Need advise from other Parents

Parents Forum
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<p>Please try not to judge to much as this is the first child I am putting through college.</p>

<p>My D applied to 5 in state schools.
She is in a very small school in a very rural community. 1 of the schools we applied to we considered a reach. GC said no one from our school could get in. It's more expensive etc.
She has taken all of the college and AP courses offered at her school...AP Calc...College English...Intro To Psychology....Yep thats all they offer lol.
She was absolutely thrilled to be accepted to all 5 schools, including the reach, she actually jumped up and down.</p>

<p>We narrowed it down to three schools when it came time for verification for FAFSA.
what we consider the reach, a safety and a fallback.</p>

<p>Her Reach sent her a great FA package, but all of a sudden she was less than enthusiastic about going to the school, saying it would be to be to big, to hard..etc. Seriously I think this comes from "friends" who have told her how hard it is.</p>

<p>Her Safety sent her an FA package with almost twice the loans. But still she was interested. We went and looked at the school and it is a good school, but truely nothing compared to the other. </p>

<p>So the things we liked about the smaller school are..smaller class sizes..her whole graduating class is 40...opportunity for research as a freshman...smaller campus.</p>

<p>THe opportunity for real research at the other school seemed very unlikely do to tons of graduate students doing research, and the sheer number of kids competing, she is not overly outgoing, frankly has never really had to be.</p>

<p>Here's my problem..the big reach school is now offering her some very nice opportunities with smaller classes, research etc.. and she is stuck on the other school and at this point will not even considered the better school. </p>

<p>Do I keep pushing her to see what she is giving up or do I just let her go to the lesser school and hope that in 6 months she doesn't think she made a big mistake.</p>

<p>I am seriously torn and need some helpful advise from other parents.</p>

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<p>did she double deposit?? I don’t understand why the decision hasn’t already been made.</p>

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<p>Ok here’s why I ask to not judge…lol…yes I did double deposit, not realizing that was improper.
She had it narrowed down to the 2 so I sent in to both.</p>

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<p>She might never look back, or she may feel that she made a mistake regardless of where she goes.</p>

<p>I can tell you that my son chose a safety school, and I am letting him attend.</p>

<p>Is it possible that at her match or safety schools, she might end up with a higher gpa than at the reach school? That is also something to consider.</p>

<p>Additionally, I don’t believe in pushing. If she is unhappy, she might point fingers at you for years to come. I would let her decide what is best. Sometimes they also have internal reasons that they don’t share with parents. She may truly feel that she will be over head at that reach school, no matter how much she tries. What if that did happen, and she was right all along? </p>

<p>As far as the financial end, if you can only afford to send her to the reach, are there any other possiblilities? Can you make one of the other schools work financially?</p>

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<p>If classes are still in session at the reach school, could you ask her to go sit in on a freshman class?</p>

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<p>No boyfriend involved is there? Sorry for asking, but several of my daughters’ friends made decisions based on their boyfriends’ locations/opinions. If that is not the case, I’d make her aware of my opinion and then let her decide, because otherwise you will be the scapegoat for any unhappiness at a school you picked. Your D must be a very wonderful young woman to have such success when applying to college. While you say she is not very outgoing, you will observe tremendous growth in the next few years. My youngest D was a freshman at our state flagship this year, not because she worried about her dream school but because an unemployment forced the decision. Like your D, she was not terribly outgoing, and I feared she would get lost in the shuffle. She realized she would have to step out of her comfort zone and be her own best advocate to get the opportunities she wanted on a huge campus. Her success in doing so exceeds all I had hoped for. She is thrilled with where she is at and I know that a year ago she never would have expected that result. Best wishes to you and your daughter.</p>

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<p>Am I getting this straight: if she goes to the safety school she will have to take out substantial loans? What kind of debt would she have by graduation? What would the payments be on that debt?</p>

<p>I am almost always in favor of a student going to the best school they can get into. When that school is also financially preferable, and when it is able to offer programs that meet her more intangible needs–sounds like an honors program–the decision seems like a no-brainer.</p>

<p>I’m particularly struck by her idea that the reach school would be “too big, too hard” and that the GC said no one from your school could get in. It sounds as if she is listening to fear-mongering naysayers with a very narrow vision of her possible future. The fact is that if she goes to the reach school–which may not in fact have been a reach for her at all, by the sound of it!–she can always transfer to something less selective and smaller if it turns out that she doesn’t like it. The reverse is not true. Moreover, due to their better FA, she will not be burdened with debt.</p>

<p>In most cases parental pushing should be limited, but in a case like this I would do whatever you can do to boost her confidence that she can and will succeed at the better school–tell her that they would not have accepted her if they did not believe that she will succeed there! I would also lay out for her the reality of taking on debt, and show her precisely what the payments would be and figure out how that would limit her future options. And yes, I would also play the ultimate card of refusing to take out loans yourself or cosign loans for the lesser school. I would also tell her that IF she finds, after a year at the reach school, that she genuinely doesn’t like it, you will fully support her transferring.</p>

<p>I hate to see a kid with a lot of potential throw away a chance like this. Sometimes kids DO need a push, and this sounds like one of those times.</p>

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<p>I think it depends on whether FA is a big consideration for you. Graduating with debt is a something to consider and if debt can be avoided with a generous FA package that would weigh very heavily for my family. The chatter from friends, family, teachers and others on the periphery can seem deafening, but you have the pros and cons laid out and you have to make the decision that works for your family, not just your student.</p>

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<p>northeast mom, the money isn’t a “worry” as the extra in loans for the other school is for her. $8,000.00 more to go to a “lesser” school doesn’t seem, at this point to bother her at all. It would also be, to tell the truth, easier for me as it is only 1 hour away, an aunt works in the town so getting her home or what she needs would never be a problem. I am not really pushing at this point, just pointing out the opportunities they are offering her…which to her is pushing.</p>

<p>hoosiermom, yes I do think ALOT of this has to do with a new boy in her life, however did you know lol? That and kids who cannot attend reach school for a variety of reasons telling her it is too hard for her, and you know how teens can be.</p>

<p>I feel that if at this piont if I don’t keep the doors open, and say 6 months into school she in feeling unchallenged, she will look at me and say how could you let me go here. I also feel if I push to hard, and it goes sour I will be to blame. I am between a rock and a hard place. Granted I do realize now that I put myself in this situation, but here i sit wondering how to get out of it.</p>

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<p>My guess is that the Reach school really wants her because she is not like the vast majority of their students. A top student coming from the middle of nowhere is a real prize. If they admitted her, they believe she can be successful. There is no such thing as an admissions mistake.</p>

<p>And to be perfectly frank, she has no business choosing a school that offers her a boat-load of loans instead of scholarships. Is that 8,000 a year or over four years? Sit down with her and run some of the loan repayment calculators at [FinAid</a>! Financial Aid, College Scholarships and Student Loans](<a href=“http://www.finaid.org%5DFinAid”>http://www.finaid.org) and at [College</a> Calculators - savings calculators - college costs, loans](<a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>Calculate Your Cost – BigFuture | College Board) If you really want some scary reading, look at [Project</a> on Student Debt: Voices](<a href=“http://projectonstudentdebt.org/voices_list.php]Project”>http://projectonstudentdebt.org/voices_list.php) Talk with her about just exactly how long it will take her to dig herself out of that debt. Talk with her about opportunities she will have to pass up because she can’t pay for them. What else could she spend 8,000 on? A good used car? An unpaid summer internship that she really wants to do? Airfare to Australia? Perhaps the loans are do-able. But if they aren’t, she shouldn’t go to that college/university. She needs to study at the place that is affordable for your family.</p>

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<p>A boy! That’s all I needed to hear!! :smiley: </p>

<p>Push away, mom, push away.</p>

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<p>I agree completely with the above post by Consolation - she should go for the reach school - if it doesn’t work out - transferring “down” will be easier than transferring “up”. Would you care to name the schools? You might find someone on CC who knows either or both schools and can give you more specific pros and cons of each one.</p>

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<p>Consolation,
School A; 1st year loan $1,500–taken care of with outside scholarship
2nd year loan—$3,200–
3rd & 4th year loan—$3,500—
also mandatory work study: 1st year—$2,000
2-4th year—$2,500
The rest is all grants and scholarships</p>

<p>School B: Loans–Sub. Direct loans—$3,500
FEd. Perkins Loan—$1303
Workstudy—$2,000</p>

<p>We have right now for the first year one $500 scholarship from this school, $3,000.00 from Walmart and one $500 Local.</p>

<p>School A is a school you would all recognize the name …
School B, not so much</p>

<p>Although it is not an Honors program as she refused to apply as friends said to her that school is so hard why would you try that. She has been asked by the Math depatment to participate in a special program for promising Math students…even encorporating Chemistry into it, which is her major. A Research opportunity for Freshman, which she was asked to applyy to, pretty sure she would get in. Plus a couple others.</p>

<p>I will try sitting her down and seeing if she fully understands the whole finmincial side of things.
Although she is shy she has always excelled when pushed outside her comfort zone and I truely think with the smaller class sizes they are offering her she would do very well.</p>

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<p>Are you saying that she would need to take on 8,000 extra in loans at the lower tiered school just for one year? If this is the case, and her real concern is truly about the new young man in her life, and not so much the workload, I agree, “Point out the positives of the top tier school”. Also, I would sit down with her and explain what 8,000 dollars in one year means, when she is willing to really really listen! I would try to talk to her about her needing to do what is best for her at this stage in life. Can you ask her how she would feel about more debt for a lower ranked schooled, if this young man does not continue to show interest by Thanksgiving weekend of freshman year (I have read that this is referred to as the “turkey drop” )?</p>

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<p>I’m pounding my head on the wall here, Kjmom, to save you the trouble of doing it.:smiley: She really, really needs to stop listening to people who want to tear her down and go for it!</p>

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<p>The only reason I have not mentioned the schools by name is that I have read enough on CC that I do NOT want her recinded from either school. If it is not a reason for her to be recinded I will gladly tell you the schools…just being careful as this means the world to us both.</p>

<p>It is $8,000 per year, maybe more as I know tuition tends to rise.
The other loans are basically fixed at what I stated.</p>

<p>By the way last night her father offered to buy her a car and computer to go to reach school, she said no…although I do not know where he is getting that money from lol. He would find a way to do it.</p>

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<p>I am sorry that is $4,000 a year in loans not $8,000…the $8,000 is what I figure is the total difference in the 2.</p>

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<p>You are wise not to name the schools, because double-depositing is definitely a rescindable offense.</p>

<p>I certainly think she would be better off at the reach school even exclusive of finances. She would be around people who aren’t so defeatist, she would have a chance to grow, etc. See if you can make her proud to be the first in her school and excited, rather than scared. </p>

<p>On the financial front… now that I see the revised numbers, it doesn’t really look like an unsolvable problem. But still, if you really sit down with the financial calculators, comparing the totals, you could show her that she’s looking of hundreds of dollars every month for years in payments. Show her this post: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-michigan-ann-arbor/923134-i-need-some-serious-help-asap.html#post1064803394[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-michigan-ann-arbor/923134-i-need-some-serious-help-asap.html#post1064803394&lt;/a&gt; Although more extreme than her situation, you can still read the young man’s sadness and fear.</p>

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<p>We went through something very similar with my S recently. It was down between 2 schools. The first was offering full tuition, the second offered what would have ultimately put him $70,000 in debt. I made him a side by side chart of the offers and showed him that his monthly loan payment would be about $850 as compared to close to $0 at the other school. Even though he was favoring the high price tag school, he just could not deny how crazy it would have been to go into debt like that. Especially since he may be going to grad school. </p>

<p>As his parents, we told him we just could not allow him to do it. We expected a fight but he accepted it and now seems happy with the decision. Also tell your D that Honors programs do not always mean more work. At S new school it just means grouping them together for indepth discussions, seminars and activities.</p>

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<p>I am completely confused about the amount of debt she needs to take on. Still, I would sit her down and explain that this is not “play” money, and that she would be 100% responsible for her loans. Show her what she could reasonably expect to earn coming out of school and also show her the bills she will need to take on if she decides to move out on her own (even sharing an apartment with a friend). </p>

<p>If you know in your heart of hearts that she is very likely to succeed at the higher tier school, then push a bit. I would still let her decide if you can swing the costs because if anything goes wrong, she will always blame you for “making her attend school xyz”. If her SAT/ACT scores reflect that she is toward the bottom of the pool of students attending, no I would not influence her decision one iota!!</p>