Regarding the advice that is is important to spend time on the safety schools, it is important that the parents also feel comfortable with the possibility that their child may choose to attend a school that the parent viewed only as a safety.
Invirgina- great point
Someone here had suggested even using another word instead of 'safety' (can't remember what it was, unfortunately, maybe someone else can help me out here) but it was less pejorative so you wouldn't continually view the school as less desirable. A better mind-set.
I think the suggested replacement term for “safety,” and it may have come from the keyboard of TheDad or of Carolyn, was “sure-bet.” The important point to emphasize is that a school isn’t “safe” unless there is essentially NIL chance that it will reject the applicant in question. (I frequently see high school kids referring to reach-matches as their “safety” schools, for example by wondering if they should apply to their safety school EA or ED, which shows a really poor understanding of the process.) Since there is much discussion of safety schools here, I’ll pasted in my handy-dandy definition of a safety school, from a post in 2004:
I noted that in our particular case, the state flagship university of our state meets those characteristics for our first son. That still appears to be the case, although our oldest son is developing some new academic interests, because those interests also fit well with State U. Our second son and our younger children may have different study plans, and may have to look out of state for a “safety” school.
Andi, what you are getting at is important - I think the problem is that any term for “a school I’m sure to get into” vs. “a school where I have to be one of the top students in the country AND be lucky” will no doubt acquire a pejorative aspect sooner or later. It’s human nature to assign a higher value to that which is difficult to attain.
It’s tough to fight that, just like it’s tough to convince some people that there are more than a couple of dozen schools in the country that can provide a great education.
My daughter was lucky - she loved her safety, did rolling admission and was accepted long before she completed her other apps. That took a lot of pressure out of her whole college process, even though ultimately she ended up attending one of her “reach” schools.
Maybe the best approach is no labeling at all. As soon as one starts categorizing, ranking, etc. it seems like one automatically gets into thinking “better” and “worse”, which is neither fair nor accurate.
Yeah, I know, you’re right about that. But WE as parents can play a part in our kid’s attitude by pointing out the good qualities of the ‘sure-bet’ school as well as the tougher ones.
Agreed, and we can help set the tone by treating the college search as a process of identifying a <em>number</em> of colleges in a <em>range</em> of selectivity from the very beginning, as opposed to identifying and glomming onto a Dream School, followed by the reluctant addition of a safety net.
Serendipitously, we visited S’ super-safety school first (it happend that way geographically). He really liked it. Admittedly, it dropped in his rankings as we visited more schools. But I think visiting the safety school with an open mind, early in the process, enables the kid to visualize himself there and see the good qualities more readily.
Another thought on “labeling” - our hs labels the “match” schools as “50/50” schools. I like this label as it brings home the message that this category is not automatic acceptance either. I think that most of our cc kids have better than 50/50 success with their match schools - because they select carefully and craft applications carefully. But there is that occasional shocked family where the kid doesn’t get into the matches s/he took for granted (as though match = safety.
Amazing, I cannot fathom working that hard for four years in high school, then being turned down at all schools I applied to.
I have posted this before, but one of the most rewarding moments in the college application/search process with my son was when he came up with U of Georgia totally on his own. He already had Indiana as a safety (and, a lesser safety in our own state u (Texas)), but when he said he had applied (did it before he even told me) to Georgia, I was shocked. After I researched the school, I got really excited about it and decided it would be an awesome college experience. He had a good shot at the honors college and at some nice merit money. The sports would be good and the college town is one of the best. It was a neat feeling to know he had Indiana and Georgia in his pocket even if absolutely nothing else worked out. I was actually quite sorry to say goodbye to those schools! I think that is the definition of really having a good safety- when you are kind of sorry to not go there.
According to Springer and Franck in Admission Matters, a safety (for anyone) is defined as a school where the acceptance rate is over 50% AND the GPA is at the high end of the previous freshman year class/ the student significantly exceeds the 25-75% range for the SAT/ACT as compared to last year’s incoming freshman class.
They go on to say " the higher the acceptance rate, the lower your SAT or GPA can be relative to the midrange of freshman for the college to be considered a good bet for you."
I was almost in a similar (perhaps worse) situation this year.
I chose my list carefully. I was told by everyone from parents and teachers to guidance counselors and employers to elite school recruiters and interviewers that I not only had the stats, but the special something that gave a paper applicant life. None of that mattered; the admissions process was a crapshoot and I knew it. I figured that if I applied to all the top schools, there was a moderately decent chance one would take a chance on me. Even if that didn’t happen, I applied to a very wide range of schools (academically, regionally, in terms of size, etc) beneath my top choices just in case. I figured that by casting such a large net I was sure to get lucky at least once. (Everyone laughed when I told them 13, and when they heard the caliber of the schools, at least if they didn’t know me and what I was capable of, they laughed more, so eventually I stopped talking about the admissions process altogether, even to my parents, who were extremely biased and couldn’t conceive of me getting rejected anywhere.) I started with a list of 13, and of those:
Rejected by my top 7 schools. Waitlisted by the remaining 6. (I have recently been accepted off the waitlist at one of those schools, but I have no intention of attending anymore. So far I’ve also gotten back one WL rejection, and I’m expecting many more.)
My self esteem went straight down the toilet. Emotionally, mentally, even physically, I have never been more depressed. It was just rejection, after rejection, and the wait lists were even worse. I just wanted to be accepted at ONE school, and to be soooo close at SIX, but not close enough just made it so much worse. I would’ve preferred 13 rejections.
Fortunately, after completing my initial 13 applications, I decided I was underrepresenting both public schools and southern schools, so I went ahead and applied to two guarantee safeties (one school was obligated to admit me by state law according to my class rank and the other I was a double legacy and it also offered me a free three-page application without an essay, among other ways of heavily recruiting me to apply) as well as UNC-CH (OOS.)
I was accepted at my two safeties, but honestly they were the two last places I’ve wanted to attend since I was in elementary school. Had I not applied to UNC, I would have had three decent options (including my wait list acceptance noted above) which is not nearly as unfortunate a situation as your son’s, but still much less than I ever expected, hoped, and dreamed of. For some strange reason, UNC offered me a full merit scholarship, and I was of course ecstatic to accept it. It wasn’t just that they gave me a full ride though, it was that they seemed so driven to snag me, as if I was a prize catch. They gave me a likely letter, invited me in their honors program, got me to come out and check out the campus, got admissions officers to speak with me personally, etc. This extra attention seriously was the difference between me killing myself vs grinding it out and continuing to work hard. Why UNC thought I was special enough to warrant such heavy recruitment techniques while every other school glossed right over my application, I’ll never know, but I can say that while six months ago I had not once imagined attending UNC, I am glad that it worked out this way because it appears that I’ve struck gold, oil, and won the lottery all at once. UNC just seems to be the complete academic package and undergraduate experience, and to be able to graduate from college debt-free is something I had never imagined. It was the last school I decided to apply to. I can only shudder at what would have happened had I thought that 15 was a better number than 16. I guess I can blame that on my weird love of math-I’ll always take a square over a multiple of 5.
Your son’s story was a very good read, and it’s inspiring. Because of this college process, I have decided that I’m going to work my butt off (1000 times more than what others call my current “overachieving”) all throughout college not only to let the elite colleges know that they made a mistake, but to show UNC that they made the right choice. I have become a much humbler, understanding, young man, but I have never been more driven to succeed. I know now more than ever that you can’t plan life, especially in our pyramid society, and I’ve become a doer and not a dreamer, so that I can do everything I can to reach the top. I hope your son has fun at MIT and continues to follow his passion with piano while becoming successful at any other curveballs life will throw at him.
Joeman, thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes I think fate takes a hand – obviously, you are destined to go to UNC-CH – which I think is a fantastic college, even for those paying full cost. (I also think fate had a hand for Andi’s son - who clearly was meant to go to MIT all along but made the mistake of not applying there last year – so of course the good Lord had no choice but to see to it that the young man was rejected from all those other colleges so that he could ultimately be steered toward MIT).
I am very glad that things have has worked out so well for you and that you are going off in the fall to a college that recognizes your true worth.
Joe, UNC is lucky to get you and it’s clear they made the right choice.
I second what Calmom and Blossom wrote above. Good luck Joe…this was meant to be and you have ended up with the jackpot in a round about way and you sound like a fantastic young adult and it seems UNC made the right choice. Thanks for sharing YOUR story!
Thank you for your comments.
Really I owe so much to this site.
When UNC won the NCAA men’s basketball championship two years ago, I rooted for them mostly because they were Duke’s arch rival and I disliked Duke for whatever reason.
It reminds me of those old ESPN commercials that had the theme “If not for sports…” (In one, a couple was shown kissing and then it was discovered that the man was wearing a Michigan sweatshirt while the woman was wearing an Ohio State sweatshirt, to the caption of “If not for sports, this wouldn’t be disgusting.”) If not for sports, I would never have been introduced to UNC.
But it is because of this site that I decided to apply. First, you scared me into applying to a wide range of schools after viewing the lack of positive replies in the “What are my chances?” thread. Then I noticed UNC was listed as a “CC top school” and I decided to read more about it. Once I discovered the resources and opportunities available there, I decided it was exactly what I was looking for.
Thanks for everything CC!
Great story andi.
I’m glad it all worked out for you, Joe.
And that the initial rejections have spurred you further along just projects another exemplary side of you that would-be applicants should emulate.
Joeman:
I think very highly of UNC. I am very glad that things turned out all right for you in the end, and that you will be attending a school which has some really great profs, great programs and top-notch students. And the scholarship is wonderful! I love your story about how math figured into your application decisions!
Congrats and good luck.
joeman THANK YOU sooooooo much for your post!! I can’t tell you how happy I am that you got the acceptance and scholarship to UNC !! I know how you felt when you had all these well-meaning people believing that you would have no problem getting into the schools to which you applied and then the devastation of the rejections and frustration of the wait lists.
UNC is fortunate to get you, not only because you are a very good student but because now, more than ever, you fully appreciate the opportunity to go to a top school.
I’m very very happy for you!! Thanks again for posting, it’s great to have your participation in the thread.
andi
joeman,
“I just wanted to be accepted at ONE school, and to be soooo close at SIX, but not close enough just made it so much worse.”
I too was waitlisted at six schools, and felt exactly the same way. (Luckily, I was accepted at three, but there were a few harrowing days before the acceptances arrived.) And I only applied to the school I ended up enrolling at at the demands of family members, never thinking I would end up going there. I was so depressed and miserable for a couple weeks, and felt like all my hard work in high school was wasted. But then I visited Rice, loved it, and now I hardly care that all those elite LACs didn’t want me.
Conclusion: the whole college application experience can really suck (not nearly as much for me as for andison and others, of course!) if you get caught up in the whole prestige thing–which most of us do, it seems. But you can always make it work out in the end, and it’s one **** of a learning experience. I hope some 2011 applicants are reading this thread…it’s hard to keep perspective when you’re wallowing in self-pity after getting a bunch of rejections/waitlists, as I can say from experience.
Joeman & Gloaming,
Thanks so much for sharing. Having gone through the admissions process with D1 2 yrs ago, I feel your pain. It is what it is…a crapshot. It may be humbling…but, applying to safeties is a must. We will be entering the “game” again with D2 next summer. Best of luck to you both.