Parents don't understand my choices -- need advice

<p>I am a high school junior. Great grades 4.0; (not weighted) 2340 SAT; captain of my hockey team, play first chair in the school symphony, and run a sub 5 mile. I volunteer at a local shelter and help tutor kids in the city.</p>

<p>Here is my problem. I could do the HYPS thing. My mom is a Smithie and my father went to Princeton and that's all I hear about.</p>

<p>But I want to go to West Point or the Naval Academy. I want to serve my country as either an Army or Naval Officer. The academics are great, the sports are competitive and I feel I will be truly challenged at one of these schools the way I wouldn't at an Ivy. They object to me even applying.</p>

<p>I usually get along with my parents but this has created a huge riff. I don't want to spend the next year fighting about this.</p>

<p>Any advice?</p>

<p>Get in contact with an Admissions officer at the service academy and have them help you.</p>

<p>Why exactly do your parents object? Do they think you won't get the same kind of education? The education and prestige are certainly there, and much more else. So ask your counselor and the admissions folks for help.</p>

<p>West Point - $0
Princeton - $180k+</p>

<p>where do you live in new england.
if you apply you need to be nominated by a delegate from your state
(us senator or someone else)
i am an intern for my us senator so i get to help pick who will be nominated lol
however your stats are literally the best ive seen and i live in one of the most competitive states (ny)
i suggest you try for westpoint. if your physically capable there no reason why u shouldnt be accepted</p>

<p>congrats</p>

<p>I truly admire you for wanting to serve our country. But for many parents it is extremely difficult to see their kids go into uncertain and dangerous circumstances. I am sure there are many parents of police officers, firefighters, and soldiers who feel the same way. Your parents relunctance very well may be based on the "fear factor" of you going into a service academy while our country is at war. Yes, there may be additional factors involved as your parents did attend Ivy schools--but I have to imagine your safety factor plays a hugh part of this situation. The only thing I can add is to have you also consider the Merchant Marine Academy at Kings Point and if you may be interested in Naval architecture or marine engineering check out the Webb Institute on Long Island. These are also ways of serving our country. As a parent, it seems safer (though it probably isn't) to be in the Merchant Marine than as a soldier on the ground. I know that once my own kids have made up their mind about something, it is hard for me to dissuade them. I wish you and your family well. Remember they really do want what's best for you. Of course what they think is best for you may not be what you think is best for you. Good luck.</p>

<p>Let's see, they love you very much, they live in NE and went to high powered academic schools - do they even know anyone in the military, particularly anyone who attended an academy??? - this is coming out of left field to them. Now if you are Douglas McArthur's great-granddaughter, I apologize. I guess I'm thinking they feel confused and are afraid for you.</p>

<p>If I am not mistaken, all military academies have camps in the summer for rising seniors that, while not required for admission, are highly encouraged, to give potential students an idea of what it is like. Two girls in my daughter's class were seriously considering academies - one had a brother at a service academy, she went on to apply, and is a frosh varsity team member at the same academy. The other girl did not have this close tie, although she had had military in her background, and she went to camp at the Air Force academy. The second girl who was Val, absolutely hated it, and did not pursue an appointment any further. I would contact your GC or the Admissions Officer and find out about these camps, try to attend one, it will help clarify your thinking, and help your parents see that if you do decide to apply, you are making a thoughtful choice.</p>

<p>Good luck in your decision-making, I think any parent would be worried about their child considering the military in these times, but that doesn't mean that it is or is't the right choice for you.</p>

<p>you run a sub 5 mile? That would put you at the top of many recruiting lists. (I think I can assume by your username that you are a girl) :)</p>

<p>I'm a student. You have some great advice, I just want to add that you need to apply to civilian schools, as well. With the Academies, kids not unfrequently get in and begin the summer training before finding out that they cannot serve due to failing some physical test or another (i.e. a difficult color blindness test). I know kids who this has happened to who have found themselves suddenly school-less in late July. I also know some kids who started out at an Academy and then figured out they didn't want that atmosphere. </p>

<p>If you have a good relationship with your GC, ask him/her to talk to your parents in a family meeting. You can also call up one of the schools and explain the situation. I'm sure they know how to convince reluctant parents. If you can talk your parents into it, visit one of the Academies. Take a tour, do an info session, and they'll probably be quite impressed afterwards. You should also get in touch with coaches at all of your schools in the bear future, if you are interested in running in college. You have a lot of options open to you, so do your research and encourage your parents to do the same. By the way, when did you take the SAT? I didn't take it until Spring of Junior year.</p>

<p>Judging from Doonesbury comic strip, the military would probably send an impressive guy in full uniform to have a serious talk with your parents.</p>

<p>As a mother (went to Mount Holyoke) I can easily understand not wanting your child to be "in harm's way" and would point out that there's more than one way to "serve your country" --but ultimately you must make your own decision--just make sure you get as much unbiased info as possible in advance so that your choice is based on realities and not idealistic fantasies or on stubbornly choosing whatever your parents do not want. Your toughest battle may be the one you will have to fight with your parents.</p>

<p>Good point, Pye. With your scores and abilities, the military will do everything they can to get you, I suspect. You'll have some big guys fighting on your team.</p>

<p>I would suggest you do as much research as you can and keep it quiet for a while.</p>

<p>As an alternative to the military academies, have you considered the Reserve Officer Training Program (ROTC) available at many universities and most IVYs. If your parent's objection is NOT the dangers of military service, but rather the fact they are pushing a Princeton education, this could be the best of all possible worlds for you. ROTC = free education in return for fours years of military service. I'll bet your parents won't object too much to not paying Princeton's tuition and R&B. As just one example, see Princeton websites: <a href="http://purotc.org/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://purotc.org/&lt;/a> and <a href="http://www.princeton.edu/%7Earmyrotc/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.princeton.edu/~armyrotc/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>You sound like a kid any parent would be proud of! I echo the suggestion of an earlier poster and suggest you speak with your guidance counselor for ideas to help win over your parents. Do you think maybe there could be some sort of snobbery involved?</p>

<p>While I agree with those who pointed out that you should be applying multiple places (you may change your mind), I think you should also check out the Air Force Academy and the Coast Guard Academy. Your parents may also be more comfortable with non-Army options. While I would hate for my kids to go to West Point, despite multiple generations of Army service in the family, I would be more comfortable with the Air Force or the Coast Guard--because the dangers are fewer.</p>

<p>eclecticgirl,</p>

<p>No representative of any service academy will try to influence your parents. You're right to do your own research and the first thing to do is apply to the summer programs at each of the academies in which you have an interest. Also, as the academies host local information sessions, attend with your parents. The presenters at these sessions are extremely impressive and the information they provide is valuable for both candidates and their parents. It is a very long and difficult admissions process. It is followed by a very difficult 4 years. Your stats are terrific and you should be a candidate for an LOA (letter of assurance). Earning this reduces the stress of the admissions process tremendously.</p>

<p>My daughter came to me in her sophomore year with an interest in West Point. I had a knee-jerk negative reaction probably similar to what your parents are going through. As a former flower child of the 60's, I was very sceptical. I began doing my own research while she was doing hers and fell totally in love with the choice. The academics are outstanding, the leadership training is incredible and your colleagues will be some of the brightest, most dedicated individuals you can meet. This is the ultimate community service career, but you really need to be sure that it is the path you want to pursue. Career opportunites are endless. </p>

<p>Do your research so that you can make the most informed decision possible. And I echo what others have said. Look at all 5 academies. Hang out on the service academy boards where you can ask a lot of questions, look at each academy's website and reach out to Admissions. They will be happy to work with you, while not trying to talk you into anything. Good luck!!</p>

<p>eclecticgirl,</p>

<p>One additional thing that may be in the back (or front) of your parents' mind is the sexual harrassment and even rape of female cadets. In recent years there have been major scandals about this, particularly at the Air Force Academy. But the problems there may be coloring your parents' view of all the service academies. Even though I was born on an Air Force base and grew up proud to be an Air Force brat, I have to say that I'd have to take a long, hard look before I'd send any of my daughters off to that school.</p>

<p>Now I know that commanders were fired and reforms put in place, but if this is one of the issues bothering your parents, you may wish to look in some depth at how successful the reforms have been. Have the problems been solved or merely papered over? Was it just the AFA, or did the smoke just not errupt into fire yet at West Point and Annapolis? I don't know the answers. Find out what you can. If there is documention of true reform that you can show your parents, perhaps their fears about this (if they exist) might be eased.</p>

<p>While I am an uber liberal and strongly oppose the war in Iraq(not Afghanistan though), I totally respect any student who wishes to enter into the military and/or attend one of our national Academies.</p>

<p>Yes, you need to get an appointment by your Senator or Representative which, given your hs record, should be no problem at all.</p>

<p>You need to have a real heart to heart with your parents in order to reach some kind of understanding. I hope they understand that there are few things more honorable than a distinguished military career. Yes it can be dangerous, particularly in time of war(ie now). But life itself is frought with danger and uncertainty. I am sure they honor military service too, in the abstract. Your job is to bring them to honor it in reality. But they are not unlike many of our "patriots" who support war as long as someone elses child is sent off to fight. Did you know that there was only one Congressman who had a son or daughter enlisted in the armed forces. It may have included grandchildren too, though I am less certain of that.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and God bless your spirit!!!</p>

<p>If you change your mind and decide that military service isn't for you - you can drop out of ROTC after your freshman year without any service obligation and without haven't to pay back any of the scholarship money owed. This fact is not highly publicized for obvious reasons. Besides being dishonest and dishonorable, it's too steep a price to pay to accept an ROTC scholarship secretly knowing beforehand that you're planning to drop out after one year.</p>

<p>Buy a copy of this book and read it:</p>

<p>
[quote]
Absolutely American : Four Years at West Point -- by David Lipsky

[/quote]
</p>

<p>It is fascinating. Then have your parents read it. They may change their tune.</p>

<p>Wow! Thank you!</p>

<p>This is great advice. </p>

<p>I am planning on applying to a number of schools and I will look into ROTC. </p>

<p>I will talk with my parents more. You have great insights into what might be going on in their heads. I think it is a little of everything. I hope that as they learn more they come around.</p>

<p>Thanks again.</p>