<p>I’ve been doing alumni interviews for my selective LAC for 7 or 8 years, and I would estimate that I get email thank yous from about 80% of those I interview. Since almost all interviews are set up via email, I know they have my email address. I can’t recall ever getting a snail mail thank you and certainly don’t expect one, but I do appreciate the email thank yous and am disappointed that not every one takes the minute it takes to send one.</p>
<p>I can’t comment to Igloos point(post 18) that maybe Igloos kid is the only one not sending a thank you. I don’t know what all kids are doing.</p>
<p>But Igloo has accepted the “everybody else does!” (or “doesn’t”) phrase used by the student, and so, skipped a thank you. In a case like this, my parents usually used the response probably most here have heard- “If everybody else was jumping off…” My parents didn’t believe the right thing to do was determined by what the majority did.</p>
<p>…? If it is cultural, I would go by with what others do. I don’t think a thankyou is more than a mere custom. To do or not to do depends highly on what others do. If you consider an interview is an evaluation, nothing really to thank for. Do you thank your teachers for giving you a test? That would be comic… Mr/Ms Thank you so much for the test? On the other hand you could appreciate alums taking their time to meet with you and learn more about you. Alum interviews have both elements to it.</p>
<p>Mannix- the kid who did not send a thank you for the scholarship is one of those ‘entitled kids’. He was salutorian, was presidnet of the club that sponsored the scholarship, and had the biggest ego I have ever seen on an 18 year old.</p>
<p>It has been my experience that in general kids from private schools send out “thank yous” and kids from public schools do not. I figure the private school kids are just more coached in this whole process so I never hold it against anyone for not sending a note.</p>
<p>My own son did not send out “thank yous” for his interviews. It has been an ongoing battle between us so I just let it go. He claims that he gives his sincere thanks at the interview and by sending out even an email he is just doing what I want him to and therefore it is really meaningless.</p>
<p>He is really a nice kids though…just fiercely independent.</p>
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<p>I don’t happen to agree with this. I think there is as much variation in thank you note writing from public school educated kids as private school ones.</p>
<p>On the first question (about answering emails)-- if the college’s name is NOT in the subject line, I can totally imagine a teen skipping over it. D has two email addresses one “just” for colleges-- but by now they are both cluttered with all kinds of advertising from colleges she’s never even considered, political organizations, etc. And kids don’t use email very often-- D uses facebook messaging for almost all of her communications, personal and professional. I think it’s kind of odd that you’re not supposed to use the school’s name in the subject line. </p>
<p>As for thank you’s-- I think they’re essential . Why not take one last opportunity to make some point about yourself? (“I loved hearing about the depth of your international relations program–I have been been curious about ___ and can’t wait to study it at the college level”) Or whatever. </p>
<p>D sends hers by email and that’s what makes more sense to me, never mind the century, it’s more immediate. I do think our kids live in such a casual time that these things feel obsequious to them. How many of them have ever received a thank you note? But they can extend their circle of friends/colleagues with every one, and make a human connection in the adult world.</p>
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I wonder if this might partly explain why the OP didn’t get notes–perhaps the kids saw these more as a friendly chat with somebody they knew, as opposed to a formal interview that required a thank-you note. Where did these take place? If they were at the school, especially, the kids may have thought they were more like info sessions than interviews.</p>
<p>^I don’t have enough experience to form an opinion about private vs public. My kid happens to go to a private school where none of the kids sent a thankyou. I assure you they were not at all entitled. They highly dislike overdoing anything.</p>
<p>Gwen - Interesting point that a thank you note is another oppotunity to show your interest. In my kid’s circle, it is the formality of it that stops kids. Everyone sends a thankyou after an on-campus interview. After a coffee shop interview, they think a separate thankyou is dressing-up too much.</p>
<p>My DDs go to private school. However, the school does no coaching to encourage them to write thank yous. That coaching comes from me, but really they just expected that they should write a thank you for your time to every interviewer. It was more reminding than coaching on my part. However, they did also write thank yous when they interviewed for private school, so maybe it was having been through the process once already.</p>
<p>Igloo asks me: “Do you thank your teachers for giving you a test?” in post 23. The question demonstrates that my post 22 must not have been clear. I’m sorry I’m not a better writer. I am not saying it is right- or wrong- to send a thank you in this example. I have always thought writing thank yous was a drag, personally. But my parents instilled the idea that the act of writing them didn’t benefit me, but someone receiving them might. If nothing else, there’s one person(the recipient) that thinks I was nice and thoughtful. That’s a good thing. I’ve never heard of anyone being insulted by receiving one, but I have to admit I haven’t surveyed all people.</p>
<p>I was trying to explain in my post, 2 things. 1) that for me, if I think a thank you is appropriate(or not) is not determined by how others choose to act.
and 2) Sometimes when a young person uses the “no one else does” or “everybody does” line, I am skeptical of the statement. Have they really surveyed every single person? And even if they have, should that control how I think?</p>
<p>Whether or not a thank you is expected here, is NOT my point. My point is that I don’t base my opinion of what’s right, or best, based on a poll of others.</p>
<p>To me, thanking a person for taking the time out of their schedule to meet with you is just common courtesy. At the risk of sounding like an old fuddy duddy, I would hope that common courtesy is not going out of style.</p>
<p>My kids are private school educated who were “coached” to write thank you letters by their public school educated parents. ;)</p>
<p>My point was that not everything in life has an intrinsic value to guide our course of action. Some are customary. Sometimes, what others do makes a difference. If everyone bows in greeting, it could look offensive if you don’t at least pretend to bend your neck, for example.</p>
<p>I am not a ms manners clearly. But it could go either way. The interviewer could also thank kids for coming out to their chosen location. They dicate the location and time. Unless it’s absolutely impossible for kids to accomodate them, kids comply.</p>
<p>Igloo makes the point that going against the grain of what is customary might be offensive, and gives the one who doesn’t bow as an example.
In keeping with that logic, going against the grain and being the only one that sends a thank you might be offensive. I respectfully disagree. In Igloos example, the one who did less than the courtesy expected might be frowned upon. In the Op’s discussion here, the topic is more akin to doing more courtesy than expected. I certainly can see a thank you might not be helpful in admissions, it might be useless, it might be ignored, but I cannot agree it might be deemed offensive.</p>
<p>But I digress, the Op didn’t ask about bowing, the question was about thank yous.</p>
<p>I am almost afraid to post.</p>
<p>Parents, teach your kids how to write a thank you note, address an envelope, find an address on line, and locate a mailbox.</p>
<p>As to the parent who suggested that kids that send thank yous get jobs, you are on target. As a middle manager I have hired a lot of people through the years, particularly entry level college grads. Sometimes I would interview 5 - 10 candidates at a crack for an open position. Those candidates that shook my hand at the end, looked me in the eye, thanked me verbally, and followed up with an error free thank you note ALWAYS had the upper hand over the other candidates. In my profession, a thank you note is EXPECTED still. In fact, most do an email the same day, follow up with a written within a few days.</p>
<p>My ((high school) son’s boss recently gave him an unexpected present, something that my son would appreciate. My son sent a thank you. And the response back was that he (the boss) knew that my son would write a thank you in appreciation because my son is so well trained. He isn’t perfect, but he knows how to write a thank you.</p>
<p>From my point of view, when I write a recommendation, make a contact phone call, spend hours assisting someone in their career, I clearly remember who shows appreciation and who does not. I am not saying that I wouldn’t help the nonthanker again, but my inclination to drop everything and give up my time is not as strong.</p>
<p>Send thank yous. Ten minutes. That is all it takes. Teach your kid while they are still in your house. How can you go wrong with a thank you?</p>
<p>My son was going to write a thank you email (had it planned in advanced; had the email address) But the interviewer specifically told him they were to have NO contact afte the interview, so he took that as a sign he shouldn’t send it. Older son sent one 3 years ago, however.</p>
<p>@younghoss - That is such a twisted logic. If what others do didn’t matter, why did OP start the thread? OP should have just felt offended for not getting thankyous and condemn kids s/he interviewed for being rude instead of coming here and ask why or what to expect, fielding what “others” do.</p>
<p>SJTH - My kid had an interviewer who said the same thing.</p>
<p>My son sent email thank yous to his 4 interviewers. 2 responded back with a ‘nice meeting you, too & good luck with your application’, which I thought was very nice. 2 did not respond at all. I was kind of surprised at that, but maybe they are very busy? It takes 2 min for each side to be gracious, and maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but it just makes life nicer.</p>
<p>I was very dismayed when I did not receive any thank you at all from the couples at the last two weddings we attended. They were children of friends, and each time we gave very generous gifts. I just don’t understand that.</p>
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<p>I had the same experience with some of my college/alumni interviewers when I was applying to college. I just assumed they were very guarded about their privacy so I gave my heartfelt thanks at the end of the interview. And this was in a time before email became commonplace in the general population. </p>
<p>I was chewed out one time by some older relatives once for typing my thank you letter rather than “personalizing it” by handwriting it…though I did sign it. Was I wrong in being more concerned about the recipient being unable to read my admittedly poor handwriting?</p>
<p>If an interviewer specifically told my child not to contact him or her after the interview, I would recommend that they respect that request. Lacking that, I expect a thank you note to be sent, by mail if possible, by email if that is the only contact information.</p>