Not Emotionally Ready for College

I’m wrapping up my senior year this year, and I don’t feel emotionally ready for college. I don’t think I’m emotionally ready to uproot my life and move away from everything and everyone I know. It’s only a 50-minute drive, but that’s still quite a bit of distance for an 18-year-old. My parents really babied all my siblings and me, and they still do and I feel completely unprepared for life outside of my house. I feel like a middle school kid going to a summer camp who’s gonna come home after a week and go back to normal, not an adult going to college and starting my own life, completely moved out of my house.
I know it has to happen eventually, but I don’t feel ready for it.
Is this common? Or should I really start to look around for other schools closer to my house to better prepare myself?

This is perfectly normal. Stop worrying about that aspect of it immediately. Not everyone is super excited to leave home, and if you had a good relationship with your family and were happy, why would you be? It’s okay to be apprehensive, and a lot of other kids are, though they wouldn’t admit it. It’s a big step after all to move out, even if the college you’re moving to is only an hour away.

However, you are also an adult now, and the adult decision is that you should choose your college for a range of reasons, but primarily for academic and financial fit. If there are good and affordable options closer to home, why not look at them as a back up? But if proximity is the only thing to recommend them, that is not a good enough reason.

Because, again you are an adult, and you’ve got this. Barring emerging mental health concerns, you ARE able to move out and make it on your own, particularly as you are not striking out into the wilderness but going to college where, presumably, stuff such as housing and food are covered for at least the first year, and lots of supports in place to help all those 18 year olds making the social and academic transition. No matter how babied you feel you have been, you are objectively capable of doing this.

It’s not jail. If it feels absolutely impossible to stay, you can leave again, make different plans, maybe ones involving colleges closer to home. You can research the backups and keep them in mind.

Meanwhile, it might help making another visit, maybe check out the housing and food situation so you know what you can expect. If the college is that close, I am sure other kids you know will be going or are already there. Find out. Make dates for the first week. Maybe you can even find a roommate. How long have you been away from home before - you’ve mentioned week long summer camp? Tell yourself you can stick it out at least that long, then visit home if you want to. Then stick it out another week. Soon you will feel comfortable staying for longer and confident in yourself and your own abilities again.

Your post made me smile. (it was your sincerity and honesty that caused that smile) Yes, the way you feel is normal and yes, you can do it. The good news is you aren’t going far from home so you’re support system is only a drive away. To prepare yourself keep a good attitude, try your best, and know that you are going to grow from this experience and do just fine. No worries - you’ve got this and your apprehension is normal.

50 minutes is really the best of both worlds for your situation. If you give it a shot and hate campus life, 50 minutes is commutable. If you love college and don’t feel the need to come home often, you can happily build a life 50 minutes away. I think your feelings are completely normal, but you have set yourself up for success. Good luck to you!

You’re feelings are SO normal. My D is a freshman this year and was scared to death when she left for school. One of her biggest issues was she thought no one else felt the same way and there was something wrong with how she felt. And the fact she felt that way meant she maybe wasn’t ready. We talked a lot about how the fact she was concerned meant she was being realistic and didn’t have an unreasonably high expectation about how easy the adjustment would be.

My advice: Talk to some people about how you’re feeling. Do you have a friend you can confide in? Or a sibling? Your parents? We talked a lot with my daughter about how we’d handle her homesickness…that we would budget for flights if she needed a trip home or needed us to visit (she’s far away), how we’d be available to talk when she needed it, we’d be there for advice, etc. I wish my daughter had confided to more people about how she felt though. Feeling your not alone helps a lot.

The good news is you’re not going to far from home so if you need your parents to drop in for lunch or a hug that should be doable, right? While I wouldn’t recommend a lot of trips home for the first month or 2 while you settle in, at least it’s an option when you need a break. And remember when you get there that you are surrounded by other people who are also scared and feeling the stress of taking care of themselves. Again, be willing to talk to people about how your feeling. My D did get homesick and assumed no one else felt that way which made it worse. And of course social media made it look like everyone else was super confident and settled in where ever they were. She’s not the type to confide in others she doesn’t know really well but it was super helpful when she started hearing others were missing home too. And that even the upper classmen sometimes just wanted a weekend home.

Finally, as another person said, this is not the end of the line for you. If you go to school and give it the “old college try” and it simply doesn’t work out for you, you can reevaluate. It’s not like once you leave you can never come back.

But don’t feel like there is something wrong with you for how you’re feeling. Moving away from home is an adjustment for everyone. Some people will have an easier go than others, but most struggle at some point, even if they don’t show it.

Appreciate your honesty… But also find it sad. Both my kids went away to summer camps etc in the summers and I think this helped.

So, you need a sit down with your parents. They have to stop the babying. Which means more responsibility for you. Which means you have to follow through.

Then you need to go up to this school and go to lunch. Yes, you heard that correctly. If your able to drive yourself, can you go with a friend, pick a campus hot spot for lunch and go… Like this weekend. Just do it. Walk around campus.

Then every couple of weeks find something like a play, music event etc and go back. Trust me on this. Walk around the campus. Go to the bookstore. Buy a t-shirt. Walk around with coffee /tea /drink if choice.

This will help make you feel more accustomed to the school and after a few drives you will realize how “close” you are to home.

Also get on their Facebook and or social media accounts and meet some peers. Maybe a few new freshman live by you now. Maybe you can meet live.

These types of things should make you feel more comfortable. It’s hard to grow up when your parents won’t let you. Talk with them. If there is something underlying then get help with that.

But… Lots of kids get homesick. Did you know that parents weekend is at the 6 week mark on purpose. Lots of research has gone into this. Pretty much for this reason and other things. You are not alone but try to break this now.

Becoming an adult is a process. You will get there. Going off to college is an intermediate step. You will have a strong safety net below for years, until it’s time for the next step. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel your feelings, and let them pass through. Soon, you will feel comfortable again. Fake it until you make it.

Applying to college is about the first thing one does as an adult. It is a lot of work and it will have an impact on your life.

The second biggest transition to adulthood is moving off to college. It scares just about everyone at some point. My daughter was fine with the concept of going to college and moving into her dorm right up until the night before the move. Then she was a mess. She went thru with it and moved in. She figured out real fast that most of her fellow freshmen had somewhat similar feelings. Once she was in her room and actually met her rommates, she was giving us “the eye” that said enough mom and dad, now leave. She did fine.

Some advice:

  1. Whether you go to college or not, life as you know it now WILL CHANGE. Many of your friends you have now will leave for college. You'll stay in touch with some, others will drift away.
  2. Going home on weekends is counterproductive. Weekends are the time to do things outside the classroom with your new college friends and become closer friends. Take advantage of that and make a break from your parents. Your parents will still be there for you when you want / need them. You will still love them and they you, you just shouldn't need them as much now.
  3. If going away to college is overwhelming, then consider a gap year. BUT, it has to be a productive gap year. Figure out what you would do during that gap year before you commit to one.
  4. Put your phone down frequently and actually spend time talking with people. Face to face contact is, IMHO, the best way not to feel lonely in a wonderfull but new and strange environment that college will be at the start.

You aren’t completely moving away from home. You’re bringing bedding, clothes, towels and maybe a favorite keepsake or two. You will be back home many times in your first year, including long breaks over the holidays and summer. You will be amazed in a short time that this was worrying you.

This is a time to grow up, experience new things and new people, find what interests you, learn a little independence (remember, you won’t have to cook for yourself or earn your own money), while still being less than an hour from home. What were you doing 50 minutes ago? See my point? That’s no time at all, really.

Your feelings are normal and from now until September, there are going to be dozens of posts similar to yours. Your parents wouldn’t let you go if they didn’t think you could handle it. Show them you can. You’ll be fine.