Need help on UC Application essay

Applying to College
1

<p>I'm applying for Fall 2012, and I'm getting an early start on writing my personal statements. I believe there are two topics for the UC Application. I have multiple topics I can write on, but I have a general idea of which one I want to write about.</p>

<p>The first topic: "Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."</p>

<p>Possible Topics:
- My mother being deaf. I want to elaborate on how I've had to deal & how most people take hearing for granted, and also the fact that my mother is unemployed because of her disability
- My family situation period. I live with my grandparents, my great aunt, and my mother. I am expected to take care of my great aunt while balancing extracurriculars & grades. My grandparents are my substitute for not having a father in my life. And the same details about my mom as above.
- My third idea takes in the first two potential topics I've written about above, & adding in the element of my suburban community. What I want to emphasize is that I live a totally different lifestyle from the other kids in my school. While the other kids in my school get mostly anything they want & don't have as many things to worry about, I have lots of responsibilities.</p>

<p>The second topic: "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
* There are MANY, MANY things I can write about to answer this prompt. I'll list topics I could write about off the top of my head...</p>

<ul>
<li>Polynesian Dancer/Teacher for 7 years. Dancing is my passion.</li>
<li>BHSI Intern @ UCSF. This is a summer internship for low income/minority students to promote interest in the Health Science field.</li>
<li>Officer for Interact Club. However, this topic is a common one to write about. I want to stand out more.</li>
<li>Founder of HOSA Club at the school/Kaiser Permanente Volunteer. These things are kind of related, but I haven't been successful in getting a lot of members into the new club.</li>
<li>For qualities, I could emphasize on the level of maturity & responsibility I've had to take at a young age, but I feel that it would be repetitive of the first prompt.</li>
<li>For experience, I could write about my experiences volunteering with the deaf community. However, I am FOR SURE going to write about my deaf mother in the first topic, so once again, It's repetitive...</li>
</ul>

<p>I have a general idea of what I want to write about for all the topics I've listed, I just have to pick which one I want to write about & then put pencil to paper...</p>

<p>Sorry if It's confusing to follow, it's 11PM & I'm tired as hell</p>

2

<p>My concerns with the first prompt and my third idea is that it’s too much to fit in for 500 words, and it would be hard to follow.</p>

<p>For anyone that doesn’t know, the UC Essays can be answered with a total of 1000 words for BOTH prompts, not EACH prompt.</p>

<ul>
<li>another thing I forgot to mention, nobody in my household has finished college. IDK the status of my dad’s level of education.</li>
</ul>

3

<p>Just glancing over your post, you should really emphasize the fact that no one in your household has finished college. If you have really good grades/ test scores, colleges will really look favorably on that because it shows that you have a lot of dedication to education.</p>

4

<p>For the first prompt: I would use #1 and #2. Avoid #3. It’s hard to pull off an essay that portrays others less than favorably. For the second prompt, any of them is fine. I would think about what you would say for each one about why you are proud of doing it and how it describes you as a person. Then pick the one that sounds most like you. It’s not the activity they care about. It’s what you say about the activity.</p>

5

<p>for first one, use #2. if you are asian, dont give any hints that you are asian.</p>

6

<p>I actually feel your third idea (family situation + mother being deaf) could be an excellent essay for the first prompt, but since you have very little room, you’re going to have to keep it short and sweet.</p>

<p>Focus on your mother, because I think that’s what you can write about most powerfully and compellingly—and in short essays it’s easiest to have a distinct focus. Mention your family situation as background information—you can do this beautifully if you treat the essay as a kind of vignette about coming home and taking care of your family, and reflecting on how your mother’s deafness has affected your perceptions of the world and your experiences. Don’t just write about your mother, but how her being deaf has affected you.</p>

<p>(N.B. My advice here is sort of coloured by my own experiences—I applied fall 2011 and for the first prompt I focused on my father and the work ethic he’s held himself to, and how that affected me. I ended up not doing a topic with more scope because it was easy to write honestly and powerfully about the influence my dad had on me. If there’s a topic that you’re really emotionally attached to, you might get the strongest essay out of it.)</p>

<p>For the second prompt, I feel the Polynesian dancing stands out the most and would be the most immediately interesting. But here, again, I think it’s worth briefly mentioning the responsibilities you’ve shouldered from a young age if, say, that has affected how serious you are about dance or how seriously you take the commitment to excelling in dance.</p>

<p>Just suggestions.</p>