<p>If I were in your situation I would be very sad too. I am not trying to criticize but I just wonder if you were aware of his academic progress in the first one or two trimesters, especially when he has ADHD.</p>
<p>This will be considered a total shot in the dark but your sure he is not doing drugs or marijuana ? Many of our friends jumped through hoops for their kids to stay in college only to discover the real problem was drug abuse . You have ruled out drugs ?</p>
<p>It sounds like a mismatch for your son and the department he was in. Please remember that “we” is not the way things are done at the adult, college level. You can advise your son but HE has to do the official requesting et al (you can present options to him and do as much behind the scenes work as you wish, but this isn’t HS where parents get their say). Paradigm shift for all parents- your son needs to be able to function as an independent adult.</p>
<p>Hindsight is always 20:20. Don’t punish yourself or him for past mistakes. Help him work with his available options and move forward. None of us can change how this college operates, whether or not we think it is being totally fair. A hard lesson learned, but not the end of the world (see the poster who did fine 30 years later), nor the one you or he wanted. Perhaps both you and he learned more about his limitations and can now work on improving needed skills and career choices. </p>
<p>This is not the end of the world, college or the possiblity of being successful. It is a wakeup call to change how he proceeds in his life. Not all people can do all things. It is a combination of aptitudes, skills et al. Two out of 3, 3 out of 4 or any number of traits may not be sufficient if some, possibly intangible factor gets in the way. Best wishes.</p>
<p>PS- better to find this out after one year of college instead of finding out he is in his 4th year without any progress in a major.</p>
<p>I am a college professor, and I have a son with ADD. I think the ADD impacts the executive function that makes good decisions. My son got himself into hot water with his GPA even though he was getting very good grades in some courses, he pursued courses where he did not succeed as well. He was also in a very competitive school, and although he had a brilliant frosh year, he did get four grades that impacted his overall GPA, although not enough to go on academic probation.</p>
<p>I would definitely mention the ADD. It does impact on their ability to function every day. We did not go the disabilities route either, but that doesn’t mean the disorder wasn’t well documented.</p>
<p>However, I would not blame the program he was in if his worst grade was in English.</p>
<p>If this were my son I would negotiate a leave of absence and have him take some CC courses in the interim or non-matriculated courses at another, less demanding college, if you have one near by. He can restore his confidence and discover what he really wants to study. If the grades are good you have some evidence of academic ability that might come in useful if he chooses to transfer.</p>
<p>I have seen many failures turned into successes when kids slow down and regroup. All is not lost, nor does success depend on a degree from any particular college.</p>
<p>Give him a chance to explore without the pressure, and then with your help he can decide if he wants to return.</p>
<p>My son turned his less than glowing GPA into acceptance into a very demanding grad program with a few post-bacc courses demonstrating that lower grades were the result of poor judgment and not lack of academic ability. He just put himself in the wrong program. And it did take him all four years to learn to manage his ADD. He has aced every course since and found a the perfect field for him, one he hadn’t considered in college.</p>
<p>Easy does it. This isn’t the end of your son’s dreams or a comment on his potential.</p>
<p>Great insight Mythmom! Although perhaps not relevant here, another point I’d like to make is that parents with students who suffer from ADD (or ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, etc.,) must understand that accommodations are only for those that need them to function academically at a level of a “typical” student. The law was never intended for the “B” student to make him an “A” student. They were intended to make the “F” student a “C” student. As you can imagine, in many cases with parents wanting every advantage for their child, they pressure the school to give accommodations to these already fairly high achieving students. However what few understand is that “more isn’t always better”. The two dangers that I’ve seen with this are: 1) The student doesn’t develop the independence needed for success in college, where they are going to have to seek out accommodations for them selves. 2) Their grades and test scores are inflated and thus they are admitted to a college that is too demanding for them to succeed at without the “hand holding” they received in high school.</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone has asked this, so . . . Is a dismissal permanent? At the LAC my d attends, any student can come back after X number of semesters out.</p>
<p>Voice from the “tough love covenant” here - and as a proud parent of 2 boys who graduated from trade school; your son is what? 19 years old? all this doting can’t be doing him any good. He’s a man. Actions (or in-actions) have consequences. He knew (or should have known) where he was in each class. Time to go to plan “B” - he needs to modify his actions to achieve his (NOT YOUR) desired result. He has to do this on his own.</p>
<p>All my sibs are engineers…I used to roll my eyeballs when they would say (and still say to this day)…engineering is so haaaard. Sorry, college is hard. It should be. Each year of education is more difficult. Each year builds on the previous year. Changing majors might help because theoretically kids do better in a major they “like.” But, there is still work. There is still studying. There are still tests, papers, exams…no matter the major. If the OPs son can comprehend what the problem really is and has the wherewithal to change to accommodate the change in major then there is the possibility of success. Appeals committees hear this all the time. I imagine they are fairly used to parsing what the student is saying. I also know that some kids drop their ADHD etc. meds the minute they are away from the parents because they don’t like the way it makes them feel. I saw this with a few of my oldest two sons friends who “did” high school on meds. They were A high school students and C college students and not at a highly competitive school. It can be done. If the OPs son is going to attempt this again without meds then he’ll need a different set of coping skills and this might not be the college to experiment at. So there needs to be a frank discussion about the medication use.</p>
<p>Thanks again for all your valuable responses.</p>
<p>Coolweather Yes, we knew he was on probation and he did bring his grades up from a 1.5 to a 1.91. We were hoping he would do enough to get the GPA to a 2.0.
Songman Drugs are definitely not a problem.<br>
Wis75 You make some valid points. I have noted that HE needs to do this. It is a tough paradigm shift. Especially with his ADHD. We will take this as a learning lesson. I know its not the end of the world. Hes a great kid and will be successful eventually. And, yes, it would be worse to be I his 4th year and not be progressing towards graduation!
Mythmom - Thank you. I also do think the ADD affects his executive functioning! Thats the biggest problem with him even with medication. I also think it would benefit him to slow down and take some different classes in a local college. He does need to find out what he wants to do. I have no problem with that but just hate him having this dismissal on his record.
CSDad I agree. Wish I knew then what I know now!
Ordinarylives- I do think it is permanent unless he gets reinstated.<br>
Giterdon- I suppose youre right but this person has always needed extra guidance due to his ADHD. I am taking heed to the advice here to get him to take control of the situation. I have a 2nd ADD son that may end up in trade school ( which would be just fine) but this son is a college kind of guy who needs to mature some.
Momofthree I do think college is hard but even harder if youre not cut out for the major youre in. He was better about taking his meds 3rd trimester . I dont think we have an issue with that any longer.
He submitted his appeal today and did mention his ADD and the medication at one point but talked more about time management, keeping track of where he is, wrong major etc etc. We shoud hear back by Tues or Weds.
Thanks Again</p>
<p>Best of luck to you guys!</p>
<p>I think this situation might help others understand that it is good to register with the disabilities office before a crisis.</p>
<p>Reasonable accommodations include a reduced course load, single room, extra time on tests or assignments, no early morning classes etc. The college often can also offer time management help and tutoring.</p>
<p>Colleges don’t really allow accommodations that exceed a level playing field. They don’t change their standards or curriculum. But if a kid with ADHD is only able to do his or her best work when taking 3 classes instead of 4, or with an occasional extra day or two for a paper, then, according to college officials we have talked to, that is not only fair but actually restores fairness for that child.</p>
<p>If properly informed, many schools will really help a kid thrive, despite ADHD, and if a family shows that new strategies have been suggested and the kid is committed, often some leeway will be given in a situation like this.</p>
<p>However, it is way way better to get things set up before a crisis, and chasing after the fact is really difficult.</p>
<p>Editing to add that aside from a rare contact by parents, the school communicates with the student. The disabilities office gives the student letters with a list of accommodations, for each class, and it is up to the student to speak with each professor and work things out. So nothing is handed to anyone on a platter.</p>
<p>I was thinking about this today, and realized that the whole “executive functioning” thing is common to MANY college students, including many who do not suffer from ADD or ADHD. Enormous numbers of freshmen/sophomores get in over their heads, do not take advantage of office hours or writing labs, take an unrealistic courseload, fail to fully appreciate the differences between HS courses and college courses in structure and content (even when the HS courseload was heavy with SPs and the like) and so forth. It may be even more common amongst gifted kids who never had to really stretch to do well enough in HS. (In fact, not being challenged sufficiently to develop adequate study habits is the bane of gifted kids…)</p>
<p>Medications such as methylphenidate (Ritalin) and Adderall are usually very effective in treating the symptoms of ADHD and a student with the aptitude required for Engineering will rarely have any problems with the material in even the most difficult courses if they are on an adequate medication dose and are compliant with their medication. The problem is that many children and young adults are not compliant with the medication and either skip doses or stop taking it altogether.</p>
<p>Early in drug therapy the student often suffers from significant anorexia and insomnia which eventually resolves but people that age find not having any appetite and not being able to sleep intolerable for even a breif period of time, even if the drug does improve their cognitive functioning. When my two sons were in elementary school they would always seem to find some way of convincing me that had taken their Ritalin but my wife and I were constantly finding pills hidden all over the house. When they became teenagers I decided they were old enough to make their own decisions about medications and their high school grades were not particularly good. </p>
<p>Fortunately, their SAT scores were very high and they were accepted at the same college. Now that they have become a little more mature and are able to recognize that it is sometimes unavaoidable to accept some short term unpleasantness to achieve an important long term goal.</p>
<p>Momof 2ADHDboys, it is possible that the shock of being dismissed from college could be what it takes to convince your son that even though he does not like the way he feels when he takes his medication, academic failure makes him feel much worse, and he will be more compliant with his medication in the future.</p>
<p>Yes I get that a lot with high school students. They start missing assignments, taking zeros & failing. When asked why they aren’t taking their medication, they answer “I don’t like the way it makes me feel”, or my favorite “my friends say I’m not as funny (IE impulsive) when I take it”.</p>
<p>I have read through this thread. I agree so much, as hard as it is to hear, with giterdone. How would he feel about having strong parental support in not returning to the school where he has not been successful and finding a school where he has a better chance of being successful?</p>
<p>I think that your son’s happiness and feeling confident and successful and proud of his achievements is most important. I assume that he does not feel happy, successful, confident or good about himself.</p>
<p>I would consider thinking about a school where there are programs that he would enjoy, NO TAs, small classes, and where your son’s hs school stats fall within at least the top 25% for admission. I would not push these schools down his throat, but I would spend time to visit several of these campuses now and I would turn it into a FUN experience, and keep it light (no pressure to pick that school immediately).</p>
<p>Perhaps he could just take a summer class at the local cc to pull up his GPA (perhaps a summer 2 session).</p>
<p>^FWIW, sorry about all of the typos above, but my computer crashed before I could edit my post.</p>
<p>Similar situation here. S was diagnosed end of his sr year (2011) HS with EFD. He was tested and found to have a very high IQ, always took most rigorous courseload in HS and was a pretty solid B student. The diagnosis was an afirmation that he wasn’t “necessarily” lazy or unmotivated. We never felt he performed to his potential, even with the heavy courseload. Saw a therapist throughout the summer but really did not have an opportunity to practice techniques he was being taught to overcome the EFD in an academic situation. He won several merit scholarships at his university, enough to almost cover tuition. One was a scholarship competition against over 400 other kids in which he came in first. Before college started we sent information to the univeristy asking for an appt to regularly see a therapist there. Got an appt which was cancelled a week later when the therapist sent an email confused about why such a smart kid needed therapy. I had to have S’s current therapist call her and convince her to reschedule. Talking to S I think the first appt was a general get to know you type of thing. Second went something like this according to S, " how are you doing?" “I am doing fine” " OK, come back and see me if you need my help." arrgghhh. Of course, he thinks he is doing fine. </p>
<p>Lousy grades in a couple of classes fall semester. S was put on academic probation winter break. He promised to do better, get help etc. After midterms second semester and we saw no improvement we flew him home for the day to see his therapist. Therapist decided that it was time to try meds. Unfortunately, now there were only a few weeks left in the semester to pull up some disastorous grades. Grades did come up in most courses, but not enough. He was dismissed from his college in the university. He applied to another school in the univeristy, but to be honest I see no reason why they would want him either. We have suggested a year off, but S is adament he wants to return. Oh, he lost all his scholarship money. …sigh. We can afford to be full pay if we have to, but see no reason to send him back (if they take him back) if he can’t perform, regardless of the reason. So he is taking some classes this summer at the local state U, seeng his therapist on a regular basis and we will revaluate at end of summer. </p>
<p>The whole situation is very frustrating. I feel bad for S and I am hoping the courses this summer prove he can do the work. He has enough AP credit that even if he takes the fall semester off he could still graduate with his classmates. We have encouraged him to take a year off and do something he always wanted but didn’t fit in with the usual 4 years of college right after HS routine. Work on a presidential campaign, do some volunteer work. travel, etc. No interest in doing anything out of the normal. He has a good job working FT right now but that ends in Sept. </p>
<p>there are many paths to get to where our kids need to go. It is not the end of the world. Although my S only wants to follow one path, he may have no choice but to take another route. No idea where S will be in 6 months, but I am hoping we can get the academic situation straightened out with the classes over the summer and therapy. I have no advice, but many kids drop out, get kicked out, fail and return and become successful. Good luck with your S.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Somehow I cannot believe that it is “right” to force kids to take medication for the simple fact that they can “get better grades” or for their own good. It’s a piece of the puzzle but perhaps it’s better to help kids find a place or a major or a path that meets their abilities (if they don’t want to medicate) rather than their presumed capabilities. There’s a whole life after high school and college. I really hope for the OP that this a choice of major issue and not a medicated vs. unmedicated success issue at this particular uni/college. Regardless it will be a stressful couple days no doubt and I wish the best for this family and student.</p>
<p>The days of thinking you can take a couple of summer classes at the local community college are over, at least in California. Many CCs have cancelled summer school, and the ones that still offer summer classes are bursting at the seams. Unless you are very lucky, you will need priority registration to get a class (by being a continuing student). That will probably not be a viable option for this young man, unless he wants to try to go to one in the fall (he would need to register NOW).</p>
<p>Post #33: S has not found those medications to be as helpful as you indicate. They do aid concentration, which makes it much easier to study for an exam, for example, but they don’t treat the executive function glitches at all. At they alter personality and often have a boomerang effect when coming off.</p>
<p>Yes, they help. And yes, the are best we have right now, but I won’t the paint the picture you did. ADD continues to be problem even with the medications.</p>
<p>OTOH he did ace Art History courses which were all very detailed memorization, so we’re grateful.</p>
<p>The medications make him withdrawn. He does not have the H component and is delightful but shy when unmedicated. He is very remote when medicated, and it does affect his social life, sad to say.</p>