Not going as well as I thought...

<p>So now that I've had my Elon freshman daughter home for a few days and she's opened up a bit, I've discovered that things are not going as well as I'd thought. She's doing ok, but is sort of "meh" about Elon and seems letdown about this school that she was so excited about. She describes her roommates as "rich, dumb, spoiled girls" who spend most of their time partying at frat houses. She says the frat/sorority scene is WAY bigger than she'd expected. She also says her classes are not very challenging and Elon is "easy." She went to a difficult private high school where she was in about the top 20% of her class, so maybe she's just more prepared than some of the other kids, but I'm feeling pretty discouraged. She has made friends and has joined some things and has some classes she likes and is not talking about transferring or anything, but I do hope things get better. Anybody else have any experience with a so-so first semester at Elon?</p>

<p>My D applied to Elon and loved it when she visited. My impression was similar to what you describe. At the end of the day, my D opted to apply ED to a more rigorous school that was a reach. If she ends up at Elon, I would advise her to take the most interesting/demanding courses that she can, take full advantage of the great internship & study abroad opportunities AND have a fun experience on a beautiful campus. If it doesn’t work out and their grades are good, transferring is always a option.</p>

<p>She definitely doesn’t want to transfer. It’s not that she hates it at Elon or anything like that. There’s still a lot that she really likes about the school. She’s just a little disappointed. Although she’s made some friends, I think she hasn’t found “her people” yet. Her roommate situation is unfortunate. Also, I suspect that the more advanced classes will be more challenging. I’m hoping she just needs some more time.</p>

<p>Undoubtedly you are correct in that she “did not find her people yet” . After the honeymoon vase of college is over I am sure many students feel similarly. She will find her best friends through activities she enjoys and she should definitely talk to her advisor about talking more challenging coursework. I bet this time next year she will be much happier.</p>

<p>My D’14 found her classes definitely got more challenging as she went further into Elon. She has yet to repeat her high first semester GPA. </p>

<p>Is your D involved with Fellows? I wonder if there’s a way to get involved with those programs after matriculating. Perhaps next year she can room with one or more of the friends she has made and get away from the current roommates. Greek life is large at Elon, but still about half of the girls and more than half of the guys are not Greek. I think the non-Greeks just aren’t as visible.</p>

<p>Kierans my D is in a very similar boat and I too was worried. She is happy at Elon, but has yet to “find her people”. I am very proud of her for trying though. She’s working on campus and has met a good group of kids that way, she’s also joined a club sports team, is in a fellows program and is attending a local church with a connection to the campus. She too was in the top of her class but in a public school which is different than many students at Elon, and while the courses aren’t particularly difficult, she is feeling positive about having straight A’s that will “pad” her GPA if needed. She also enjoys her professors and the atmoshpere they provide in their classrooms. l am so glad she hasn’t had the stress of tough classes this first semester while trying to navigate the social scene and trying to make new friends. I keep telling myself it has only been 3 months and friendships take time to develop. I think as time goes on and spring semester begins they will meet more people and the opportunity for making more friends “like them” will occur. Hang in there and stay positive for her.</p>

<p>Thanks for sharing this - im sorry it’s not going as well as hoped. I do think finding the right group(s) of friends is the key, as I have no doubt the academics will become more challenging. Maybe winter term will provide a good opportunity for new connections to be formed.</p>

<p>I would also suggest she seek out older students as friends/mentors. She may be more mature than her freshmen roommates and may find a better fit with girls who are slightly older.</p>

<p>I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t going as well as you thought. Sometimes kids just need more time to settle in. I hear it is very common for freshman to have ups and downs their first year especially around the holidays. In many cases they find their grove by spring of freshman year and really end up loving their school. I hope that is the case for your daughter! Please keep us posted.</p>

<p>Thank you so much for the suggestions and support. I think just putting this down “on paper” helped me. For my daughter, coming home and being around her high school friends made her realize how much she missed them, and it didn’t really help her (or me!) that every single one of them, when asked how they liked college, replied “I love it!” </p>

<p>It really is all about finding the right set of friends, and I’m confident that she will. As others have mentioned, the frat-party scene is the most visible, but if you can look past that, there’s plenty of other things going on and plenty of other kids who are doing other acitivities. She just needs to find her niche. She will be on campus for Winter Term, although the two girls that she’s most friendly with will not be there. I hope that doesn’t mean she’ll be especially lonely, but instead that it will push her to seek out other kids and activities.</p>

<p>Fortunately, she still has a positive attitude, is still committed to Elon, and has found a number of things she really likes about the school. Now her Mom just has to stop worrying;)</p>

<p>Good luck with the “stop worrying” part. I think I’ve been to the hair salon to cover the gray more in the three months of her freshman year!! It will work out. Elon is a fabulous place and she’ll find her niche soon.</p>

<p>LOL…I hear you, Clara2012. This worrying takes a lot out of us Moms, doesn’t it? By the time my daughter left today, she was in a good mood and optimistic and seemed to be looking forward to going back to Elon. I think she might have done that thing where she transferred her concerns to me and now I get to do the worrying for both of us, while she goes back and has a great time:) Good luck to you and your daughter. Let’s hope all the kids are doing great by the springtime.</p>

<p>I think that a common misperception is that LACS offer a more secure & comfortable environment than universities. This can be true if you fit in, but difficult for those who don’t.</p>

<p>OP: To which other colleges & universities did your daughter apply or consider ?</p>

<p>She applied only to Elon, early decision. I still actually think it is a great fit for her. She just needs to find the right group of friends.</p>

<p>Sounds like your D is doing a Tremendous job of making her way and seeking her tribe. My D has several circles of friends ,through her campu job, Greek life , dorm, and a 2 week summer travel program she went on. Her circles continue to grow. </p>

<p>I think most kids say they love it even when they don’t . It’s uncool to rate the college you are attending as unfavorable. Actually the expectation that college life is awesome is so built up that it can be a let down. Takes a bit of time</p>

<p>kierans - Glad to hear that your D is keeping a positive attitude. Remember, it has only been 3 short months out of 4 years. Really, it is only the beginning. Although many kids absolutely love this honeymoon period, I actually believe it can be loving the novelty, independence, major change after 4 years of high school. In many cases, after the honeymoon period and reality sets in, some kids may not be as in love with their chosen college as they thought during those first few months. I think everyone “peaks” at different times. I also want to add that I agree wtih livesininnewjersey - most kids will not admit to their friends any doubts they may be feeling.</p>

<p>The important thing is to give it a fair shot… as mentioned above, join clubs or get involved in any way that can help broaden one’s circle of friends. Focus on academics… etc. As long as your D went back to school with a good attitude, I believe she will be fine. </p>

<p>I too am a worrying mom. And I believe my kids transfer their worries to me. But actually I want it this way!</p>

<p>kierans: sorry to hear of your d’s rough time; so great, though, that she is sharing with you…</p>

<p>Our D is a soph; she had a great first year but, even with that, she often told us that it took awhile for her to find her way…especially socially…I guess the difference with her was that she had experienced this before when she switched high schools so she knew the deal…it does take time…like livesinnewjersey, she has different groups of friends that were developed over the year through different avenues…</p>

<p>hang in there; it does get better…</p>

<p>Then next year, you’ll hear about the sophomore slump…been there, done that…</p>

<p>O/P,</p>

<p>I am very sorry that, currently, things are not going as well as hoped.
Choosing the “right” school is an extremely difficult process and I’m dreading that moment in about a year from now.</p>

<p>What your daughter describes, however, does match what I have heard (and surmised) about Elon.
The school appears to fulfill a certain “niche.”
But that niche may not be a good fit for a lot of people.</p>

<p>I hope things improve soon for your D at Elon or at somewhere else.
Best of luck.</p>

<p>OP: Your posts in this thread seem a bit contradictory. Initially you note that your daughter finds Elon academics easy & that she graduated from an academically demanding high school, and also that she is having a difficult time fitting in socially. In a later post, however, you claim that it’s a great fit. I wonder if you’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
Clearly, it was a mistake to apply to only one school.</p>

<p>Axel rod, my daughter VISITED many, many schools, but decided that Elon was the best fit. Even if she had applied to and been accepted at 50 different schools, she still would have to choose just one and that one would have been Elon. After reading the responses here and talking more to my daughter it became clear that her classes will probably become more challenging as she goes on and that she was probably better prepared than most for the entry level freshman classes. It also became clear that the social problem was more about her unfortunate roommate situation. And her positive attitude about many of the other aspects of the school make me think that it is still a good fit and she just needs to give it some more time.</p>