<p>I am applying to Oxford for physiological sciences(basically human biology) and I need help with my personal statement which is kind of like an essay but I am supposed to talk about my passion for the subject(physiology) and why I want to study it.</p>
<p>Can anyone look at this for me please? You don't need to be familiar with UK personal statements at all.. or even be familiar with UK admissions.. Just someone who has decent english skills and can also give me opinions and help me out.</p>
<p>I have already asked someone in a UK forum to edit mine, and she edited it pretty well but said it was very bad and said that I was focusing too much on my vegetarianism(I was trying to related my vegetarianism and my passion for biology) and said that it looked like a tirade against the meat eaters..(which was pretty ridiculous to me as I did not mean to attack anyone when I'm simply telling my reasons of me being a vegetarian) So I was wondering what you guys thought.. I just need more opinions. I still have a lot to fix and it's really not great so I really need help. if you guys can look at it it would help greatly!</p>
<p>Also I wrote about making a decision to dissect(hard decision cuz of my morals etc) and the editor girl wanted me to either get rid of the whole thing or make it two sentences.. I thought it was unique and it really showed my struggles(?) but i guess not? I need your opinion on this also. Keep it or take it out?</p>
<p>The international deadline is in like a day so I need help fast :( I will pm you, just post please! :D thanks sooo much</p>
<p>The way people write the "personal statement" section in the UK is very very far removed from they way American application essays are written. Obviously I haven't seen yours, but the reasoning about wanting to study Biology because you don't eat meat will just not wash. Nor will not eating meat demonstrate enthusiams for your subject (does driving a car demonstrate a passion for Engineering? No, because lots of people who drive and not Engineers).</p>
<p>You have to show what an intellectual you are. It needs to be something along the lines of you have a passion for Biology because you've done X extra reading, visited Y museums, done Z work experience and obtained high grades. Anything outside education is superfluous. DO NOT write anything about your personal life, struggles, values, outside school or anything like that. No-one else will, and you'll appear crazy. They couldn;t care less about your personal struggles. All they want to know is that you're a driven and focussed student.</p>
<p>Basically American over enthusiasm is usually taken as either aggression or insanity in the UK. </p>
<p>It sounds like you've already been to the student room. There are sample personal statements on there or linked on there. Base your statement on this style.</p>
<p>I've re-read my post above and I didn't mean for it to sound negative.</p>
<p>I mean you are applying to a college in a different country with a different culture. You can't change it, so you have to go with it.</p>
<p>You need to write the statement in a factual and humble style. Resist the temptation to write anything about your personal life that is not to do with academics.</p>
<p>cupcake:
I think I related them both pretty well and edited out most of the stuff on it.. so it's not really about that anymore.. I would take it out but I think it's too late for me as I'm mailing today.. Do you care to read it and give me some opinions?</p>
<p>If you like, but I am a graduate student and last filled in a personal statement 7 years ago. I think you will get better advice from people who are applying right now. People who are applying from UK schools get help from their teachers, who know what they are doing.</p>