Hi. So, i’m going off to college. I’m about to be 18 (F) And i’ve always been described as fun, outgoing, confident, and ambitious. That all changed whenever I committed to my college. I got scared, which eventually led me to become depressed/anxious with suicidal thoughts (I am seeking help already, I have a wonderful therapist). I am so scared about my future. I don’t think I’ll have one. I have the option to live at home and commute to my local community college. In high school, i moved from a VERY LARGE (2500+) school to a VERY SMALL (20 kids in my grade) private school that was isolated and I was babied. I’m wondering what I should do. My college is 4 hours away, a very good and reputable college, but I am still scared. I am not ready for this life change. What do I do?
Hey! Take a deep breath. You can do it. You’ve already proven you could get into that college. Of course you have a future.
Moving can be scary. I’d advise you to find a new therapist immediately when you move, or keep in touch with your old one.
Attend the orientations, meet new people, connect with them so you’re not totally alone when you get there. Keep in contact with your parents, give them updates daily if you need to. It might make you feel less alone.
Your parents probably know the situation better than we do. Talk to them about it. If they think you’re truly not ready, community college is a great option.
@jmc2001x. Congratulations on recognizing that there is a serious issue. I really don’t think this wonderful board of strangers can help you on this one. This is between you, your parents and your therapist. I would even maybe show your therapist you made this post. It will be helpful to them.
Is there an option of taking a gap year and just work on you? Maybe taking a gap semester to just work on you then start college?
As a parent I think the most important thing at this moment is you. Nothing else. Talk to your parents and therapist and make a plan to go forward.
I hope this makes sense and good luck.
I agree with #knowsstuff, there’s no rush here. Take your time in making your decision and listen to your own heart on this - with the support and advice of family, close friends, and your therapist. Large life changes ARE scary - you’re not alone.
Instead of asking the opinions of strangers, I would ask the question of your therapist. She knows you, she knows your history, she knows what you’ve been through. Our opinions don’t contain any of that-- they’re too generic for a kid who has had as rough a time as you have.
One thing though: there’s no shame in not going straight to college, or in staying home and going even part time to your local community college. You don’t have to take those routes, but they’re both viable options.
Good luck!
If I were in your shoes and I decided to switch to a local school and live at home, it would haunt me for many years.
What I would do is to see when the last time you can withdraw from the 4 year college…Can you go to orientation and check it out before your parents have to pay tuition?
It is okay to say you would prefer to start off at a community college and then transfer when you are ready.
No matter what, get your mental health under control before you go to college.
Depression and anxiety is an illness. It may or may not be related to your decision of going to college. Please seek medical attention for these issues. Also, make sure you will have access to medical resources for your treatment if you do decide to go to college 4 hours away from home. You are bright and smart and made it to college. No matter where you decide to go to college, you will do great.
How will you know if you don’t try?
When I was your age I was sheltered, not prepared for the social aspects of college, and worried I couldn’t handle college work. I remember the summer before I left (3 1/2 hours away) I stated that I should go to the local community college. My parents ignored me. We didn’t even discuss it. I went away. Really homesick first month. Scared of the social scene. Lost a lot of weight because I was too nerved up to eat much. After about a month I started to settle in. I loved my four years! Loved my classes & did well! Ended up playing a sport and being captain my senior year. Made lifelong friends. I cried when the first year was over because I didn’t want to leave. Every summer I couldn’t wait to get back. I cried at graduation rather than being happy. Maybe back in the day they would have said I was having anxiety and needed help but back then we pressed on. For me, it worked. I found some grit which serves me well to this day.
At the end of the day, no matter what happens, it’s one more experience for you to put in the books! I hope it’s a great one! If not, you move on. Oh, and I hated orientation. My son went to his freshman orientation last year and hated it too but had a great year. I don’t think you can judge the year by orientation.
You are anxious about a big huge change in your life, and that is normal. However, if your level of fear and depression are this high, you definitely should talk to a counselor about this decision. Medication may help too, at least temporarily.
It is perfectly fine to stay home and go to community college. Not everyone goes away. In fact, the majority don’t.
But it would be a shame if a clinical problem prevented you from having a wonderful experience. Try to see this as similar to having epilepsy or some other medical problem.
I also think visiting a couple of times over the summer helps.
College will always be there. Please take care of yourself first. Figure out (with your therapist) the reasons for your anxiety…and address those. If you don’t feel ready to take the plunge in the fall…ask if you can defer your admission for a year.
College will always be there. When you are ready…or know how you want to go about going to college.
I had major anxiety off and on my senior year of HS, but I didn’t know what it was and it was never diagnosed. I was accepted to my dream school which was 7 hours away from my tiny sheltered little town and was SO excited…until the day before I left. I couldn’t eat, was scared, panicky, felt like I couldn’t breathe, the worst feeling ever. I remember my mom calming me down and telling me I didn’t have to go, BUT that maybe I should try and give it just one semester. If I wanted to transfer closer to home after that I could. Just knowing that I had an “out” after one semester and she’d support me was so helpful. I decided to try it and once I was all moved into my dorm, the anxiety fell away. It was fun, exciting and I made new friends on my floor pretty fast. In fact, I didn’t call home for the first week (this was before cell phones!) and my mom was so worried.
What you are experiencing is very normal, and it is great that you are seeing a therapist. So many kids feel exactly same way. Graduating high school and going off to college is a huge life change and fear of the unknown can be very powerful. But, you are smart and sound very self-aware. I think you have a bright future ahead, no matter where your path takes you!
All freshman are worried about college because it is a BIG UNKNOWN. New room, new roommate, new food, new campus, new classes, new teachers.
Colleges ease you into with orientation.
However, you have to figure out if you have “normal” college nervousness or more severe social anxiety.
I would suggest talking to a therapist/psychiatrist to see if they can help you figure that out.
Perhaps taking a gap year is in order. Your college may grant you deferred enrollment to the fall of 2020.
I agree, you need to first address your anxiety before going to college. Until then, I think you are best served surrounding yourself with what is most familiar; your family and your home. Get well and start college from a position of strength.
I agree with other posters that getting your mental/emotional health properly treated is the first and most important thing for now. Congratulations on having started that with your therapist. Only you, your therapist and your parents have the combined context to help you figure out what your best next steps are.
As others have suggested, getting a deferral for a year can be a good option.
Going to a CC and/or closer local U is another option.
Yet another option is going off to your U if you and your team (folks, therapist) think you are ready.
As others have said, school isn’t a race. One should enjoy the journey and take the time and path that is appropriate. Good luck!
I agree that maybe deferring for a year is a good idea.
It’s good you’re seeing a therapist. I get the sense that you are doubting yourself and your abilities. You’re fearing the unknown. The “good” news is that so is every other kid who goes off to college.
There no deadline on deciding what your future holds. Let life take its course. Attending CC is fine, and so is going away. I found a path by staying home for college, interspersed with lots of traveling to foreign countries and working. I graduated in six years. My husband left home for a big city, graduated in three years, and never went back home. Our daughter is at college five hours away and had a bad start, but now loves it.
Meantime, your home and family isn’t going anywhere, so whatever you choose, know that going to college is not an end to anything. It’s a beginning. That’s why, when students graduate, it’s called commencement. You’re beginning. Rather than focusing on all the scary things you are worried about, which have no reality to support them, focus on the positive possibilities that are likely: you’re going to meet new friends, learn new things, have new opportunities, learn to become independent, find what truly interests you and motivates you, and STILL have your family and friends from home.
You sound like a smart person because you’re advocating for what you need. Good luck.
This is a question for your therapist and parents that know you,
Have been evaluated and determined to have a mental illness? If so, do you and your doctors feel that this is under control and stable? Have you identified a mental health profession at your future school who can help continue your therapy? Do you have a support network where your school is? These are all questions that need to be considered if you have a mental ilness.
If you have a mental illness that is not under control then taking a step back and focusing on your health might be a better option.
If it was myself, I would discuss all my fears and concerns no matter with my family and therapist. Hopefully they can help you put them in perspective, Mental illness such as anxiety can magnify concerns anf fears way beyond normal range.