it up, buttercup,” and focusing on how these decisions aren’t personal and he wasn’t entitled to any acceptance. I won’t psychoanalyze the reasons for my response, but I acknowledge that the way you handled this situation likely led to a much healthier and more positive outcome for your whole family.
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I think as parents, we often take these things on on behalf of our kids, and often they move on before we do.
OP, you’re a class act. You raised a smart kid who is kind and a good friend. And he’s resilient. My guess is both boys will go far.
Moments like this are hard, and most lives involve more than a fee of them. The girl you like has a crush on your best friend, you get passed over for a promotion, etc. Your son has already figured out how to negotiate disappointment and move on. How awesome is that??!! He’ll do great wherever he lands!
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This thread has actually been helpful for me, even though none of my kids has ever tutored anyone or applied to a highly rejective college!
Rejection is frankly an awful feeling, and when my kids get rejected, it’s exponentially worse. Even when I know that they are better off, will be fine, it all works out for the best, etc. It’s not logical, it’s biological. When someone else is chosen, it can feel even worse or more complicated with jealousy/guilt.
@parent600 , for me, it helps to be aware that those feelings can resurface, even when everything actually has worked out for the better, and your child has moved on. It’s like echoes of the original moment when you feel punched in the stomach on behalf of your child. But it passes!
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I am so happy to hear your son is excited about the college he will be attending! As to opinionated relatives - most are totally unaware of how insanely competitive college admissions are today.
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Best of luck to your son - by far the worst part of the college process was the expectations - even by the most well meaning of family members. I’m very glad to hear he’s excited about his choice and hope he was a wonderful experience!