Not adjusting to college well

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I started this post, but there was an error, so I couldn't finish it earlier. Here's the completed post. Sorry it's so long.</p>

<p>Hey. I'm a freshman at Rutgers University. So my situation is a little unique.</p>

<p>My parents have been divorced for a while and I lived with my mom in Pennsylvania for the past 18 years. When applying to colleges, I didn't get into my dream school so I went with the most affordable option- Rutgers. I visited and it was nice and all, so I was excited about going.</p>

<p>About a month ago, I moved in with my dad, who lives in New Jersey. Because living in a dorm and having a meal plan is pretty expensive, I decided to commute. In the past, I had only visited my dad on some weekends- and since it was only a couple days at a time, I never met anyone else in the area(neighbors, friends, etc.). So I assumed that I would make friends with people in college.</p>

<p>Well, I've been in school for a month and I kind of hate it. Living with my dad isn't unpleasant, but it is boring. I have all these amenities which weren't available to me at my mom's (I got a flatscreen tv, credit card, macbook pro... hell- I even got a cat!). But they really don't make me that happy. It is so quiet at my dad's house and I spend a lot of the time with my grandma (who doesn't speak english, so we really can't even communicate...). Back at my mom's, there was always something. We would all talk a lot, we would clean the house together, etc. I also have a little brother there who is 7yrs old. I spent nearly every hour with him, playing, talking etc. On top of this, my mom is kind of anal retentive and bipolar, so there was a lot of drama when we weren't happy. Growing up there, I struggled with depression and anxiety in middle school. Here at my dad's, there is no drama. It is quiet, peaceful and boring. I feel like I have nothing to do.</p>

<p>Speaking of nothing to do, I'm not sure if any of you have been to central New Jersey, but there is absolutely nothing to do! I don't know if it's because I'm new and haven't seen much, but it feels like there is nothing. In Pennsylvania I lived near a local creek, a bowling alley, various theaters, a few movie theaters, a go karting place, arcades- stores and shopping centers were everywhere. I was really spoiled in that sense. I feel like Central Jersey is a highway with some buildings in the distance. There are a few stores and stuff, but how often can you look around at Barnes & Noble? The movie theaters here are nice, but I really don't have any friends yet and I don't want to pay 12 bucks each time I want to do something. I know this part really makes me sound pretentious, but it is just how I feel right now... Sorry...</p>

<p>And my no-friends situation is bringing me down the most. Since I am from out of state, I don't know a single person at Rutgers. A lot of people there already know each other from high school, because they're all from Jersey. If they don't know someone, they say, "Oh, where from Jersey are you?" "I'm from Sparta." "Oh, cool! My aunt lives there!" I have NO clue where Sparta (other than the one is Greece) is! I have NO idea of the geography of New Jersey! The worst part is, if someone at Rutgers is from out of state, they obviously live far away, so they have to live in a dorm. Therefore, they meet people. I have my dad here, so I live with him. Yeah, I am being cost-efficient, but I am not meeting anyone.</p>

<p>Lastly, I have the actual adjusting to classes as well. Thank god, I am only taking 4 classes right now, but college is tough. I took AP classes in high school, never 4 in one year! And college classes are much more unforgiving than high school classes. High school was so silly compared to this. Anyways, I'm doing okay in my classes- exams are in a week. We'll see how that goes. </p>

<p>I guess I really don't have anything to complain about. It's my fault that I'm not really being proactive in my friend-making. It's just that I'm pretty antisocial and have terrible people skills. I'm strange, so I find little in common with most people. I like Lady Gaga (not many Little Monsters in the area, from what I see.). I love appreciating and making art. I have a diverse interest in music (Grace Jones, Cher, Lady Gaga, Evanescence, KoRn, System of a Down, The Ting Tings, Beyonc</p>

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<p>From the Discover Jersey Arts website, a link to a long list of options in Central NJ:
[JerseyArts.com</a> Online Guide](<a href=“http://www.jerseyarts.com/OnlineGuide.aspx?searchType=advanced&searchTerm=D%3Ad1%2Cd2%2Cd3%2Cd4%2Cd5%2Cd6%2Cd7%2Cd8%2Cd9%3BR%3Ar2%3BSp%3A0%3BGc%3A0%3BF%3A0]JerseyArts.com”>http://www.jerseyarts.com/OnlineGuide.aspx?searchType=advanced&searchTerm=D%3Ad1%2Cd2%2Cd3%2Cd4%2Cd5%2Cd6%2Cd7%2Cd8%2Cd9%3BR%3Ar2%3BSp%3A0%3BGc%3A0%3BF%3A0)</p>

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<p>Maybe get a job then</p>

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<p>@ Wordworker
Thanks! I’ve never seen this site before.</p>

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<p>And @bl4ke360
I’m actually looking for a job now. Something part time, so I can still handle school. Thanks.</p>

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<p>haha that’s what you get for going to rutgers, but can’t you go to nyc it’s pretty close.</p>

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<p>@summerchica
You’re so right! Rutgers is a downer! And I could go to NYC. That’s what everyone keeps saying. And its not that bad, a 40 min drive. But if I go, then what do I do? Wander around New York by myself? I’m kinda okay with that, but I just really need to go find friends. Then we can go to the city. But thanks though! I could invite someone to hang out and do something in the city, you know?</p>

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<p>I kinda feel super creepy trying to plan ways to make friends on a forum. Real people don’t make friends like this, do they…? :frowning:
haha…</p>

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<p>Hey you sound like a great person and I think my college age kids would like you! Not being in a dorm puts you at a disadvantage for meeting people, that’s for sure.</p>

<p>Have you tried joining any clubs at your school? Clubs are always welcoming and colleges have clubs for all sorts of interests. </p>

<p>I wouldn’t wait to have company to venture into NYC. Go have an adventure or two and then you’d have some great stories to talk about when meeting new people! Maybe invite your dad to come along? </p>

<p>Getting a job would be so helpful, and not just for your wallet if you can get one on campus where you’d be certain to meet lots of students and faculty! </p>

<p>Hang in there and keep an eye out for some other quiet person who needs a friend even more than you do…and keep in touch!</p>

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<p>I used to live half an hour from Rutgers, so your dad’s house could be pretty close to where my family used to live. The place is kind of boring if you don’t have any friends, just like anywhere else. It is actually quite pretty if you are familiar with the place. But the point is you need to make friends on campus. It sounds like you go back to your dad’s place when you are not in class. College is a lot more than just going to classes. You should look into joining some clubs, go to parties, or get a job on campus.</p>

<p>My kid(s) lived on campus. They didn’t make many friends in class. Most of their friends were from their dance clubs, student government, and sorority. They also had a job on campus where they met a lot of people.</p>

<p>NYC is a great place. You could take a train in, go to a museum, go down to Soho to shop (it beats King of Prussia), hang out in the Village, check out Chinatown and Little Italy.</p>

<p>FYI - there are many effective treatments for acne now. Our girls had very acne while in high school (took after their dad), after few visits with a dermatologist their acne cleared up very quickly. Their doctor’s visits and medications were all covered by insurance. I would suggest for you to make an appointment with a good dermatologist as soon as possible.</p>

<p>Side note - Rutgers offers very good education, take advantage of it.</p>

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<p>My son is from out of state and he had a hard time adjusting to New Jersey. His first year dorm experience wasn’t that great- as a result it inspired him to become a Resident Assistant so that he could help make other student’s first year experiences better than what his was. In another words living on campus isn’t everything. Do any of your classes have any of the smaller recitation sections? If so or even if not try asking a few people if anyone is interested in getting together to form a study group or if they want to exchange notes. You might make some friends this way ande it’s always good to have a couple people you can contact in a class if you have to miss it one day. There are alot of clubs on campus, you might even think of joining a sorority in the Spring. My son always is going into New York, bus, train, car, etc. Yes, he has even gone in by himself just to study at the Main Public Library (lots of ambiance)or some of the coffee houses. The Met is only a donation to get in, my son loves High Line Park, or catch a play (half-off tickets).</p>

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<p>I just reread my post and I REALLY love my cat. Don’t want anyone thinking he’s just an accessory. He’s a real pal. Anyways, Thank you EVERYONE for all the helpful replies. I’m looking into the clubs and other opportunities at Rutgers. But also, I just want to clarify one thing. I’m a guy. Realized I didn’t specify in the post, and my enthusiasm and naivet</p>

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<p>You should absolutely positively force yourself to go to at least two events a week on campus that are outside your classes. You mention you like art and music. You should check out all the visual and performing art venues on campus and go to events that have a participatory component. Just for fun and because Im procrastinating, I looked up art events this week at Rutgers. Tomorrow there is a community drawing/ collage making event at a Rutgers affiliated art museum. if this museum is at your campus, go and participate. Be a good sport and take risks. Ask people there if they know of any other art related events coming up. Show up at the next events and seek out the people you recognize. Here’s a link to the event tomorrow at the museum. [Art</a> After Hours | Zimmerli Art Museum](<a href=“http://www.zimmerlimuseum.rutgers.edu/programs-events/art-after-hours#.UGuxNKN5mK0]Art”>http://www.zimmerlimuseum.rutgers.edu/programs-events/art-after-hours#.UGuxNKN5mK0). dont expect to make a best friend the first time out but just see if you like the people and the vibe. Once you start showing up at events over and over you will start to make friends.</p>

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<p>@nottelling
Wow, thanks! I don’t have class tomorrow, so I will definitely check that out. All the New Brunswick campuses are close together, so its not far. I’ll let you know how it goes. And please don’t procrastinate on my account. I tend to do that too, and it really doesn’t help. Haha!</p>