<p>Well...in this household, we are requiring the college students to take the Stafford loans (about $17,000 total for four years), and work in the summers ($2500 or more per summer). They also work about 10 hours a week each for spending money. If the kids get scholarships, that contribution comes off of OUR contribution to their schooling, and since WE are paying a huge chunk of change for each of them (we are paying well in excess of $25,000 each for them per year), our kids are more than willing to pursue scholarships. They are grateful for the amount we have committed to paying for them, and willingly want to reduce that amount if they can.</p>
<p>I need to copy this thread to my D.
I was thinking about how to start this conversation with my daughter.
I had no idea about the reasonable amount that a kid can earn during the school year.
Great post!!</p>
<p>Well, with me and my parents, we've never talked about the "who to pay what" question. This is probably partially due to the fact that my financial aid package I got from my dream school is really generous, and a not-so-rich family like us can afford it pretty easily. But still my mom has never said anything like "you will be respobsible for $XXX yourself." In fact, I think my mom is even going to pay the student's contribution part for me.</p>
<p>Well, my point here is not how generous my mom is or anything like that. It's just, it's weird for me to see student and parents fighting over how much and which part to pay. I've always think of it as a family thing, just like I will be paying for MY daughter someday. Of course I am going to get a job during summer and/or on campus to help paying it as much as I can, but it is because I want to reduce my parents' burden, not because my parents force me to.</p>
<p>That sounds very healthy to me Vanita.</p>
<p>Vanita wrote: "Of course I am going to get a job during summer and/or on campus to help paying it as much as I can, but it is because I want to reduce my parents' burden, not because my parents force me to."</p>
<p>I think one of the things that has been discussed here often is that many parents don't view college as THEIR burden, they view it as YOUR burden, which they are helping you with. </p>
<p>Families have very different dynamics and very different attitudes about money and very different financial circumstances. Lots of parents here DO feel that it is their responsibility to put their kids through school, but lots of parents don't. I would suggest for all of the high school students reading this, that you be really clear about how your parents feel about finances before you start applying to colleges.</p>
<p>For my family, I've always known that if I was starving, I could go to my parents for help, and they'd help if they could, but I would have to be that desperate before I'd ask. They didn't really help with college, except some spending money (I mean like $25.00 now and then, not an allowance), and once I was done with school I was done. My sister-in-law has already talked about helping her kids with a down payment on a house. I have NO INTENTION of doing that for my kids, because I don't have that kind of money. Neither one is 'bad', they are just different attitudes and circumstances. </p>
<p>I'm getting off the topic here, but OP, it sounds like you're well on your way to working things out with your family. Communication and compromise is the key.</p>
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I think one of the things that has been discussed here often is that many parents don't view college as THEIR burden, they view it as YOUR burden, which they are helping you with.
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<p>I really think YOUR and THEIR needs to come out of the equation and be replaced by OUR. </p>
<p>Parents who naively believe $80k for State U plus living expense is solely their kid's burden are the same parents who end up on Dr Phil complaining that their 28 year old college dropout is living in their basement unwilling to get a job.</p>
<p>MattsMomFL: Yup. In our family, it's definitely an Our thing.</p>
<p>Most schools already mandate students contribue 2000 dollars in Federal Work; is your mom suggesting a 4000 dollars on top of that? cuz 6000 dollars a year is pretty tough on a full-time student.</p>
<p>I personally agree with you; you should look up ways to argue/debate/compromise.</p>