<p>It’s hard to be on the outside looking in and yearning to join that crowd. My D found it a relief to get out of the school environment and work. She did some babysitting and mother’s helper work. One little 2 year old even fell in love with her! It’s nice to be loved. She also did pet sitting and took a lifeguarding class at age 15. Four years later she is the senior lifeguard. She has earned her own spending money with these jobs. Sometimes she preferred going off to her jobs rather than socializing or doing extracurricular activities at high school. My other D played an instrument since early childhood and would do orchestras, quartets, camps with her instrument. She also took up baking and cooking, hobbies that always provide a lot of kudos from everyone.</p>
<p>Every high school is different. Which activities are competitive or exclusive varies by school. (The idea that the theater kids are “accepting” for example, is laughably untrue at my offspring’s old high school. )</p>
<p>I agree with the advice that your D try things outside of the high school. But also look objectively at the things she tried at school. Maybe I’m way off base, but are they the things the “cool kids” do? Sometimes, clubs are made up of kids who are friends outside school too and they join the club primarily to socialize with their clique. If that’s the case, It CAN be frustrating to join. (For whatever reason, the yearbook staff at my offspring’s old high school is like that. And, that’s not sour grapes because my offspring had no interest in yearbook.)</p>
<p>So, maybe she should look around and see what the kids who aren’t in the “popular crowd” do. Maybe she should even run the risk of joining a club which has a rep for being filled with geeks or even–gasp- “losers.” It might be mock trial at one school and robotics at another or the school crossing guards for the elementary school at a third.
There’s usually SOME group that’s filled with nice kids who aren’t in the popular crowd. What it is varies. </p>
<p>I don’t know if it’s the case with your D, but sometimes kids who are not really candidates to be in the “in crowd” or “popular group” bang their heads against the wall by joining or trying to join all the clubs or activities which seem to convey status at their schools. Sometimes, they just happen to be genuinely interested in ECs that attract those kids and suffer the same fate of feeling like they are at the margins. </p>
<p>You might want to encourage her to do some solitary things like working on an art portfolio for college or writing and entering contests for it or taking up an interest in photography or…</p>
<p>It’s hard to see your kid hurting. But as others have said, it’s just 2 years. Tell her you’re proud of her for trying.</p>
<p>Don’t know if this has already been said, but couldn’t a school counselor, administrator, or teacher help her gain access to an activity? For example, if a teacher she knows sponsors a club she’s interested in? I’m sure some of the adults at the school would feel for her and try to help.</p>
<p>Activities outside the school, or just completely on her own (if she likes being solitary) might be good.</p>
<p>And as someone above indicated, I think, we ought to appreciate that everyone is unique, and has different courses through life, and all of them are valid.</p>
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<p>Those will also likely get heavily edited.</p>
<p>“She tried to write for the school paper, but her articles were eclipsed by the senior writers who either “rewrote” what she wrote (and she’s a good writer!), or didn’t include her piece. The same thing happened with the yearbook in freshman year. She’d work on a page and the seniors would “fix it”, ignoring hours of work. It didn’t feel inclusive, as most of the activities at our high school don’t.”</p>
<p>Ok, this is shouldn’t be a complaint. This is called paying your dues. I would expect my work to be heavily edited for the first year I worked for the paper. You work your way up and when you are a senior, you get to do the editing. I just don’t see a problem. Likewise, if you are in choir, you spend a couple of years backstage or in the chorus before you get the starring role your senior year IF you are talented and lucky. </p>
<p>I think she needs a little more thick skin. It seems like she is looking for everyone to gush over how wonderful she is. Won’t happen there. She needs to look for her validation from other places. For me, it is if God is pleased with what I am doing. For her it could be that or your approval or her own approval. If she knows that she worked hard on the piece and did her best, then she needs to be happy. And I’m betting that some of the editing was good. Could she find some kernal of truth in what they said??? I’m sure there is something she can improve on… If she says that no one EVER has anything constructive to say and it is always THEIR problem and never hers, then the problem is probably her and not her environment. And she may not be like that. It is hard to tell fromt the post. But I have 1 of my 3 children that is like this. It is always someone else’s fault. Sorry, but no. Many times it is yours, sweet son!!!</p>
<p>^Exactly. Freshman year you are paying your dues, learning to be a better writer, learning the newspaper’s style & article requirements, and so forth.</p>
<p>Also freshman year is a time for trying different things. You find what you really like to do or what you are good at…but not by quitting. If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. And you learn what to concentrate on to your best advantage.</p>
<p>Maybe you LIKE to sing, but your voice isn’t musical theater quality. For example.</p>
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<p>This really resonated with me. My D found that she preferred working part-time to participating in school-organized activities. It gave her a sense of shared purpose; she liked working with adults; and the money gave her a feeling of autonomy. For a kid who doesn’t fit into the typical high school categories (i.e. athlete, theater kid, band/orchestra kid, student government), a job outside can be really confidence-building. I used to be one of those who felt that kids should not work during the school year, but I have changed my mind. I think my D’s job was the best way she could have spent her time. She developed new skills and confidence, and she matured tremendously through her job.</p>