NEED roommate advice! ASAP!

<p>Okay so, I met my roommate at orienatation and we actually went to a party together while we were there, we got along really well and I thought she was pretty funny and she seemed normal, so we decide to request each other as roommates. Before we came to school, we went out to dinner together and she agreed with everything that I said about rooming together, which made me really excited.</p>

<p>When we first got to school, she was clean and kind and respectful of my things and we became best friends. But as time went on, she became very clingy and demanding and messy. For instance, I was extremely homesick at first and having issues with figuring out if I should go out or not because of my boyfriend back home, but that's a completely different topic. So, I first became concerned with my roommate when she told me that she would be "really mad at me" if I went home too much and that she didn't want my boyfriend here every weekend, which is understandable, but I don't think she should guilt me for wanting to go home. It should be my decision. She then went on to say that she wanted to have weekend where neither of us went home and nobody visited, and I agreed so we did that for one weekend. As time went on, she still would nag me and get angry when I went home and she began to get jealous when I didn't want to do absolutely everything with her. If I want to do a separate workout at the gym, or have lunch with somebody else, or even shower at a different time than her, I would be subject to dirty looks and her ignoring me. And, she gets really angry with me over really absurd things. Last week, she got really really angry with me because she was planning out her future wedding in her mind (she doesn't have a boyfriend at the moment) and I said that it was funny/weird jokingly. She went on to tell me that I couldn't be one of her bridesmaids and ignored me. Also, her birthday (which is about 6 months away) is the same day as mine and my boyfriend's anniversary and she is already telling me that I have to stay at college that weekend and that I can't go home to be with him. When I told her we would talk about it later, she got and mad and told me she just wanted me to say that I would stay and she wouldn't be mad. On top of all this, when other people are around she is very rude and puts me down, but then is clingy? </p>

<p>Here is the story that pushed me to ask for advice, it was kind of the last straw. So, this past weekend a friend of mine from home, let's call him Steve, was visiting. Steve knows me and my friend Brian who go to my school, I'm a girl and so Steve was staying in Brian's dorm. On friday night, my roommate and I go to Bob's dorm to meet up with Steve (one of my best friends from high school) and so I'm really really excited to see him and when we get to Bob's dorm I just talk to Steve non-stop. My roommate (who has another friend with us) gets really really mad at me and starts making rude comments like we aren't friends anymore. It was really awkward, and I wasn't trying to ignore her, I was just excited. So we all go out and my roommate forgets that she was mad. At the end of the night, Steve and Bob weren't really okay to walk home so we walked them home. We left their dorm around 2:30am and start walking back to our dorm. My roommate starts to talk about why she was mad at me earlier and gets mad at me again, for absolutely no reason. She then starts walking way slower than me purposefully and I even say out loud, "You can walk slow if you want, but it's dark and we should walk together." She continues to walk slow, so we both end up walking home alone. All along I am texting my boyfriend talking about how she's being crazy, among other things. So, I get home about 5 minutes before my roommate and when she comes in she begins slamming things around and being loud. I ignore it and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I come back, the light is off so I get into bed and try to go to sleep. My roommate then turns on the light and turns her music all the way up, still I ignore her and try to go to sleep. It makes her angry that I'm still able to fall asleep so she nudges me and asks me why I haven't tried to console her and why I feel the need to talk bad about her to other people. Turns out, while I was brushing my teeth she went through my text messages and saw what I had written to my boyfriend. Furthermore, she tried to get on my laptop and when I confronted her about it, she slammed it shut. So I apologized for talking about her behind her back, even though it was my phone, and tried to talk to her. She told me to never talk to her again. Then, I tried to go to bed again. She turned off the lights and got into bed and started sobbing obnoxiously loud and I began to fall asleep anyway, I thought she might just fall asleep and feel better in the morning. But no, she got up and turned the light back on and yelled at me again for not talking to her. She continued doing this until 5am. I ended up telling her it was fine just so I could go to sleep.</p>

<p>Now, I don't know what to do. I don't really want to be her roommate and she thinks that I am her best friend in the whole world. I don't want to be mean to her, but she thinks what she did the other night is a joke and laughs about it all the time. What do I do?</p>

<p>Request a room change. I know it’s hard, you don’t want to make her feel bad, but… can you imagine living with this for the REST of the YEAR? It’s only been less than two months and already you’re tormented over it. College is amazing, don’t let anything make it any less amazing than it should be. You have every right to leave her… she is, in a word, crazy. Also, terrifying.</p>

<p>Yeah, she’s crazy. Get the hell out. I highly doubt this problem will fix itself or even be solved by talking about it, or talking to an RA. Just get out of there.</p>

<p>Get out.</p>

<p>I can see, theoretically, where she is coming from in certain situations. If I had become close to my roommate, it might be frustrating if she was going home often. But then it seems like she takes it to an insane level - telling you that you can’t hang out with your bf on your birthday, or getting mad when you don’t shower with her (***?).</p>

<p>Also I think its understandable to be a tad upset if you really did ignore her, even if you were excited to see Steve. It can be frustrating if friends hyper focus on one person in social settings. But then again she takes it to an insane level - sobbing uncontrollably at 5am for instance. Was she drunk? </p>

<p>Then of course, going through your phone and laptop is totally inexcusable. I would never be able to leave my phone or laptop with her again.</p>

<p>Request a room change. Say she seems mentally unstable (mad when you do not shower together, mad when you go home, flashing lights and sobbing and yelling at 3am because you ‘ignored her’). And that she is invading your privacy by going through your phone and computer. I can’t see how this change would be denied.</p>

<p>GET OUT OF THERE. This sounds like the beginning to a horror movie where the obsessed girl kills her friend she’s obsessing on because the friend doesn’t like her in the same way. </p>

<p>She’s checking through your stuff, sobbing at 5AM, she’s obviously insane to the freakin’ membrane, and she’s obsessive. Request a new roommate before we see the ending to this story on the Monday Night News or CNN.</p>

<p>I dunno if I would run away from this without trying to fix it. Might set her off and make her do something crazy- she still might not leave you alone. I understand a little about this, I’ve had friends who wanted me to stay put even when I was going through really tough times.</p>

<p>Do what you need to do. Maybe offer to let her come home with you on a weekend, or go out of town to get away from campus for awhile. </p>

<p>If it keeps getting worse, then maybe try to get out.</p>

<p>Sounds like a narcissistic personality disorder.</p>

<p>Have you talked to your RA yet?</p>

<p>It sounds like this roommate you have really needs some mental help. For both of you, it’s probably your first times being away from home for extended periods of times. This may be a very unsettling experience to some people. As a result, it appears that she’s gotten mentally unstable and taken it all out on you.</p>

<p>You better get her some help as well as get yourself out of the situation before you go down too!</p>

<p>REQUEST A ROOM CHANGE ASAP. This girl is psycho, she should not be obsessive over you. You are your own person, you are allowed to do what you want.</p>

<p>She’s going through your personal posessions, acting insane, being downright immature and childish and then thinks its funny to get a reaction out of you. This isn’t about being nice anymore, it’s about salvaging your peace of mind and not having a horrible roommate to ruin your college experience. My friend had a similar problem and she was equally as nice. The law straw occurred when her roommate went through her stuff, used her razor (ew!) and left the room trashed because she was ****ed my friend stayed at another friend’s dorm over the weekend. She tried to stick it out but quickly requested a room change for spring once that happened. There’s no reason for you to torture yourself. Get out as soon as you can.</p>

<p>Sounds like an excellent beginning to an interesting horror flick… I would stay there, and continue to nurture this scintillating plot.</p>

<p>OHOHO… what you have is somewhat of a special situation there… :ridicule:

Nope, and everyone else is wrong. Her roommate isn’t crazy.
…</p>

<p>Her roommate simply has a crush on her.</p>

<p>^That’s what I thought at first. But it actually just sounds like she has co-dependency issues. I had a friend like that. I cut her off, and she went all psycho-stalker on me for a little less than two weeks before moving on to a new victim.</p>

<p>find her a boyfriend pass on the torch</p>