I want to ask for some advice regarding my daughter’s high school decision.
Ideally, We hoped that she could get accepted to one of the top 10 boarding schools, but she got waitlisted. Now she has 2 choices, one day school and one boarding school.
She is well-rounded, 95% SSAT score, A student, 8 years of experience with string playing, very involved in community service.
I know she will do well in either school, but she is my first child. I would love to gather more wisdom from other parents. What would you do if she is your child? What should I consider before the final decision? One more thing, her string teacher compared their college matriculation and recommended she should choose NY top-tier day school.
Thank you for reading this and I am looking forward to reading all of the wisdom you would share.
How could someone give you advice? There are no specifics – so much will depend on what is important to your daughter and what each school offers. Plus, what do you think about boarding vs living at home?
I wouldn’t worry too much about college matriculation. Which school will allow your daughter to flourish?
“I wouldn’t worry too much about college matriculation.”
This is my view also. From what I have seen it looks like top universities know what the difference is between a top private high school versus a competitive suburban public high school versus an average public high school. I think that any one student who works hard and does their best is likely to have similar chances at a top university regardless of which high school they attend.
“Which school will allow your daughter to flourish”
Exactly right. You need to find a school that is a good fit for your daughter. I do not think that we can answer that. We can point out that a highly ranked private high school will have a lot of very competitive students who want to be be #1 in their class. Whether this is a good environment or a bad environment for a particular student is going to depend upon that student.
High schools in the US (whether private or public) can be very stressful. Each of us needs to understand how our child is likely to react to this.
It depends on the child and if it’s good fit or not. for instance, some thrive at all girls schools while some prefer co-ed. (unless you are comparing co-ed boarding vs co-ed day school)
College matriculation is important only to a certain degree, but after that , it is not as important. The most important is the fit as pointed out by others above.
Choose absolutely the school that will make your daughter happy. Period. Speaking from experience, unless you are a top donor at any of these prep schools, it will not give you any leg up in the college admissions process. The kids compete against each other and having a top name in your high school box doesn’t correspond to Ivy unless your high school fights for you. And if you don’t give them significant amounts of money, then they won’t, you’ll be lumped with the other kids. So both will give a great education. Just let her be happy.
One of the advantages of Boarding School is you eliminate the “commute time” out of your kid’s day. In some cities this can be 1 hour each way to and from school. So now they can sleep in a little more in the morning and walk to sports and activities in the afternoon and later walk to dinner with their friends. Of course if you live close to your day school this might be less of a factor in your decision.
I am new here, so my explanation was not enough, I think.
Day school - 700+ students, very good orchestra program but very very competitive. People say lots of students have tutoring after school.
Boarding school - 500+ students, very tight community but ok orchestra program. In the beginning, I introduced my daughter to the boarding schools, so I am very open to it.
My daughter is very kind, independent but not competitive. She likes to help people. That is why she has been doing community service for more than 4 years.
Would there be anything else I could share? I didn’t grow up in US, so I have no experience of high school and college here.
Does she want to pursue music professionally? My daughter plays the flute in her boarding school orchestra, but it’s just an EC and she’s never planning to use it professionally. She likes living at school and by removing commute time, she can do orchestra, as well as sports and clubs because she has time. She continues to work with her home flute teacher via zoom for private lessons due to Covid and that has worked well!
The best fit is the best school. From what you have mentioned:
-Absolutely no difference in terms of matriculation from top 10 or top 25 BS. There are kids going to each and every Ivy from many BS ( some of the kids attending the best colleges are not even in the top 50 BS’s).
-Day schools are different than a BS. In a BS, there are more kids who are from all over the world. There is often more diversity ( not only racial, but economic and social and international in perspective).
-Competition varies. We found BS that were hyper-competitive and ones where kids were more collaborative. You can feel the vibe,
-NYC schools ( or any day schools) are limited to kids within commuting distance. When the time actual comes to apply to college, your kid is is in the same pool as his/her classmates. So if every kids is applying to Brown then your kid is effectively ranked within his/her group. Same thing happens at BS, but at BS, many kids apply more widely. There may be kids who want to attend an LAC, or a tech college or even international. The fits tend to me more specific to the kids wants, IMO. Rather than driven by the parents.
-BS makes kids independent and lots of others things. Day school is private school so kids don’t always have to mix with every other kid and learn to be part of a community. There can be cliques. Though this can also happen at BS’s.
It was easy for us. My oldest told us after touring many schools, they wanted to be at a BS where things didn’t end at 5PM ( like the day schools). I’m glad kid knew. And I think there is also value in day schools depending on the kid and their wants and needs.
4 year merit scholarship is a lot, so that means something. Is your daughter worried about being far away from home? It would help if you could name the schools since that would allow people to chime in on the culture of the school, etc.
She is an advanced player for her age but she hasn’t chosen her mind if she wants to pursue it professionally. Her string teacher is really really great, I think she would guide her in the right way eventually.
The boarding school she got accepted to is often mentioned in CC as a tight-knit community, very family-like, not competitive and very collaborative with each other.
I’m going to take a stab at this, but it’s really not going to be helpful unless you are willing to say the names of the schools or I magically happen to pick the random two schools that match you situation.
So, let’s compare Horace Mann with, say, St. George.
You will be paying $120,000 for high school, as opposed to minimal for St. George’s
You say you kid is a kind person. Horace Mann, while it has kind people, is known as a competitive school and stressful.
Your kid will need to commute to HM, which is probably 45min assuming you’re in UWS/UES; factor in an hour if you are downtown or in NJ.
It sounds like the BS thinks your kid will be a ringer; she’ll probably not be tippy top at HM (which is fine, but will make college apps harder).
she will probably meet a wider diversity of kids at SGS. She will meet kids from overseas and from all over the US.
She will become a lot more independent bc she will have to deal with her own laundry, etc.
She may be able to pick up some new sports at SGS, or at least be exposed to them, like sailing.
Good luck with your decision and congratulations on your scholarship
You are a loving & caring parent seeking guidance.
In my opinion based on the information shared in this thread, there is no wrong option; you & your daughter just need to decide which is the better option for her & for your family.
P.S. You are a really good parent to enable your child to have such great options.
What does she want her next 4 years to be like? Which school will come closer to meeting that ideal?
How does she want to spend her time? Does she want a more competitive or collaborative environment? Does she want her school community to be central in her lifetime? Some kids with very focused interests have more freedom to pursue those with a singular focus at a day school because they have no obligations after classes end. They can go to the barn, ice rink, studio, etc. to ride, skate, dance, etc. Other kids are thrilled to have so many options within 5 minutes of their room and love that they no longer have to choose between the theater productions and lacrosse.
From your point of view, what is the impact financially? Will the money you save from the full ride make different college options available?
It’s hard for us to advise you because this really is a decision that is more about your priorities than the schools themselves.