Off Campus - How to convince?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I'm going to be attending a UC in fall of this year as a freshman. I'm extremely independent (buy my own groceries, cook for myself, etc.) and cannot stand the thought of living in a dorm with NO kitchen (no stove!!!). However, my parents said that they would not pay for my college if I didn't live in dorms the first year. Now..I have become open to the idea that for just one year I can manage, but then I realized that I will not be able to cook for myself. Other factors play into the mix (I'd be living with my boyfriend and they probably fear I won't get involved in campus life) but I would really, really prefer to cook for myself.</p>

<p>Is anyone familiar with this situation? Is there anything I can do regarding the kitchen situation? Is there anything that will convince my parents of the benefits of living off campus?</p>

2

<p>Most schools require freshmen to live on campus - I know my daughter's does. Do they have any dorms that are suites with kitchens? </p>

<p>From a parent point of view I see where your parents are coming from. My daughter lives on campus and I am glad of it. In a big school you tend to make your friends through where you live rather than through the classes.
So really I am with your parents here. Live in the dorms for a year. It really is a good idea and convenient. For instance my daughter has some breaks between classes and can pop back to her room. If she was off campus she would have to drive home then back to campus then try and find a parking spot (not easy). First year is so many changes and adjustments - living on campus makes it a little easier. But check out if there are any dorm options with kitchens. My daughter does like to cook some of her own meals so is glad there is a kitchen (her dorm is a setup with 20 rooms sharing a common area and a kitchen).</p>

<p>The boyfriend situation - my freshman daughter started school in the dorms and thinking her 2nd year she and her boyfriend of 2 years would get an apartment soph year. He is in the same dorm as her. First semester I would say them being in the same dorm did make her get less involved in campus life. They have now broken up (though remarkably have stayed very close friends) and she is getting more involved in campus - and is glad they were not living together. She has decided to stick with living on campus her soph year.</p>

3

<p>Even if there's not a kitchen in the room, is there a possibility that there is a dorm that has a kitchen in it? Do you have a Greek system? If you planned on rushing there is a very good possibility that there is a kitchen at your chapter's house that you could probably use.</p>

<p>In regards to the Greek system, I know a few of my friends have jobs working in the kitchens of various fraternity and sorority houses. At my school those that work in the kitchen get free food in addition to getting paid which means they don't have to have meal plans. It's a pretty good deal and I know they have definitely sharpened their cooking skills.</p>

<p>If you can't find a way to make the kitchen situation work, maybe you could see if a family near campus needs a babysitter in the afternoons. Opportunities like this arise on my campus all the time and a few of my friends that babysit often end up making dinner for the kids they're watching. </p>

<p>Is there another dorm that has a kitchen that you could transfer to? Do you have friends that live off campus that you could cook with a few days a week? There are definitely ways to make home cooked food while at college even if your dorm doesn't allow it. You just have to be creative! Good luck.</p>

4

<p>Do check out the housing options. Many residence halls offer a dorm kitchen.</p>

5

<p>There is a kitchen available in nearly every dorm that residents can use. You may be right that is about the boyfriend situation. Why not investigate other alternative living situations at the UC you will be attending (Co-ops, other group living) and run that past your parents so you know what their objections are. In any case, like I tell my own college age kids, you can have your independence as soon as you are willing to pay for it. I was able to make all my own decisions from the age of 17 on, but I also got to pay for my own health and car insurance, college education, rent, food, etc. As long as you want your parents' money, they are technically your boss and you have to follow their rules if you want the paycheck. If you really feel strongly about making your own choices, get a job and apply for student loans so you can truly be independent (with all of the privileges and responsibilities that go along with that). Good luck with you as you navigate the path to adulthood and independence.</p>

6

<p>First of all, congratulations on your UC acceptance. Given the date of your post, you must have been an Early Action applicant with grades and test scores through the roof. Good for you!</p>

<p>Your parents sound adamant ("no dorm, no money") about you living in a dorm freshman year, so it is unlikely that you can convince them to change their minds. They have their reasons (most likely concerning your physical safety), so accommodate them without complaint for one year. However, I suggest that you document all dorm-related problems and inconveniences, so that a year from now, you will be in a stronger position to persuade your parents that off-campus living is better for you. (Of course, a year from now, you might consider dorm life preferable.)</p>

<p>If your parents attended college and enjoyed dorm life, they might assume that you will similarly enjoy the experience. On the other hand, if your parents didn't attend college, they might have an idealistic view of campus life in general and dorm life in particular. They might not realize that "campus life" usually consists of attending class, studying, eating, and sleeping, with a little bit of (sometimes involuntary) socializing squeezed in as time permits. They might not realize that dorm life can be unpleasant for emotionally mature students who like their privacy, and who need peace and quiet. It's unlikely that you will have a private room, so your college roommate will be the make-or-break factor in how well you adjust to dorm life. If you are assigned to a profoundly incompatible roommate, try to find a compatible roommate as quickly as possible. Roommate swaps--if requested courteously and for legitimate reasons--are usually allowed at the beginning of the term. The next most important adjustment is finding a quiet place to study and relax. If that place should happen to be your dorm room, great. If not, look for other places in the dorm or elsewhere on campus where you can be by yourself when you need time to yourself. (One of my favorite late night quiet-time tactics was to use the study lounge on a different floor in my dorm, where I would be an unfamiliar face, and therefore, would be left alone by others.) </p>

<p>Your UC dorm and campus will probably offer opportunities for you to cook, if you search out those opportunities. Almost all dorms prohibit in-room cooking (fire code restrictions), but many dorms have common-area kitchen facilities where you can cook simple meals. Your UC might offer courses in food science or culinary arts which would give you access to a campus kitchen. Your UC might have a student/faculty-run cooking club, also with campus kitchen access. Your UC might also have an Extension Program offering one or more cooking classes, where you would be able to get your hands on a stove at least once a week. By the way, you might be pleasantly surprised by campus dining hall food, which tends to be restaurant-caliber. Buffet-style dining halls provide a selection of foods suitable for most students' dietary preferences.</p>

<p>Regarding your boyfriend: If you and he have a solid and mature relationship, it should not matter that you and he maintain separate residences during your freshman year. By this time next year, your upcoming sophomore year living arrangements might be different, so until then, do your best to keep an open mind about dorm life, and cook up a storm whenever possible.</p>

<p>Best wishes.</p>

7

<p>I had a vegan friend who ended up making friends with fraternity guys so she could use their kitchen. Nearly all the campuses we visited (didn't show us dorms at the only UC we visited though) had a group kitchen in the dorms.</p>

8

<p>bbbf:</p>

<p>As you can tell from my moniker I'm somewhat familiar with two of the UC campuses. Check out the specifics on your particular campus. None of the UCs require living on-campus the first year although they recommend it if possible - especially if you're not a commuter.</p>

<p>At UCSD those living on campus typically live in a res-hall the first year, on-campus university apartments the second year, and then move off-campus after the second year. The on-campus apartments are typically shared by about 5 or so students with some having a double bedroom and some having a single bedroom. The apartment has a kitchen and a living room for the 5 of them. Unfortunately, they still require that one pay for the dining halls but I think this is mostly for them to make money so you could still just cook for yourself if you wanted once in the apartment.</p>

<p>UCLA has a few different types of dorms with most of them not having kitchens although there are other types of housing (apartments) that do but one may not be able to get a spot in them - especially in the first year or two. OTOH - UCLA has been guaranteeing at least 3 years of on-campus housing and I think they're shooting for 4 years guaranteed by 2010 so it's possible to live there longer. </p>

<p>Different UC campuses have different facilities and plans.</p>

<p>My suggestion is to strongly consider (or resign yourself to) living on campus at least the first year and don't worry about the second year until you reach the end of the first year. Give it a chance. Depending on your schedule, major, activities, etc. you might just find that you wouldn't cook quite as much as you thought you would and be willing to accept the 'campus food' somewhat. You'll discover the convenience of being able to roll out of bed at the last minute and still make it to your class and being able to go back to your dorm between classes for study, relaxation, or a nap. You'll also likely meet more people by living in the dorms which could come in handy later when looking for roommates for an off-campus apartment.</p>

<p>What roommates? Well, depending on your parents, they may not be willing to pay for you to live with your BF. Even if they were, there's a reasonable likelihood that a year from now you won't want to live with him! I know that's hard to see now but believe me, there's a realistic chance you won't be together then. The chance of not still being together a year from now is probably even higher if you live with him as a Freshman - JMO. </p>

<p>PM me if you want any more details about UCSD or UCLA.</p>