<p>What do you do when wanting to give your child independence potentially means footing a higher bill for tuition?
We are having a tough time with our oldest's decision to work 15 hours a week as a senior and not go out for wrestling this year as a tradeoff. It's his decision, right. BUT he was named a co-captain of the varsity team, and this is his only claim to "leadership" in school. His h.s. has very ec's --e.g., no student government, few clubs.
As a national merit kid, he may get some aid. Certainly, our family won't qualify for financial aid. That is part of the reason he wants to work. (He is not a URM, either.) His SATs are pretty good: 2130, if schools are counting writing. Anyway, I think that wrestler who can write well or writer who can wrestle is a good hook.
Hoping to get merit aid is not the only reason that we care; the team will miss him, and we have the idea that he will regret it later.
He wants to go out of state, with our blessing. We have agreed pay tuition and he will pay room and board, books, etc. (Hence, again, the need to earn $.) The problem is that we feel that the decision won't affect him directly but that it could be money out of our pockets (with four younger siblings in the wings, so we don't want anyone to get deep into hock.)
Any wisdom, CCers?</p>
<p>Writer who can wrestle well: John Irving!</p>
<p>Sorry, no wisdom here. D opted not to run cross country this year, against our strong urging. She was really good, & the team is breaking all sorts of records this season. She still claims it was the best decision she ever made & is doing a club lacrosse league instead. I do know that colleges love to see kids with part-time jobs. Hope it works out for you.</p>
<p>Wisdom, maybe I don't have any today. But a data point I do have. DS got substantial merit aid ($22K/year from Tulane, $11K/year from another school) with: strong grades, very strong weighted GPA, good recs (excellent I'm told), SAT 710/610 old. EC's showing strong commitment and achievement in his music, but nothing spectacular and no leadership, participation but no leadership in one sport. So it's not all about leadership.</p>
<p>You sometimes it just stops being fun. It happened to me in college and I walkd from a basketball scholarhsip. My son it was soccer. When a sport stops being fun, it just doesn't work anymore. Encourage him to find another sport, for me it was rugby, for my son lacrosse. </p>
<p>Yours sounds like he does well in school, he'll do fine. Sometimes a decision like his takes a lot of maturity to make, not everyone will look down upon it. I can't think of any university that would take money away from him for skipping senior year of wrestling. If there was, would you really want him to go there? As a dad with two NM kids, let me tell you something you've won the tuition lottery at many good quality schools. Check them out, you'll surely find something to fit the bill.</p>
<p>
[quote]
So it's not all about leadership.
[/quote]
And don't you think leadership can be fabricated fairly easily for college aps? Found a club. Organize a food drive. blah blah blah. Some of it doesn't exactly ring true.</p>
<p>jmmom: How can you hold your head up after giving birth to a kid who is not spectacular?</p>
<p>S quit h.s football after 10th grade (had been capt. of jv team) to get a job at local grocery store. Continued the job all through h.s rising from bagger to cashier to customer service desk which invovled managing and supervising front end of the store at night, opening and closing store on weekends.
He was also a good student (old SAT 1400, Commended student, AP scholar w/ distinction, 6 of 450 in class).
but not any outstanding ec's other than work and church activities and NHS. No real leadership stuff.
When he went to interview for his Navy ROTC scholarship, he said the officer that interviewed him was more impressed by his doing the same job for 2 years and taking on all that responsibility while still maintaining good grades than he was with any school activities.<br>
S. got the scholarship and also got 2 merit scholarships from the state u. he is attending. He learned so much from that job about maturity and responsibility. He developed a tremendous work ethic which will probably be with him forever now. He made a lot of money and never regretted his decision. He still works part-time for the same grocery store in his college town. It turned out well for him. Good luck to your S.</p>
<p>it just IRKS me to no end that sports often are ranked higher than other activities...having certain physical attributes does not make a good college candidate...</p>
<p>we often find that sports kids are so into sports that they do little else, counting on being captain (one of 4 or 5) as enough, even though that title is pretty meaningless</p>
<p>go ahead and razz me if you must, but I would rather a kid work, do charity work etc, than rely on sports only</p>
<p>blech</p>
<p>As a wrestler in the past three years, he developed discipline as well as muscle, and the younger kids looked to him for advice on nutrition and advice. No scary eating tactics, just biology that got him interested in sports medicine a few years back. He was a "regular" kid who worked hard to get into shape and stay fit -- the Athenian "Sound mind, sound body."
I appreciate the input, though. It's true that other things can work to build character and, well, leadership. It just seemed like a plum reward.
Son wants to major in philosophy. in the back of our minds that means graduate school, so we are just extra skittish about undergraduate costs.</p>
<p>Citygirlsmom, my kid also did janitorial work for a semester to raise funds for a service group's bus trip to Louisiana to help with housing. C'mon, it's not as stereotypical as you're making it sound with athletes.</p>
<p>MuchAdo, I can't say this from direct knowledge, but there have been other threads/discussions re financing grad school: the common wisdom is that most grad students can self-fund via TA/RA/grant money. I don't mean that you shouldn't still want your son to maximize opportunities for undergrad merit $$; just that the long term concern re cost of post-grad may be less onerous than you currently imagine.</p>
<p>MuchAdo, your son sounds great. Congratulations, and I'm sure he'll do fine.</p>
<p>Thanks, jmmom. It's hard to not to have sticker shock (I love that moniker!) when thinking about college. Not panicking, just a trifle scared, here. I'll have to check out those threads.</p>
<p>Thanks, all, for the advice and virtual hand-holding. You're good folks.</p>
<p>i am jut saying college seems to put alot of emphasis for doing sport for gour years, and sure its tough, but you just show up and train and often once you are in in 9th grade, you are in and its shut out to other kids</p>
<p>my kids go to a jock school, and it makes us crazy, it all revolves around sports and kids who were lucky enough to be physically advanced as athletes as freshman, now as seniors are recruited without any transcripts or scores seen</p>
<p>just one of lifes little jokes</p>
<p>It's not like he is quitting wrestling to play computer games all night so it shouldn't be that big of a problem. If necessary, he can use the comments section to explain how the skills he learned by being on the wrestling team translate into the job he felt it was necessary to get to help with college costs. He can add that he still advises teamates on the proper way to train (this is leadership) and still supports his team by doing ____ but is getting _______ out of working.</p>
<p>My daughter's only official "leadership" position during high school was an officer, and not president, in the Choral club her senior year. She did, however, work parttime as a bagger and then cashier in a grocery store since she was 15, danced for years, was in chorus for 4 years and got some state choral awards for solos/duets, volunteered at the local hospital and Boys and Girls club, was a member of a couple of clubs and had great grades/class rank. She was offered very generous scholarships from 4 of the 5 schools she was accepted at, and ended up where the school scholarship plus state scholarships pays her entire tuition. So we were happy, and so is she!</p>
<p>Beachlife1, that is wonderful for your daughter and you. It sounds as though her high school had many opportunities for ECs. My son's small school has-- well, now that I think about it-- zero clubs. The only extra curriculars offered are sports, String Orchestra, chorus, yearbook, and Lego Robotics. It's a great school academically, and I am glad for his experiences there, but I am just a little nervous about lack of the (nonexistent) club participation and about his throwing away the honor of team captain. He did participate in yearbook freshman year, but wrestling was time-consuming and I guess that the opportunity cost was not being on yearbook. (He doesn't play the violin, sing, or roboticize.)
Keepmesane, your input just may keep me sane. Thanks. I've been keeping a safe distance from his applications, but may heavily urge him to use the comments section to provide relevant explanatory info.</p>
<p>MuchAdo- Being a NM Finalist and good athlete is no big deal, many are, plus have better stats and many quality ECs and still get no money and/or do not get into the college of their choice (there are plenty of parents who can tell you from their own experience). I'm bothered that you state you will not qualify for financial aid yet want your son to come up with at least $8,000 to $9,000 to meet his basic needs at any college. He could do it with a $10/hr, 15hr/wk school year job plus 40hr/wk summer job- if you ignore taxes and work related expenses. </p>
<p>He would be much better off if you figured out how much you can afford per year for his college and told him this amount. There are ways to do this taking into account your other children's future expenses (go through the calculations needed to apply for financial aid); you are either are rich enough to pay it all or you will find you actually do qualify for financial aid at some schools. Let him apply to the schools of his dreams and the instate flagship school and keep his wrestling without needing the job now; he can never go back to senior year but he can find the money later- he may not even be accepted OOS or he may get the money he needs through the school.</p>
<p>He deserves to wrestle, he has done his job as a child by doing so well in school. Please don't spoil his senior year by insisting he needs to come up with so much money so soon. He will be independent in college, he has shown maturity in his wrestling roles; there is no need to shove him out of the nest prematurely. I sound harsh, but I don't want you and your son to have regrets later. You can find the money later but you can't turn back the clock for childhood experiences.</p>
<p>Your kid CAN get a "full ride" (tuition, fees, room, board) or large scholarship at many schools based on NMF status and SAT scores alone. If $$ is an issue, your kid will have no problem getting scholarships--as long as he chooses the "right" school. Leadership is not an issue--my kid, also a NMF with similar test scores, was offered multiple full scholarships. He was a homeschooler with few consistent ECs after moving twice during high school, NO leadership roles at all. Yes, at top schools your kid is no big deal, but if you want $$, there are schools where your kid will get generous offers. You have to decide what you want. Is it big $$ or a prestige school?</p>
<p>"Being a NM Finalist and good athlete is no big deal, many are, plus have better stats and many quality ECs and still get no money and/or do not get into the college of their choice"
I second this comment...our son was a NMF, captain of his varsity team with stellar GPA and SATS. Rejected at his top two schools and no money at his third choice. He did get some scholarships though - but he had to compromise. We also did not qualify for finanical aid but we do not expect our son to pay for anything other than incidentals (this would likely be different if he picked a very pricey school though)<br>
In our experience, the schools that give NMF scholarships are not very good. There may be some jewels out there though..it's worth looking.</p>