Is it possible I am not emotionally ready to go to a university? I panic and sometime break down crying at the thought of having to leave my home and going to a university. I don’t dazzle in the partying and the phase most people go through in their first years of college. I am an introvert but I also like to be around comfort. I DO NOT do well with change. I never have, no matter if it is something small and not even important. I want to go to college because what else do I do with my life. I just freak out and have an anxiety attack whenever I think about moving to another town to attend a college. Is it just being emotionally not ready? I don’t really think it is maturity because I have held a stable job throughout all of high school, make my own car payments, pay for everything I want to do such as going out to eat, getting my nails done, ect. I worked around 30-35hrs/week during the school year and 40 in the summer all three years. I know what it is like to have to pay for things yourself and the responsibility of having a job and managing my time with school/homework and work. Is any of this normal or am I just making myself crazy??
Can you commute to a local college?
Sure, it’s very possible to not be ready to go away to college. And it’s not a maturity issue - some people simply don’t want to, or they want to wait a little while.
As @mom2collegekids suggests, you could commute to a local college - either a local four-year college or a community college. Great way to save money!
yes, we have a local community college…but is finding a job harder with a community college degree?
Yes, but that’s not what we’re suggesting.
We’re suggesting that you go to the local school for two years, and THEN transfer to a 4 year school to get your bachelors. By then you may feel like you’ll be able to handle "going away’.
Less drastically, you might consider going to a university that’s within an hour or two of home, if there’s one that offers what you’re looking for academically.
This would give you the option of going home sometimes for weekends. You probably wouldn’t end up doing it often, but there is comfort in knowing that you can.
I would suggest you get a job and work for awhile. When you realize that you are working for people with 1/3 of your intelligence and making very little, then your goals begin to take shape and you will have more direction. There is no law that you HAVE to go to college, or that you should go right away after high school.
“Most” people don’t do the same things you think everyone does. You’d be surprised at how many introverts and other nonpartying students there are at colleges. Sometime you need to learn to deal with change, at least you recognize your problem. Perhaps the nest (home) is too comfortable. Like everyone else you are mix of maturity levels. What do your parents say? They should be involved in helping you separate from them and your childhood.
They support me in whatever decision I want to do. My parents and I both don’t consider me a child. I see myself as somewhere in between because I am not sure what I want to do with my life but I am also not childish and expect mommy and daddy to hold my hand and pay for everything I do. I just enjoy my parents company and I enjoy the comfort of my town. I see myself living here the rest of my life and don’t really want to move away, even if it’s only for a couple of years for college. This just makes me even more confused about my choices and options.
My son is a lot like you. At least you are being honest with yourself before you begin the college application process. My son waited until the day before his scheduled freshman orientation to admit to himself and me that he didn’t want to move away from home yet. He seems much happier now that he decided to go to community college. If he wants to go on after he receives his associate’s degree, he can do so by going away for the last couple of years or by commuting to a local 4-year college.
@kidzncatz As a parent with a kid that is living at home still and going to a community college you don’t feel like he is over staying any welcome? My parents by no means think I need to move out in any hurry because I am their last child and they want me around still. I just kind of want to know from a parent view?
Happykid lived at home for two years while attending the community college. We never felt that she over-stayed! It was fun to have her around. We got to attend all of the events she was involved in at her campus, we were able to get to know her professors and fellow students. It was a lot of fun for us! Even after she had graduated, we still took in a lot of events at that campus.
When she was headed off to the U she transferred to, she told us that she had been so happy to be able to have two more years at home with us. She hadn’t felt completely ready to leave after finishing high school.
It really, truly is OK for you to stay home if that is where you feel most comfortable now. When you are ready, you will move out. You will know when the time is right.
@happymomof1 thank you so much! I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear (:
It’s a different relationship to live at home during college and one that can be rather nice. Pop culture sends the message that going away to school is a rite of passage but it isn’t a requirement. My older daughter is back home post-college while she saves money for travel and maybe a house. She works nights so we’re not always in each other’s space. It works pretty well and I’m not all fired up to have her move out. When she’s ready, she’s ready.
@nicole2278 You asked me, but @happymomof1 answered, which is fine. I agree that I am just as happy that my son chose to stay home and in some ways I am even happier, in that he won’t be exposed as much to the partying culture prevalent at many colleges. I did attend a college away from home, but very much disliked the frat party/drinking scene. My son is also able to continue working at a job he started in May.
Although many parents, like the ones you just heard from, think it’s just fine for a kid to live at home while going to college, not every parent feels this way.
Some parents (my husband is one of them) think it is highly desirable for kids to go away to college because they feel that this is an important step in becoming independent. One of our kids went to a college less than an hour from home. He could have commuted. But my husband didn’t want him to. As it happened, the kid didn’t want to commute, either, so there was no conflict. But there could have been.
Also, some parents may have plans of their own that don’t mesh with having a college kid living with them full-time. My own mother and stepfather moved to another part of the country shortly after my younger sister graduated from high school – something they had been planning for a while but had postponed until she graduated. Since she was going to go away to college, this was not a problem. But if she had planned to commute, it would have been. She would have needed to find a college to commute to in their new city, not the place where she had grown up.
So if you’re seriously thinking of commuting to college, talk with your parents. See how they feel about having a commuting college student in the house, and find out if they have any personal plans that you need to know about.
And make sure you’re not over-reacting to the “going away from home” jitters that plague every college kid!
Well Nicole, I have been reading this site for a couple years and joined today just to reply to you! My son is very comfortable at home and I can see him not wanting to go away. I also feel he may not be ready when the time comes however I would never tell him that. We are doing our campus and dorm tours and he “knows” he is going. I have specifically told him he has to leave for four years to college because I want him to have the opportunity for his own life and because I would be happy if he lived at home forever. He is the greatest kid ever and I love having him in the house! That being said, if he absolutely wants to stay home and get his first two locally I will allow it. I just am not telling him that in advance. And if he goes away I will be thrilled for him too. It is something I was never able to afford for myself and I have saved for 16 years so he could have the university experience. I have a good friend whose son was not ready. After his first year at the community college he moved into a local apartment for the second year. Next year, his third, he is going away for his bachelors. There is no right or wrong way, only what works best for you and your parents.
People mature at different rates and some are mature enough to be independent at 18 and some need more time. I know parents who’ve made it clear to their kids that when they’re 18, they’re out, but I think it’s a mistake for parents to force kids to go away before they’re ready. That sink or swim mentality may have turned out okay when kids could afford to work their way through school. It may work now if they’re from families who can afford to be full pay at a 2nd school if they fail out of the first because they’re not emotionally ready to be there, but colleges are so expensive that I wouldn’t risk sending an unprepared kid to one just because I wanted them to learn to be independent or I wanted to retire to a beach community. But different methods work for different families. Certainly talk to your parents and get their advice.
If your stats are high enough to qualify for good merit aid, I suggest you take a gap year and work before applying to 4-year schools. (Don’t take any credit classes or you may not qualify for freshman grants). Or attend a community college then transfer to a 4-year school.
Community colleges often have agreements with 4 year universities in the state system so if you do well, you are admitted with certain advantages. Many students are saving money by doing 2 years at community college, but you also need to be aware that applying to some colleges, aid will be affected if you are a transfer, and also you need to make sure courses you take are accepted at other schools you might later be interested in. You can definitely try to take care of some gen ed classes at community college.
If there is a state college or university, or even private college, near you, you can often take classes as a non-matriculated student and then apply to enter. You can take online classes as well.
You might feel better once you are at the college you were intending to go to. My son has always had trouble with transitions and change and I drove him to his school, went to the bookstore, etc. several times in the summer before he went. Maybe you could take a day trip to campus. Familiarity helps.
But no pressure. If you prefer to stay home, there are many ways to do college.