Still not making any new friends?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I've posted last semester about my depressing social experience and got some good advice. I also tried a social group during that semester and went to see a psychologist about some of my issues. I really thought that this year would be better and my floor would be really sociable (I'm a sophomore and still dorming). </p>

<p>However, I feel like the awkwardness and loneliness is repeating itself. I've tried to be engaging and initiate the conversations but it doesn't feel like it's working. I sense that people don't really want to talk to me and are just looking for an escape route every time. It's gotten to the point where I feel like every time I try it will end in failure. Also, I feel like the people on my floor are not the type of people that I would hang out with. I've talked to them and besides the regular "what's your major? what classes are you taking? where are you from?", it goes nowhere. It doesn't help that my self-esteem is really low and my confidence is non-existent.</p>

<p>I know there are many others with the same situation and I shouldn't be expecting to make life-long friends in the dorms but I'm still worried. I'm going to be trying different clubs this year but I'm so scared that what happened last year will happen again. I'm starting to accept the fact that it's me and not the people around me. I know this post sounds whiny and lame but I need some help from those with similar or better situation than this. What can I do?</p>

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<p>Well i’m not in college yet but seems like you just need to meet others who have similar interests and common ground. The clubs might work out better cause you’ll have something in common and be able to talk about topics beyond those regular questions that go nowhere. It doesn’t necessarily have to be people from your floor, if you share little in common with all of them maybe you can find friends outside the dorm. </p>

<p>I think if you spend time doing things you genuinely enjoy then you’ll probably end up making friend with others doing that same thing. Of course this is all speculation on my part but I hope things get better.</p>

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<p>If it’s not happening, you’ve just got to start making it happen. You need to be more confident and take initiative with things. I know it sounds lame and trust me i’m not the most outgoing person either, but nothing’s going to change if you don’t make a conscious effort to change it.</p>

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<p>yeah i’ve been having the same problems. berk is just too big and impersonal, though i’ve been keeping in contact with some old hs friends…</p>

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<p>Hello aerials, </p>

<p>I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time making friends. If you are still struggling with this issue, I hope my information will be helpful. I go into much more detail about this in my blog, where I boil down the concept of making more friends to as close to science as it gets. </p>

<p>I will answer this question in 2 parts.</p>

<p>PART 1
I hear two problems going on with you. One is internal, and one is external. I think you already know HOW to make new friends, but your low self confidence is probably sabotaging every good opportunity you get. </p>

<p>It would be very difficult for me to give you self confidence in a short forum post. But let me ask you this:</p>

<p>When you say you sense that people don’t want to talk to you, is this fact or opinion? Could it be the case that because you expect a negative response, you put out a vibe that helps fulfill that expectation? What would life be like if you forced yourself to expect that things would go well even if you had no real reason to believe it would? </p>

<p>You need to work on your self esteem here, or anything I tell you is simply going to backfire. Check out “The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem” by Nathaniel Branden, and “Psycho-Cybernetics,” by Maxell Maltz. </p>

<p>PART 2. </p>

<p>In order to make more friends. The most condensed “magic bullet” I can share is this:</p>

<p>People make more friends at the rate and speed that they are introduced to new people. </p>

<p>There are two ways to meet new people.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Introduce yourself to new people
This is what 99% of people tell you to do when you ask them how to make more friends. This works, except that you only have so much time and energy.</p></li>
<li><p>Get introduced to more people by your friends.
This is where the true power of becoming massively popular lies. Of course, this depends on whether you have friends who know a lot of people. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>If you connect with the “right” people can literally land you with like a couple hundred friends over night. I call those people “social connectors”. Social connectors are people who are very well connected with other people. They aren’t typically hard to make friends with - that’s why they have so many friends. Example: If you’re looking to meet more girls, a good social connector to make friends with might be the flamboyant gay guy who’s bbf’s with a million hot girls. If you’re trying to meet more guys, a good social connector might be the sporty former tom boy girl who doesn’t get along with other females, but she has a ton of guy friends. </p>

<p>Making friends with social connectors seems obvious, yet no one does it. Notice how many of your own friends are social connectors… </p>

<p>Once you’ve done this, you will become very well known. If you make friends with 5 ordinary people, you have 5 new friends, and they will introduce you to their 5 friends. That’s 25 people.</p>

<p>If you make friends with 5 social connectors, they will introduce you to their 50 friends. That’s 250 people. Seriously that’s no joke.</p>

<p>Once you’ve done this, you can organize some group activites like some of the other posters suggest. Presto, you have all the friends you can handle.</p>

<p>I go into severe detail on the science behind how to make more friends in college and climb to the top of your social circle on my blog. </p>

<p>Find more info here:
[Make</a> More Friends & Building Your Social Circle Exponentially Faster | TheCollegeCupids.com](<a href=“http://thecollegecupids.com/blog/?p=271]Make”>http://thecollegecupids.com/blog/?p=271)</p>

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<p>Really, you can do everything everyone says and you might find some superficial friends, but real friends just happen. There’s nothing you can do to make it happen faster, and when it does happen, then it’s really easy. It’s like falling in love, I suppose, haha. It will happen, but just make yourself as available to new experiences and things as possible, and you’ll make it.</p>