<p>Lately I find a lot of my advice sounds like this: "do both" (rather than one path)
especially for complicated problems.</p>
<p>All the above advice has merit, iMHO.</p>
<p>What I might do is this: As sooon as possible, plan and conduct jazzymom's "motivating road trip." There is no learning without motivation, and without some imagie in his mind of himself at ANY school, he can't move forward well.<br>
While you're doing the planning, he must line up a part-time job to begin upon your return.</p>
<p>As soon as you return, he plops into the part-time job, which he will find miserable and not up to his talent and intelligence. Well, duh. It gives him all the negative motivation needed to spend his evenings researching what to do next with his life.
(Sidestory: my cousin dropped out of h.s. and the only thing that finally motivated him to go back and finish with a GED was when she made him work. When he saw what miserable jobs he'd have without education, he returned for GED, then on to college where he is now.) </p>
<p>Try to excise words from you vocab (ok to vent here, but not on phones etc where you can be overheard) like "slacker.." even if it's true. Come up with new language such as: "he's working on finding his path this year." "he's searching" etc. so he can have some self-respect around the house. That also gives you the right to give him a metaphoric kick every now and then, since you'll sound more onside with him. DOn't enable or baby him, but try to find some process words to describe this year. Call it a gap year if you want to, that's neutral at least.</p>
<p>You know, I have seen nothing from the OP to indicate that her S is addicted to gaming. People here like to assume about certain issues. Being a slacker who happens to be a gamer does not an addict make.</p>
<p>Have you thought about a coach - look at the International Coach Federation. Many professional individuals use coaches, but in your son's case he needs someone to help him focus his interests.</p>
<p>There are also career counselors - see the National Career Development Association. Here's information from a career counselor I found in my area:</p>
<p>You are graduating from high school and you are unsure whether to attend college and if so, what to study.
You are graduating from college and you want to maximize your investment.
You know what you want but you don't know how to get it.
You feel stuck in a dead-end industry or job.
You are contemplating a career change.
You are a successful professional who seeks even higher levels of achievement.
You want to be more effective and more strategic in the workplace. </p>
<p>You might want to step back and find a professional who can brainstorm with your son to find out what his interests are. There are also various learning style tests, interest tests, etc. that they may use. You son needs to figure out what he wants to do with his life and he needs someone besides you to help him do so.</p>
<p>Is there someone in technology that your son can job shadow? Although he has not attended college - I assume both you and your husband have - do you know any alumni that are in the technology field you can contact?</p>
<p>He sounds like a very bright individual who needs a focus. If he is at a city college he probably has access to an advisor who can sign him up for some of the standard interest tests and might be able to make a referral to a professional career development counselor. They might also have access to individuals your son could job shadow. Use the resources available to your son at the city college.</p>
<p>There are a lot of bright individuals who are like a sailboat with no one at the helm. They just end up where the wind, sea and sail take them. That is not a bad thing - but you just never know where you are going to end up. It's time for your son to start setting a course.</p>
<p>jessie: I thought so too, at first. But read the OP's second post: he dropped one class and quit a job. "What's he doing today? Gaming. What will he be doing tomorrow? Gaming." Spent a graduation windfall on games. Even the creative stuff he's doing revolves around WOW. </p>
<p>Best case scenario is that he is stuck in a rut, lacks discipline and focus and needs a jumpstart to get on a productive path. But there's a hint there that perhaps a more serious addiction is taking root; it wasn't a wild assumption. Of course, only the OP can know what's really going on.</p>
<p>The smart kids I know who enjoy gaming but aren't addicted to it </p>
<p>1) write their own games, </p>
<p>2) develop art for other people's games, </p>
<p>3) make money in online gaming communities, </p>
<p>or </p>
<p>4) do other things that launch socially significant volunteer work or gainful employment related to games. They don't only play the games. They don't quit their paying jobs or take easy school classes. They don't only spend their money on the games as such, but also on learning computer programming or graphic art or other subjects that can be applied to games and can also be applied in the nongaming real world.</p>
<p>jessie: I openly admitted I "don't know what the role is" of gaming in young peoples' lives so compared it to bingo, poker. Then some more tech savvy posters mentioned career opportunities and training programs in gaming design. Next came a balancing opinion warning that you have to be "up there" pretty high to make a good (not just a "salt mines") career of it. </p>
<p>To be fair, so far 5 different ideas were expressed and explored about gaming, and not just the remote possibility of "addiction." If the word "overdependence" were there instead of addiction, it might sound better, but the impact is the same. Unless the kid is the next Bill Gates, he needs to diversify his day to figure out his life! Doncha think?</p>
<p>tokenadult: I know plenty of smart college-agers who play games and aren't addicted but don't do anything creative with games - playing is just a hobby, albeit an intense one, and they have other jobs, other lives. I also know many gamers who are in the gaming industry or who do their own creative stuff, but saying that you have to do something creative for playing games to be healthy is like saying that being a bookworm is unhealthy and a sign of addiction unless you are also a creative writer.</p>
<p>jazzymom,</p>
<p>
[quote]
jessie: I thought so too, at first. But read the OP's second post: he dropped one class and quit a job. "What's he doing today? Gaming. What will he be doing tomorrow? Gaming." Spent a graduation windfall on games. Even the creative stuff he's doing revolves around WOW.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It's still a stretch to addiction from there. So gaming is a hobby. If he dropped a class and quit a job because he couldn't stand being away from his games so long, maybe he's addicted. If he dropped a class and quit a job because he's lazy or unfocused, and is spending that time on his hobby, then he's not addicted. I think it's a question of motive.</p>
<p>p3t: Yeah, I understand that multiple perspectives were given and not everyone is crying addiction. I was, after all, one of the posters giving suggestions about training programs in the industry. :) This is just one of those issues where I've observed in the past that the Parents' Forum tends to react a certain way - people here tend to be somewhat suspicious of/biased against gaming and gamers (and incidentally, I appreciate your attempt to be neutral toward it). A few people were suggesting addiction, and I hadn't seen anything to really warrant it.</p>
<p>If money is available, I would highly suggest a program like Outward Bound or NOLS. (and some financial aid is available) A longer term program with older people -- not one for younger teens. These programs are generally very challenging, expose people to other places, other people and other ideas. Even kids who don't think they will like it come back with fresh perspective. It would get him out of his current environment, away from the games and give him some time to really think about his life. </p>
<p>It is just a suggestion -- but if he were my son, that is exactly what I would do -- send him on a 2-3 month trip with NOLS or Outward Bound and let him know that when he gets back he either works fulltime, volunteers fulltime or goes to school fulltime (and possibly a combination of those) or he needs to make other living arrangements.</p>
<p>but I heard this author on the radio today and it was really interesting. He was talking about how boys tend to want to "specialize" earlier than girls, and that's part of the reason they tend to do better in life than in school (because K-12 school prepares the generalist, college less so, and real life allows one to specialize the most). Girls tend to be very focused on being generalists, boys much less so. </p>
<p>He had numerous studies supporting this stuff, but he was talking about how boys tend to enjoy doing one thing A LOT (skateboarding for 10 hours straight...) and schools really don't capitalize on that.</p>
<p>First of all, congratulations on his getting the HS diploma. Sounds like he's at a loss for what to do next, partly his age and perhaps partly because he hasn't had to fit into traditional boxes. All the potential in the world will get him nowhere unless he does the work to get somewhere. He may not succeed at some colleges if the general student body is not at his intellectual level- he could fall into old habits and not do what he considers busy work, or be bored. Tough love, no enabling, from you is required. It will be hard, but you have taken the first step by asking for advice. Study the suggestions and try some- he has to overcome his inertia, and needs outside help (parents). You have a lot of parents here who can relate to your situation, even if only some aspects (we only had a bit of "senioritis" gaming with our young-for-grade gifted son, we were lucky enough to get the schools to work, but I can see how it could have been your scenario for us- other parents will relate to various other aspects of your child's life). The best of luck to you.</p>
<p>I was the one who first brought up the subject of gaming addiction, and please let me reiterate that I was NOT, NOT, NOT saying that the OP's child is a gaming addict, as I a) have nowhere near the training needed to make that judgement, b) no one can really diagnose someone over the internet anyway (at least not ethically), and c) I'm not sure how much of theproblem is gaming. I was simply throwing that out as a possibility, one that is becoming more and more recognized among professionals. That's all it was, a possibility, something to look into, food for thought. Also, I'm not a luddite or technophobe; I played video games growing up (lost interest in HS) and enjoyed them, and I know some people who game in a non-addictive fashion. Heck, I'm one of the biggest advocates you'll find for letting children watch TV. All I was saying was that the OP's post indicated that gaming addiction MIGHT be a problem.</p>
<p>I agree with the suggestions that some of sort of career assessment or counseling might be helpful as well.</p>
<p>"he was given a large sum of money for graduation which he spent over the summer on various video game systems! He was enrolled in a second class, and working for three weeks, but he dropped the second class and quit his job."</p>
<p>My dentist was similarly worried about his S. Now this S works full time for a large computer firm, testing their games. In the beginning, he lived at home and attended onsite meetings a few times a month. Now he moved near headquarters. His salary has grown substantially.</p>
<p>Perhaps immersion into the gaming world, with the structure of deadlines & need for reports, would either help focus your S or turn him off. Its a Catch 22 situation.</p>
<p>drive is so much of success! maybe if this kids does start out in college he could start out in a small community college or a trsde school...not every kid is made for college</p>
<p>If this were my son, I would read everything I could from this website, read through the book and consider an appt with this psychologist or one similar: </p>
<p>I have heard of special dorms at Clark University, (a house, Clark isn't large), and a dormitory or a wing of one at Boston University for gamers. Your son may be immature and may find his way. I wouldn't give up on the idea of college for him.</p>
<p>You've answered your own question. You've been weak and if you don't do something radical--you are going to have an underfunctioning manchild living underfoot--for the next few decades. </p>
<p>Constant gaming is a serious form of self-medicating. My general rule is that boys use intense gaming between the ages of 13 to 16 as a form of numbing social difficulties involving sex, drugs and alcohol. Even so, it is damaging for teenage boys to allow their social lives to be dominated by any media form. A little numbing is understandable as long as they have other social outlets.</p>
<p>If money is no object, I'd suggest a Gap year doing three or four projects around the world--where quittingis not an option. There is a bit of gaming going on in hostels around the world but not too much--because girls don't like gaming--and they don't find gamers especially appealing either. Even boys with brains dimmed by gaming understand those playing rules. That's why there is usually a big drop off in gaming during college years.</p>
<p>A Gap Year could jump start his break from gaming--which will be solidified by a residential college experience.</p>
<p>"Best case scenario is that he is stuck in a rut, lacks discipline and focus and needs a jumpstart to get on a productive path."</p>
<p>IMHO it's irrelevant that your S is very smart, unless it's his intelligence that restrains you from doing what needs to be done. (Plenty of good advice on that above.)</p>
<p>
[quote]
There is a bit of gaming going on in hostels around the world but not too much--because girls don't like gaming--and they don't find gamers especially appealing either. Even boys with brains dimmed by gaming understand those playing rules. That's why there is usually a big drop off in gaming during college years.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Well aren't you just full of stereotypes? Gamers game because they're miserable, girls don't like games, girls don't like gamers, games dim your brain...what a bunch of baloney. It's the 21st century and plenty of girls play games now, and there are documented cognitive benefits of gaming.</p>
<p>I understand the concern about teenagers' lives being dominated by media - one can argue that life being dominated by any one thing is unhealthy - but a hobby does not mean that someone is forgoing everything else in life.</p>