<p>S2 has some medical exceptionalities (celiac, also chronically immunosuppressed) and has been granted a medical housing assignment so as a freshman, he will have a single with its own tiny bathroom, but in a dorm that is "mixed" i.e., not predominantly freshman. All dorms are coed by room.</p>
<p>Well, yesterday he almost bursts into tears and says he's scared to live alone, and wants a roommate, or wants to live at home and commute. S1 did that as a freshman, but only because he was profoundly unready academically to be in a dorm. S2 is a very self-managed, independant person so I was shocked at his reaction. Having a double would mean living in a dorm situation that is medically dangerous, and as such is not a possibility.</p>
<p>Told him I would never send him to live there if I didn't think he could handle it, but now I feel bad. He is a quiet introvert, and I imagine him all alone, like a forlorn puppy in a doghouse. Someone, quick, tell me it will all be okay :)</p>
<p>Relax. It’ll be fine. A good friend has a son (both with Celiac’s) who was not exactly thrilled about leaving home (although he only goes to school an hour away). He did okay his freshman year, although came home a lot. He’s now a sophomore and getting out much more–joined a business fraternity, an IM soccer team, . . . . I have a feeling if your son were going to have a roommate he’d have some freak-out about that. My best guess is this is anxiety about going to college in general leaking out. This is when you spend the next 7-ish months staying calm, listening to his fears, reassuring him it’ll be fine. I think as the time gets closer it can help for him to have a date to circle on his calendar when either you’ll visit him (Parents Weekend?) or he can come home (maybe after a month or so?).</p>
<p>It’ll be fine. Every person finds friends at college. He might be glad in the end that he had no roommate. Sounds like a good living arrangement to me. :)</p>
<p>I know, I thought he would be excited by the news. And I reminded him he has to come home for some medical treatments once a month, and for heaven’s sake he’s grown up in a university town so this is not an unfamiliar place for him (and some of his friends will be on campus AND his brother – -God willing — will return to classes if not campus). </p>
<p>Kids. Always ready to whack you with something unexpected.</p>
<p>do you think his fears of living alone have something to do with his medical condition? I gather that you live relatively near the campus, since one option is to live at home and commute. Maybe some reassurance that you will be there for him if he needs medical help or if he occasionally feels the need to have dinner and sleep at home rather than at the dorm? Perhaps he could “try” the dorm setup for the first semester, leaving him the option to commute the second term if it really doesn’t work out?</p>
<p>Keep the current plans. By the time fall comes your son will probably have a change of heart. Right now he is going through all of the possible bad scenarios. I highly recommend all students start in the dorm and if needed financially commute later. It is an experience you can’t get again (I compare my across town to campus dorm life with that of a college friend who walked to campus from home- evenings and weekends she missed out on a lot as parents don’t tolerate late night visits to go out…). Your son will do fine. Many HS seniors get cold feet at some time before starting college, your son is normal in this.</p>
<p>My son is a freshman with a single for medical reasons (severe allergies). He lives on a mixed floor (both gender and age) and shares the bathroom. He is also rather introverted and needs lots of “down” time on his own so being in a single has been a blessing for him. That said, I think he often spends too much time alone and have been encouraging him to join a club or theater.<br>
I know it’s hard to hear when your kiddo is in pain, but consider yourself lucky that he is sharing with you! If he’ll talk with you, he can work it out and you can help him figure out if it’s college anxiety or separation or what it is about living alone that frightens him. Maybe he can try it with a morning check-in with you - just as a reassuring start to his day. Perhaps some counseling will also help him sort through his worries.<br>
As kathiep mentioned, the 2015 thread is full of stories from us freshman parents, and I’ve been sad for those kids who are struggling with roommate issues - seems like so much to deal with on top of adjusting to everything else.
Keep us posted!</p>
<p>I so appreciate your willingness to helicopter for the helicopter-ing, but I’m good. Even if he did cry, I think he’s plenty ready to leave the nest. He’s been through things that would make many grown men cry ~ expressing some healthy doubts and worries is okay with him, and me. But thanks so much for your concern ;)</p>
<p>Maybe he is only very mature compared to your other one. Maybe he does need to live at home. In any event you will work it out. No permanent damage has been done.</p>
<p>Encourage him to go to admitted student days and perticipate in all the orientation events, including the FB page for Class of 2016. Once he makes friends it will seem easier. If anything, his new friends will probably be a little jealous about the single. Maybe if he makes an effort to make the single an invitin place he will feel comfortable having people over as well. It is a huge advantage for him to be able to lug stuff back home in the summer.</p>