Need advice -- parents don't get my choices

Colleges and Universities A-Z Service Academy Parents
1

<p>I posted this on the overall parents forum as well.</p>

<p>I am a high school junior. Great grades 4.0; (not weighted) 2340 SAT; captain of my hockey team, play first chair in the school symphony, and run a sub 5 mile. I volunteer at a local shelter and help tutor kids in the city.</p>

<p>Here is my problem. I could do the HYPS thing. My mom is a Smithie and my father went to Princeton and that's all I hear about.</p>

<p>But I want to go to West Point or the Naval Academy. I want to serve my country as either an Army or Naval Officer. The academics are great, the sports are competitive and I feel I will be truly challenged at one of these schools the way I wouldn't at an Ivy. They object to me even applying.</p>

<p>I usually get along with my parents but this has created a huge riff. I don't want to spend the next year fighting about this.</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

2

<p>Many parents are in the same camp as yours. It sounds like your parents have some underlying liberal leanings (nothing wrong with that) that may be going against your military aspirations. I would try this with them. Suggest that as liberal thinkers they are probably open-minded ( a good thing) and that they should learn more about the opportunities of service in the various academies. Can't be against something if you don't know much about it. Better to learn what it's all about and then you can make an intelligent choice. Suggest that you would like to explore it together and don't want to rush to judgement. Many parents start off where your are but change significantly later in the process. Best of luck.</p>

3

<p>Possibly you should contact your BGO and ask him/her to have an informational conversation with you and your parents. The BGO might know some midshipmen who could also be in contact with you and your parents. If your parents will agree to meet these people and have an open dialog it might help all of you make an educated and rational decision. Good luck!</p>

4

<p>We too, were taken aback by the whole academy thing--it hadn't really crossed our radar (and we are far from liberal!) See if you can find some previous cadets/mids to talk to--and some current officers. Try to get your folks to go to an Academy Day hosted by your congressmen. Do you live close enough to any academies to visit? I think most parents, when shown their student's interest and when they have the facts, will at least consider it.</p>

5

<p>Eclectic: If you haven't found the older threads on this subject before take a look at:</p>

<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=89321%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=89321&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Any opportunity to have your parents meet with current mids or recent graduates would be excellent -- I emphasize "recent" grads, especially women, as the press on harassment at the Academies may be part of their objection and it's very important they understand the current environment. From my perspective, as a parent of college students in civilian environments as well as USNA, the safety for women in the Academy environment FAR exceeds that of civilian colleges.</p>

<p>I also recommend you get, read, and pass on to your parents an excellent book called "Becoming a Leader the Annapolis Way" by Johnson and Harper. This book is written for business leaders, and relates the methodology and value of the Academy approach to leadership training to the skills that contribute to maximum success in the civilian world. You may have the opportunity to position your choice as not only based on your desire to serve your country, but also to build a critical skill set -- leadership -- that is almost impossible to develop to the same degree in any civilian college in the US today. </p>

<p>You don't know right now if a long term military career will be your final choice (nobody does, and there may be things like injury that are ultimately out of your control), but the opportunity to develop skills at a young age that top CEO's struggle to attain, is valuable beyond price.</p>

<p>Finally, if their resistance to the idea is based in the understandable fear that all parents have of losing their children -- be patient, mature and understanding. The reality is that the parents of Academy children almost always find that they grow closer, faster, to their children as the result of the Academy experience. The reality is also that while there are risks to military service, there are risks everywhere in life -- but the gut fear of a parent at this potential loss is inevitably heightened in a time of war. </p>

<p>So approach your parents with knowledge, kindness and understanding, not with your fists up. Consider this your first challenge in leadership training: lead them to understanding you and valueing your choices. Your goal isn't to wear them down or break your relationship with them. If you find yourself fighting with them, step back, breath deep, and start asking them questions. The more you understand their perspective the better you will be able to lead them.</p>

<p>And please, never forget, these will be the most important people in assuring your success at the Academy. Value them, respect them, understand them. After all -- isn't this what you want them to do for you!</p>

6

<p>oiixxg,</p>

<p>Great advice.</p>

7

<p>you might gently point out that the Naval Academy had the most Rhodes Scholars this year, ahem.</p>

8

<p>Thank you. This is very helpful.</p>

9

<p>get them to let you apply to the summer seminars... stepping stones. </p>

<p>apply summer > go summer > say how fun summer was > convince them to visit > open an application > apply > continue bringing up the idea > go</p>

<p>if you just say you want to skip all those above steps and just "go" to west point, theyre gonna say no. follow the stepping stone process. hmmm i shouldn't be posting the valuable information in the parents section.</p>

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<p>oiixxg: what an excellent post- and some solid advice! Having been a little slow on getting aboard myself, I can see where that route might have smoothed the path a bit, and no doubt your wisdom will help others!</p>

11

<p>As "Dear Abie"(as Archie Bunker called her) used to say, "Show this thread to your parents. They might learn something from it."</p>

12

<p>eclectic girl,
Why don't your parents want you to attend a service academy?</p>

13

<p>These are terrific ideas posted here. There are also a number of summer "sports camps" at the academies - Navy's crew program is outstanding.
I can also say that when your folks were in college, the military was "WAY" out of favor, especially in the ivies. So be patient and follow the "stepping stone" process.<br>
I also recommend asking parents' friends if they have contacts at your Members of Congress (not that you really need them, but it gets a conversation going). You will be surprised if you ask around what interesting information and support you will find in often unexpected places and people!
Best wishes! As a businesswoman, I can tell you than when female academy grads are looking for jobs, they get immediate respect & attention!
(also, I agree that "regular" campuses have plenty of problems & academies have a lot more control than an Ivy!)</p>

14

<p>I have tried to have this conversation with them, and will continue to do so.</p>

<p>But it is everything. First, they are opposed to the war. Two, they hate George Bush. Three, they think it is beneath me to be in the Army or Navy.</p>

<p>BTW, I think the war is the right thing to do, but Bush shouldn't have blown the WMD thing out of proportion. George Bush won't be President forever. And protecting my country is a very high calling.</p>

<p>They have always told me to be careful what I wish for, because I might just get it. Well, they wanted a strong-willed, thoughtful, independent daughter -- and they got one.</p>

<p>I have time and I will take the stepping stones.</p>

15

<p>Eclecticgirl: The "regulars" on this forum helped clear away my cobwebs ---I hope your's get cleared away, too. God bless....</p>

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<p>Eclecticgirl, bush will be gone before we commission.. Commander-in-Chief McCain!</p>

<p>my dad just doesnt want me to get shot.</p>

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<p>EG,</p>

<p>A lot of posters on the Parents' Forum have given you some really good advice. Let me try to answer your parents objections. </p>

<p>First of all, no one is "for" the war - especially in the military for all of the obvious reasons. The parents of cadets/mids are more interested in peace than any other parents here on college confidential - again, for the obvious reason. </p>

<p>Second, for some reason your parents hate George Bush. Politics aside, you will likely have very little to do with him. There are many Democrats at the academies. It is possible that because they are not as familiar with the academies, they expect students to be fanatic warmongers. They are just honorable kids from all backgrounds and walks of life.</p>

<p>Third, beneath you? You - and they - will meet the most honorable, intelligent, committed people. And they can come to be so proud that you could be a part of this talented group of people. The qualities that make a good officer are just what most parents hope their children will demonstrate. It's not beneath you, but what you can aspire to.</p>

18

<p>EG,</p>

<p>Not to be mean or rude, but maybe you should ask them who made their nice life possible? us- you, and everyone on this board that decides to join the military. without the great people that served in the military they would not have been able to go to princeton or whatever college it was. </p>

<p>you dont have to agree with the war or president bush. im an extreme liberal. the one thing we all have in common is the desire to serve our country and make it better for future generations. </p>

<p>maybe your parents should think about that before they place you under themselves.</p>

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<p>One more thought (and there are a lot of good ones here), elaborating on Weski's point. As someone who does a lot of hiring in a large financial services company, academy grads are in a special category. Those resumes move to the top of the pile. Companies are honored to have people who have dedicated so much of their lives to service. And they are simply some of our most productive people. They have incredible attitudes, great work ethics, obviously they respect authority and, of course, they are fabulous leaders. Beleve me, I'm not the only hirer that has noticed this -- they get snatched up quickly in the job market. I think the idea of showing these posts to your parents might be a good idea too. Best of luck. And SparkleandShine: unless you're a parent, please, please understand that this road is incredibly difficult for most of us. in this case, it may be an emotional objection disguised as a political one. Either way, I hope Eclectic Girl can win her parents over without any direct assaults. I understand you were just posting from the heart!</p>

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<p>EG, Sparkle, Taffy: Of course, No one wants their son or daughter shot at or blown up. Nor do I want them killed by a drunk driver or raped or killed for their parka. However, I do want my children to be "the best they can be" and aspire and work toward their dreams. I want them to have strong ideas, convictions and knowledge plus the ability to act on them. Depending on what it is you want to do with your life, be it Princeton (see Alioto) or Academy (see McCain), give it your very best shot! This is not 1976 - the times, schools and politics have all evolved. In the next year, you will change your mind many times as you move forward. Look into all avenues and never slam doors shut. Our country needs a new generation of bold, intelligent leaders in all walks of life. Do whatever you decide with all your heart and soul.
And keep us in the loop!</p>