No idea how to be around with a group of people

College Life
1

Hi all, I’m currently a Junior Undergraduate student.

I have a few close friends met in College, though I have always wanted to meet new people.

Lately I have joined a leisure club, it’s a place where people just hang out, have fun and stuff.

But it seems that I’m very bad at communicating with people in a group.

I seem to do pretty well when chatting with one single person, but I’m not exactly sure what is the right way to gain acceptance in a group and contribute towards a good conversation in it.

I have tried talking about stuff when everybody else is quiet, but people didn’t seem interested and the topic quickly ran into a dead end.

In some cases, people chat about the most random stuff ever, and I really have no idea how to engage myself in the conversation at all. If I try too hard to blend in, I might sound pretentious. While if I don’t say anything and just laugh along (I chose this option), people seemed to have began to isolate me, not notice me etc. (I’m not an attention seeker, but hey, getting a little bit of attention is cool right?) I basically could only give a response when people talk about stuff that I know about/interested in.

Lastly, I don’t know how to position myself in a group. What role should I be taking? How should I make myself seem interesting? (or am I just thinking too much?)

I would love to hear some practical advice.
Thanks guys.

p.s. It seems to be that meeting people for the sake of meeting people is strange. I believe it should be about showing interest in each others’ lives. But it seems that it doesn’t work like that at all…Oh god I have no clue…

2

You need to remember that each person that you could spend one on one time also has at least once thing in common with you in a group.

Asking and remembering where they are from is something that keeps a conversation going.

Learn something about each person and tie them together in some form. People jump in.

3

My kid learned some social skills by watching YouTube videos (I heard about it after the fact). She Goofled the situations or emotions or whatever, and watched and modeled/mirrored them.

Also… “leisure club” sounds kind of boring… maybe a club with a focused purpose where you all have that interest in common might help make conversation easier.

4

People like to talk about themselves. Asking questions is always good!

'Did anyone watch the Debate last night? Trump was so generic in his answers!"
“What TV shows are people going to watch this year?”

Also I would consider going to your college’s counseling center and asking this. They may have a program or something to help address this. Also look into Extroverts vs. Introverts.

Maybe also observe the group. Try to listen what people talk about. Is it current events? TV shows? Sports? Campus life?

How do they start a topic? When nobody is talking? do they segue from another conversation? Do they ask a question?

5

You’ll get the hang of it. It won’t come so easily especially if you’re challenged with engaging yourself with others.

Here’s a tip, when around other groups of people you’re not familiar with take a deep breath, and try to win over your thoughts because admit it you’re overthinking at times :smiley: try that. I hope it helps.