Board or day?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

Hello all - my daughter has been accepted to a school and may have the option to board (depends on finances).

We live 1 hour and 20 minutes from the school, in mountainous terrain, where the winter driving can be dicey. There is a bus for students from our county.

(She currently attends a school that’s an hour away, with the same driving risks, and is a day student there; no boarding option).

I am leaning toward trying to have her board, but she is opposed. She says she values her privacy (she’s 15) and would miss home too much. I know that she is very resistant to change of any kind, and I think that is driving this more than anything, plus the typical self-consciousness of most teens. She’s not comfortable at all with things like locker rooms, etc.

The school is about 40% boarders, so not the traditional mix, from what I’ve read about other boarding schools. I don’t think there is any us-against-them with boarders/day students because of this ratio, but I honestly am just guessing on this.

I feel she could miss out on a lot of the pluses of this school by not boarding. She has managed to combine homework with several ECs at her current school, but late nights and travel frequently leave her exhausted, and she rarely gets together with school friends, who are all a long way from us.

If she has the option to remove the commute, I think she should take it, and that’s my overriding concern here – how much better her life could be without three hours of commuting every day (even though we’d miss her like crazy).

I’m probably preaching to the choir, here, I know – but do y’all have any guidance or insights, either way?

Thanks in advance!

2

My advice is always to follow your daughters lead. She has expressed her reasons for not wanting to board in a clear, concise way- I would listen to her. In my experience, by putting your daughter in a position she isn’t comfortable with, you might set her up to fail. Have you considered having her attend as a day student for her first year and then reevaluating? This is common practice at out kids school. In addition, 40% boarding students sounds like a very empty campus on the weekends/evenings for an unenthusiastic boarder.

3

That is very nice. At least you or your daughter will not have to deal with the drive.
I agree with vegas1 in that she needs to be the one who decides and to feel she was given the choice and responsibility. Perhaps she will reevaluate it in a year. She may decide not to board even then. She will deal with inconveniences and difficulties in dorm living and roommate issues better if she herself was fully convinced of the benefits. Otherwise she will be just resentful.

4

Thanks, you guys have talked me down from my helicoptering. I’ll let her decide for herself. Great idea to reevaluate after a year!

5

Is there an option to change? For instance, at my son’s school, day students can request a change to boarding one time during their four years. My son is hoping to change to boarding for 11th grade. (We will see…)

6

I honestly don’t know - will ask.

7

That’s a crazy long bus ride. Are you sure that giving up three hours a day to commute is worth it? I can’t imagine being able to do homework and ECs and getting enough rest with that schedule.

8

We have day students who commute 40 minutes and wish they were boarders. I think your D will be in that regretful boat if she’s day. Those 3 hours on the bus could be spent hanging with friends, exercising, studying, or sleeping; she won’t have much time to really interact with you at home.

That said, it’s ultimately her choice.

9

I know I would prefer to board, but I’m completely different. She is very much a homebody.

Also, we already are remote by most sane people’s standards - like, it’s about 35 minutes to the grocery store… Our family is quite used to driving long distances for everyday activities. And like I said, it’s two hours round-trip already for her school. (To put it all in perspective, the high school we’re zoned for is also about an hour bus ride, so it’s not like we’ve put her in the crazy situation simply to go to a ritzy private school.)

10

Why not both? Board but then bring her home on weekends and perhaps one day during the school week?

This would cut down on commuting but still enable her enough home time.

11

I agree that the drive will be eating up a lot of time that, depending on the rigor of the school and the ECs, you all may resent. It will almost certainly mean that there will be little interest in returning to campus for weekend activities, and these are often really fun and a great way to build friendships. But if your DD doesn’t want to board, forcing her to do so could be a bad decision.

My kid needed decompression time alone to recharge, so I get that. His school was clear that "5 day boarding " was not what they intended for boarders for community building purposes, although many schools do have a large percentage of boarders who go home most weekends. That is a question worth asking as it could be a good halfway house if your school is amenable.

Most schools will allow day students to change their status to boarding if they have beds (from year to year ), so whatever she chooses is unlikely to be permanent.

12

My son’s school also doesn’t want boarders going home every weekend. To counter it, they have a full roster of weekend activities and several weekends are on-campus weekends where boarders have to stay on campus.
That may be a good question to ask…