Not sure if relationship stuff goes here, but here's mine

College Confidential Community
1

<p>Okay so here's my story:</p>

<p>This girl and I chatted a bit at a few events. I got her number, and she seemed interested. I called her a few times, but she could not pick up.</p>

<p>Then, later, she called me and asked if she could call ME back. I said yes, but she never called back. It's been a day or so.</p>

<p>I sent her this message this morning on Facebook. Now I regret it. Do you think I was too extreme? I think I sound desperate and obsessive in this. Also, I don't really see her in person much.</p>

<hr>

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>What you are about to read is me being blunt. I have lots of things to do this week, and thinking about you is a bit of a distraction. Please just hear me out and read this so I can get back to studying for an exam coming up. I may sound crazy here, but I am not (At least I think I am not!).</p>

<p>Based on the way you've been avoiding me in the past few weeks, I am pretty sure at this point I am correct to say you're not interested in getting to know me better. That's fine. I respect your privacy. In case you couldn't already tell, I am just a nerdy college kid with a crush on a very pretty and smart girl. I think your outward intellect is one factor that caused me to go for you originally.</p>

<p>Anyway, I am obviously very inexperienced with relationships, let alone relationships with girls who are actually both pretty and smart. I do realize I called you three times yesterday. For that, I apologize. I was looking forward to asking you out sometime this week, but if that's not what you want, I get it. Just please don't avoid me or anything like that. I don't enjoy awkward situations, and I don't want to make any type of weird situation between us. I believe honesty and open communication are key to any relationship, whether it's with parents, friends, significant other, etc.</p>

<p>Please just let me know your honest thoughts on the matter. I know I am bold to be asking this, but as Mark Twin once loosely said "...you will be more disappointed by the things that didn't do than by the ones you did do..."</p>

<p>If for some reason this is a big misunderstanding, well then I guess I will just have to nominate myself for awkward person of the day or something.</p>

<p>P.S. I know sending this message to you is a massive risk on my part in terms of ever having any chance with you. It's a risk I am willing to take.</p>

<hr>

<p>Thoughts? Do I sound terrible?</p>

2

<p>I’ve done similar things with girls before, and it has never turned out well. She will probably think you are coming off as way too strong because in actuality you don’t even know her. I won’t lie about the fact that it seems a bit desperate, but I’ve been in your shoes before so I understand why you did it. Honestly, though, you should have really waited until you saw her in person or actually got her on the phone to say something similar to this (though not as intense). Something like, “hey I’ve been wanting to see you” would have perhaps been better. Contacting a girl online is never really appreciated because it shows a lack of confidence, at least from my experience. Regardless, you can’t take it back now, so I say just try to make the best out of it. The worst case scenario is that she doesn’t talk to you ever again. And then you can find someone else to mull over. Good luck.</p>

3

<p>I think that’s pretty courageous of you to do. It seems like you really like this girl.</p>

<p>It actually sounds pretty welcoming, and I think you got your point across. Let’s just hope she’s actually interested and has been busy with other stuff (like school and not other guys (-.-).) </p>

<p>At least you let her know how you feel and where you think/thought this might be heading in the future. It might seem awkward to her at first (if she does like you), but it takes someone with a lot of guts to write something like that, especially to someone who you haven’t really gotten to know too much. </p>

<p>I actually smiled when I saw the Mark Twain quote because it shows you actually care and put effort into writing this lovely letter. </p>

<p>I hope it all works out for you. :)</p>

<p>Edit: I agree with the poster above that it might be a bit TOO dramatic for having not known this girl too much, but it shows you’ve been thinking about her. Hopefully it won’t come off the wrong way to her, though. It’s not like you’re the first guy whose ever done this, and be assured that if you can tell she’s “out there,” then more than likely other guys have done the same in different ways.</p>

4

<p>For your own good, I shall be blunt. Your message comes off as passive aggressive. Like that if she doesn’t answer she is a bad person and if she does she better have a good excuse. For the future, even when expressing your feelings stick to that, don’t demand stuff from the other person.</p>

<p>I suggest that if you don’t hear from her anymore that you leave things as they are. I’d say move on if she is doesn’t respond, as the fermat said, take this as a lesson.</p>

<p>If she does respond, still take this as a lesson and work on your tact and try to go a little slower going forward.</p>

5

<p>As you’ve surmised, you come across as obsessive (thinking about her constantly when she might not have thought about you outside of those events), passive-aggressive (“Oh, you don’t want to hang out? Fine then.”), and controlling (“Don’t make this awkward for me, you should be honest, random person I hardly know!”). </p>

<p>It may be that it’s slipped her mind, and things might turn out okay yet, or it may be that she was subtly trying to blow you off. Either way, this should be a lesson in how poorly messages are conveyed through text. It’s hard to tell when someone you know is joking in a text message, so imagine how this acquaintance who barely knows you will interpret your message, especially without any emoticons to at least attempt to convey the intended sentiments.</p>

<p>If she doesn’t respond, please leave her alone. You’re the one who’s made things awkward, and you should own up to that by minimizing contact with her.</p>

6

<p>I’d be really creeped out if someone sent me something like that. If she responds positively, yay, but if not (or she doesn’t respond at all), walk away. I really wouldn’t approach her or try to contact her at ALL after this unless she initiates.</p>

7

<p>boy you really screwed that one up. </p>

<p>if you had simply written “wanna grab lunch?” it would have been good</p>

8

<p>I’d suggest asking for suggestions before writing such a letter.</p>

<p>I also think that personal communications where there is some conflict, are better handled in-person rather than via email or written letter. The phone can work too but it has downsides. Doing these sorts of personal communications, though, requires self-confidence, and it appears that you need to work on this.</p>

<p>One of the downsides of writing such a letter is that it can live with you for a long time.</p>

9

<p>Please delete this thread.</p>