Jealousy comes in many forms. . . This mom is clearly stunted in adolescence!
I have now reached the point where I don’t bring it up with anybody. Even when somebody asks, they immediately jump to some negative follow-up. God forbid I offer to give them more info or share the brochures I’ve collected. Weird. No worries. I’m happy with our choice.
It’s also funny how I’ve been written off by a few parents on the lax team. DS won’t be here to play next year, so it’s like we’re dead…
@ProudLoomisDad My kid’s baseball coach pulled us aside this weekend to make sure that the school he is going to offers baseball and that he will be able to play…because he has “real talent.” We kindly explained that yes, he will be playing baseball, along with basketball and football, because, that’s how these schools work. I was kind of nice that someone seemed genuinely concerned for once, and didn’t just write him off because he’s going away to school.
We should seriously consider regional in person support groups!
Yes–regional chapters of “Parents Whose Kids Abandoned Them Early.”
Topics such as: “Why they really wanted out” “So much room, so little laundry” and, or course “drying your tears through alcohol.”
I’ve been snubbed. I’ve been left out. I’ve been told (by one of my “closest” friends) “it’s good you sent your kid away because he “needed” it and I wish Parent X would send their child away too because he doesn’t fit in here.” After awhile, you just realize it’s their issue and their hangup. I’m cool with my choice for my kid AND I’m cool with their choice for their kid.
@PSM2013 --that is really awful. We are feeling the chill over here, too–even with our younger one, who is a year behind. The typical question is, “You’re not sending her away, too ARE you?” You are right: it’s their issue. I just hope there’s enough kids around here going to his school for him to hang our with over the breaks, as it appears there may not be many who are interested in continuing their friendship.
I’m an "outsider’ ha ha and checked out this thread out of curiousity. While BS was not a good fit for our family, I completely understand that it is a perfectly valid and right choice for others. I’m shocked in reading these last few pages that other parents feel they have the right to judge your decisions. We all make choices for our families that may seem odd to others but which are the right thing for us. We come from an area where very few kids go to boarding school- I only know of one who was attending on the opposite coast- so it is a little bit of a foreign concept. However, I can’t imagine making any kind of judgement on any one who chose to do so. If I asked questions it would be out of curiousity, not judgement, and I certainly wouldn’t ask any personal questions (finances, grades, etc). I should probably be more shocked at your story mexusa, than I am (but I am still pretty shocked). I have seen that sort of thing with regards to sports before (but probably not this extreme). It is amazing that some parents are so centered on their kids that they are willing to tear down others. All you can do is ignore the negative people and try not to let them spoil the good feeling you get from knowing you have made a good choice for your family.
@takeitallin Thanks for your kind words. It would be great if all parents respected the decisions of other parents like you do. I have three kids and have carved three different paths for them to follow, each catered to their abilities and interests. Parents who think one path fits all may be doing a disservice to their children.
Yesterday, my kid was volunteering at a churches summer lunch program, when a lady (who he claims not to know) started talking to him…what grade are you in, where are you going to high school, that type of thing. (We have a public high school and a private Catholic school as local options.) When he told her he was going away to school, of course she asked why. His response was “well, I’ll have more opportunities for cultural, athletic and academic ventures there, and I’ll get an overall better education.” Judging by her response, she must’ve have been the high school principal or superintendent. >:)
@mexusa Wow that’s a level of resentment and jealousy that is astounding. As others have already suggested, my suspicion is that the school saw that the parent would be a nightmare. So perhaps they admitted the child but gave no FA knowing that would make attendance impossible. Sort of a passive-aggressive approach that I bet was not accidental.
Hopefully your interactions with this parent will be very limited going forward. But if they aren’t and they continue with these kind of attacks confront them and stand your ground. Attacking your child like that is completely out of line.
What so many of the parents we are describing don’t seem to get is that most of us aren’t judging THEIR decisions. Our LPS is very good. My oldest child went there, was very happy, and went to a very prestigious university. So I don’t think anyone is doing their child a disservice by having them go to the LPS in my town.
However, for our next child BS was the right option for lots of reasons. Not because I look down on the parents whose kids go to our LPS as somehow deficient.
Bottom line - you can’t fix crazy.
Am I a bad parent for recognizing that my son will grow more and have a better life by spending some time away from home? I think that a bad parent is someone who ignores these opportunities and goes with status quo to offer a mediocre education for a gifted student.
My son will be better off with the experience of boarding school - I don’t judge parents who ignore the possibility that their child would be better off. But when it is turned around on you (“How can you send them away”), it is a little annoying and judgmental on their part.
Just wanted to thank you all again for your support after the graduation scene of 'that lady."
Have to say I am very proud and thrilled for my DD and the opportunities she is experiencing. Got a text today that she just finished the required reading book for BS while sitting in a park along a European river. She also figured out a budget for her evening meals for the week. But boy, the house is quiet! Happy she will be attending as a Day Student in the Fall.
This thread is fabulous on many levels. Everyone who chooses private school (day or boarding) has different reasons. Some may be elitist. We know people who would never dream of sending their kids to public school. They live In a different world. Super wealth and so forth. Others don’t care for the nonsense of many public schools or/and their public options are either insufficient or simply inferior to their expectations. We have had such hostility from our school that it is astonishing. Other parents too. It is helpful to read this and other threads. I don’t think BS or private school is necessarily always better than public. In fact most aren’t. But there are some very nuanced reasons for choosing this path that are not necessarily purely educational.
Reading these responses, I see a lot of similarities between boarding school and homeschooling. Naturally, none of my homeschooling friends judged me or showed a slightest hint of negativity against our transitioning to boarding school. Well, except for a few who thought that a boarding school would be too easy and boring for D. 
I have had to “Let Go” of one friend. . . I was later told she was taking steroids which could have led toward her aggressive/overtly hostile line of questioning surrounding my son’s first term at BS. STILL. . . No excuse for bad behavior. This from a woman who in her younger years was a nanny to three boys who went to Andover.
Jealousy? Check.
Sometimes people can really surprise you… Two (former) close friends of mine, while not saying anything directly about it, began to act very differently toward us when they heard DD was headed to BS… We got a bit of a cold shoulder. The kicker is that I never expected a negative reaction from those two people-- they are both faculty members at one of the tippy-top small LACs. It’s not like prep school is a foreign concept to them ( but their kids are in public school). So, who knows that that’s about… We miss them, but we’ve moved on.
@Cameo43–we used to live in a college town (Claremont Colleges) and had the same reaction from some of our friends in academia there as well.
This thread has been very informative. It has been surprising to me as well that colleagues at work and also some close friends have shared their negative reactions and judgments with me (without prompting I might add ;-)). We are considering a school in California for our DS and live in the East (also considering a MA and CT school). Many people have said things like “why would you do that? There is no way a 14 year old can deal with being that far away from home? You are going to miss so much of his life, I would NEVER want that. Or how will you see his sports games?. I don’t believe in outsourcing parent, it’s too important for parents to be involved. BS are filled with drugs, alcohol and rampant sex!” I certainly respect parents’ choices as to what is best for their kid and their families, and whatever limitations those parents choose to place on their child (for example, only consider BS within driving distance, within state, etc.). I guess it is too much to expect people to allow me the freedom to make the same choices for my DS. BS is not for everyone and every kid. Totally agree with that. We happen to have a kid that wants it and that we think it will be allow him to grow in ways he would not if he stayed in our local area. Not sure why OUR decision causes so many others to feel as though they need to throw “shade” – as the kids say on what we are choosing to do. It’s been a bit of an eye opener. I did not expect the hostility we have experienced…very interesting…