<p>While I can respect a parent’s commitment to their faith, I am concerned by the controlling nature of the situation described here. My best friend, a very devout Catholic, sent her son to Catholic high school – but it was his choice. He had a great experience there, applied to both Catholic and non-Catholic colleges, and is going to his state public – again, his choice. </p>
<p>I guess my question is: At what point, if ever, will the OP’s parents stop trying to exercise control over their child using money? If they couldn’t afford college it would be another matter. But this is not the case. Will they help fund the kid’s wedding someday only if they approve of the future spouse? Help with a down-payment on a house only if it’s in a state/neighborhood where they want their kid to live? Etc.</p>
<p>I think it becomes very difficult to become an independent adult when your decisions are not really yours. Unfortunately, in these times and this economy, it is very hard for kids to launch without financial assistance from parents. I would just caution the OP to consider this in making a final decision – and in dealing with the parents going forward.</p>
<p>As a parent I can see thinking that if you desperately want to increase the chances of your child continuing in the religion in which he/she is raised (ie: meet and marry someone of the same faith), that the best bet would be to send them to a college where as many people as possible there are that religion. Since many people meet their future spouses at college, at Notre Dame, OP will likely have a larger pool of Catholics to choose from than at Yale. It’s a way for parents to hedge their bets for a desired outcome. And when you think that they’re sending their 18 year old baby out into the world (in OP’s case into the contiguous 48), making sure the landing area is soft, and a little less foreign is probably comforting to them. </p>
<p>OP, I’d encourage you to have extensive discussion with your parents about what it is about Yale that concerns them enough to withhold equal funding from you and about your parents’ expectations in general for you in college and in life. It will be enlightening to all of you even if they stand firm in their decision to contribute more if you go to ND. Better to have frank discussions than to shut everything down before a true dialogue can happen.</p>
<p>I talked to one of my Mormon neighbors today. The oldest child, a girl, is at BYU and very happy. Second child, a boy, rebelled at going to BYU. His dream school is a small LAC. Well known in the Northeast, but not AWS. </p>
<p>They went to admitted students weekend. Took their younger kids with them. A group of students showed up naked to “welcome” the prospies. 11 year old sister was totally freaked out. I think mom is really upset she didn’t force him to apply to BYU.</p>
<p>I would sit down and seriously have a talk with your parents, it sounds like Yale has been a dream for a long time, ND is so different from Yale, It might be worth the 40,000 to pursue your dreams, otherwise you may always wonder what if. BTW, Knew two kids who went to Nortre Dame because their parents wanted them too, they were not your typical ND student, very
“beat to their own drummer type of kids” of the 1 transferred and 1 is still there but not very happy.</p>
<p>I actually think it’s entirely the parents’ prerogative not to pay their money to an expensive university that they don’t wish to pay for. IMO, the parents have no obligation to stop using their money to influence their son’s choices when their son us paying his own way and no longer needs their money.</p>
<p>I also think that life is full of disappointments and unfulfilled wishes, and, whether Yale is the OP’s “dream school” or not, having to go to Notre Dame instead of Yale isn’t the kind of disappointment that will actually ruin your life–unless you let it be.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, I do think the parents are nuts not to pay for Yale if they can. There are a handful of American universities that really stand out from the 2500 others in terms of faculty, students, atmosphere, cachet and connections, and Yale is one of them. No disrespect intended to ND (or Vanderbilt or Northwestern or USC or…), but IMO, they’re not Yale.</p>
<p>I understand that the parents believe they’re safeguarding their son’s faith and his soul by saying yes to ND and no to Yale. But as a parent if teens (and a person who converted away from the religion I was raised in), I think they’re naive to hope that they can determine the course of their son’s religious life at all–least of all in this way.</p>
<p>I agree that it is every parent’s prerogative to refuse to pay for any particular college. This must be stated before the application begins, however, not after. This is the mistake OP’s parents made, in my opinion. They should have told OP that they would only pay 100% for colleges they want him to attend. Telling him after the fact turns this into an unhealthy control and resentment issue.</p>
<p>The nutty part is letting the kid apply to Yale EA and then not letting him go there. I don’t get it. But if they stay firm, I think he should make the best of Notre Dame. It’s a great school.</p>
<p>By the way, I’ve never heard of Yale having any single-sex housing. Students are housed in single-sex suites, though.</p>
<p>More than nutty, I think–to me it actually seems like cruelty to allow your child to apply EA to a dream school, and then when accepted to that school refuse to pay. And, yes, Sikorsky, perhaps not disappointing enough to ruin your life, but I think enough for a child to hold some lifelong regret and resentment towards his parents. But, again I would like to point out that OP’s parents are not forcing him to go to Notre Dame. He still can choose Yale. And, yes, I agree with Sikorsky that ND is not even in the same ballpark as Yale. There has been a lot of discussion here–but OP has not come back into it. I would like to know–is the pressure just a money issue? Or, are they going to make his life miserable or be angry with him for the next 4 years if he chooses Yale? I guess that would make a difference to me as well. Otherwise, IMO he should choose Yale and do his best to earn money and scholarships to cover the difference.</p>
<p>“This must be stated before the application begins, however, not after.”</p>
<p>How do we know it happened after. It is OP’s dream school, not the parents’. If we believe that the kid had freedom to apply and his parents are willing to pay most of the costs despite their disapproval, then they are not controlling his choices but their own costs.</p>
<p>Yes, texaspg, but OP applied EA to Yale. Are there really parents out there who do NOT know where their children are applying? Also, if you read other posts by OP, you will see that when he was deferred he even sent in a deferral package that included another additional essay and another recommendation. So, he continued to work for Yale acceptance…</p>
<p>In response to the use of the words “nutty” and “cruel” earlier in this thread, I want to clarify that my parents are not refusing to pay for Yale - in fact, they are paying for most of it (half of tuition + room + board + fees). They are simply more willing to contribute money to a university that, for the most part, shares their same values.</p>
<p>In my opinion, my parents are being very generous by contributing almost $40,000 per year for me to go to Yale, even if they would pay $60,000 per year for me to go to Notre Dame (again, I got no financial aid to either school). They do not OWE me a college education, and I am so grateful that I have parents who look out for my well-being and will be making sacrifices for me to attend college for the next four years.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I just committed to Yale yesterday, and my mother hugged me when I made my decision and cried tears of happiness on my shoulder. My dad also told me he was proud of my decision and of his son. While they also are standing firm in their decision to contribute less to Yale, I am appreciative of their support, both emotional and financial.</p>
<p>Oh, aksoccerboy, we cross-posted! I’m so glad you came back on. Sorry for using such negative terms in our posts–we’re parents, too, and certainly didn’t mean anything other than being totally supportive of you! I just got all teary-eyed reading your post…what a great guy you are! And, your parents must be pretty special too–after all, they raised YOU!</p>
<p>Also, I knew from the beginning that my parents would pay more for a Catholic college than a non-Catholic ones. They were clear on that principle.</p>
<p>I realize that my situation raised an interesting ethical question, and just wanted to demonstrate that my parents’ decision was not an attempt at “brainwashing” me in any way. I love my parents too much to let those words be casually thrown around. But I DO understand how my original post could be misconstrued a little bit. So I was not hurt by any of the resulting comments.</p>
<p>Congratulations aksoccerboy! I’m so glad to hear you received such positive reactions from both your parents about your decision! You will have a wonderful experience at Yale. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>OK, I’ll downgrade “nutty” to “goofy.” Perhaps they’ll change their views as they see how you thrive at Yale. Join the Catholic organization there, and talk about it a lot with them.</p>