Need some feedback on my academic disqualification appeal

<p>I just got academically disqualified from my university for the second time. I'm trying to appeal my dismissal. I'd appreciate some feedback on my appeal.</p>

<p>I realize that my academic performance continues to flounder in spite of stockpiling warnings and probations. My academic career thus far has been characterized by class withdrawals, failing grades, and broken promises. Between managing a mental illness, a physical illness, and financial responsibilities, devoting my full attention to my coursework has been an insurmountable challenge. Clearly, I have been ill-equipped to navigate the rigors of higher education. I concur that a leave of absence from the university to address these concerns will be beneficial for me, and hence, I propose to take the winter quarter off and resume my studies during the spring quarter. During my ten-week recess from the university, I will spend six weeks in the Intensive Treatment Unit of the Aurora Behavioral Health Facility, where my reactions to anti-psychotic medications will be monitored. A comfortable time frame will be allotted for me to adjust to my medications and recover from my somatic illness. Dismissing me from the university for an entire year is excessive and unnecessary. It will disqualify me from receiving financial aid upon readmission, which will steer my educational aspirations downhill. I rest assured that a short leave of absence from the university, anti-psychotic medications, and inpatient care will empower me to return to good academic standing.
Admittedly, over the past two years, I have devalued the promises I make toward the university, and they should rightfully be confronted with skepticism. My scholastic record, distinguished by reoccurring failures, communicates academic disregard and unreliability. Worser still is the fact that this is not my first, but second time being academically disqualified from the university. Even with earnest effort, pursuing a higher education while suffering from type II diabetes, schizophrenia and non-alcoholic fatty liver disease is a tremendous struggle. Throughout the fall quarter, I frequently sought assistance from the Office for Students with Disabilities, Student Health Services, and XXXX Advising - but I still wasn't able to pass my courses. Evidently, more extreme measures must be implemented for me to recover academically. Admitting myself into a psychiatric ward for six weeks is the most extreme measure I can possibly take to rehabilitate myself. And while it may seem drastic, my medical clinicians insist that introduction to anti-psychotic agents within a psychiatric facility will yield a favorable prognosis.
Throughout the past two years, I have been overwhelmed by health concerns. On August 13, 2011, after undergoing a fasting plasma glucose test, I was diagnosed with type II diabetes. Then, on July 22, 2013, after undergoing a complete blood count test and a liver ultrasound, I was diagnosed with non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Additionally, on two separate occasions within the past 10 months, I have been rushed to the emergency room for psychiatric reasons. In response, Student Health Services has prescribed me a myriad of psychiatric medications - some of which have triggered delusions and hallucinations. Psychiatric affliction has, by and large, been a lifelong ordeal for me. Unfortunately, I carry a deep-rooted family history of mental illness. My biological father, who also suffers from schizophrenia, was ultimately convicted of domestic abuse in 1997.
And so, I have finally come to realize that I require psychiatric attention beyond what the university provides. And hence, on January 13, 2014, I will enter the Aurora Behavioral Health Facility's Intensive Treatment Unit. Their elaborate team of mental health professionals will monitor my reactions to anti-psychotic medications and provide me with psychosocial treatment. I am confident that a psychiatric intervention of this magnitude will restore my occupational functioning.
I understand that academic disqualification is not rendered as a punishment. I do not doubt that the XXXXX Administration has my best interest at heart. And while I'm sure than an academic disqualification is a blessing in disguise for many struggling students, for me, that cannot be the case. If I fail to complete 36 units by the end of this year, I will not meet FAFSA's benchmark for Satisfactory Academic Progress. And if I do not comply with FAFSA's provisions, I cannot be considered for financial aid here at XXX. For me, higher education is out of the question without financial assistance. An annual income of $18,000 for a family of three makes it a struggle to survive, let alone finance an education. If my academic disqualification is upheld, I will not be able to afford my tuition upon readmission – and therefore, I will not be able to complete my degree. But if I only take one quarter off as opposed to an entire year, I can meet the standards for Satisfactory Academic Progress by enrolling in summer session courses. And I will thus be able to retain my financial aid and finish my BA. Preserving my financial aid is also of vital concern for me because I allocate a significant portion of my financial aid disbursements to assist my mother with household expenses.
As unimaginable as it seems now, I was once an outstanding student here at XXXXX. My freshman year, I earned only A's and B's, making Provost Honors twice. The pinnacle of my tenure here at XXXX was my induction into the Eta Kappa Nu Electrical & Computer Engineering Honor Society.
Chemical engineering is one of the most difficult majors on campus. It demands an immense study effort and time commitment, and I simply haven't been putting in what is required of me. My failing grades are exclusively in chemical engineering courses. And my persistent attempts at retaking these courses continue to generate disappointing results. To circumvent academic probation in the future, I will refrain from enrolling in chemical engineering courses – even to retake them for a grade replacement. I plan to move forward with my new major, political science, which I should be able to complete by 2015. I envision an academic recovery as a political science major because I have never earned a grade lower than a “B” in a social science course. I also have additional political science coursework to transfer over. I earned a 5 on the AP US Government exam and I took POLI 13 (POSC 150) at XXXX College. XXXXX, a professor within the Department of History, can comment favorably on my academic performance within the social sciences. I welcome you to contact her at XXXXX.
Please understand that I am doing everything in my power to rehabilitate myself. My reprehensible performance is not a consequence of academic disinterest. In fact, I relish the intellectually stimulating environment here at XXXX. And while my academic record may not arouse much confidence, I am intent on doing whatever it takes to be first person in my family not only to complete a high school education, but a college degree. Coming from a dwelling on the outskirts of the Mexican border that is notorious for drug trafficking and blood stains on the sidewalk, embarking upon a top-notch education here alongside brilliant minds has been surreal for me. And it would be the greatest disappointment of my life to leave without a degree.
I am prepared to provide further documentation to substantiate these declarations. Please do not hesitate to contact the Aurora Behavioral Health Facility at XXXXXXXX or my primary care clinician, XXXXXXX, at XXXXXXX. I welcome you to consult with academic counselor XXXXX, whom I have been working closely with. I am more than willing to meet with the Dean of Academic Advising to negotiate the terms and conditions for my reinstatement. You can rest assured – there is nothing I wouldn't do to stay. It will be my pleasure to return to XXXXX in the Spring. Thank you for your consideration.</p>

<p>The name of your uni and college is in there…</p>

<p>Wayyy too long-winded. Whoever reads that is going to be soo ****ed off they won’t do anything to help you.</p>

<p>shorten it down to a paragraph or two. Tell them your bad grades are in chemical engineering and you are switching out of engineering.</p>

<p>On a side-note saying stuff like “My reprehensible performance is not a consequence of academic disinterest” just further reinforces that this is your own fault and thus the school shouldn’t help you out. Similarly “to negotiate the terms and conditions for my reinstatement. You can rest assured – there is nothing I wouldn’t do to stay” you just make it seem like you are grasping at straws; no one cares about your AP scores at this point.</p>

<p>tl;dr</p>

<p>This must be pared down to essentials. It should fit on one page if possible., maybe a page and half. So you will need to cut at least one third.</p>

<p>State your proposal upfront. Then say why this will work.</p>

<p>When I skimmed it, I saw that you mention allocating your financial aid to your mother. This is not allowed, maybe illegal and disqualify you from aid. Your aid is to be used for tuition and related expenses and room and board. You can pay your parent rent if you live there. But you may not ‘allocate’ portions of aid to parents. What is more, that has nothing to do with your appeal–your mother’s household operations are not relevant.</p>