I just did this. My son and I went to get the diamond appraised. I knew that his girl (fiancé-to-be) knew exactly what she wanted and that this diamond probably wasn’t going to make the cut. We talked about this with the appraiser and liked his suggestion. The suggestion: buy the ring she wants and save this diamond for a necklace or other piece of jewelry (wedding or future anniversary gift).
That’s exactly what is happening.
Yes, I have a diamond from my mother in law but we used it for a solitaire necklace on a very nice gold chain instead of in an engagement ring. I wear it all the time and never wear my engagement ring!
DH and I looked at rings together when we knew we wanted to get married. Later MIL looked at the one I liked and helped DH negotiate it I believe. (She has a keen eye, has lots of very nice jewelry, and has no problem negotiating or helping her sons learn how to when they were purchasing rings for her future DILs, lol.)
Anyhow….I would not have wanted one of her rings or diamonds. It would not have felt like “mine”.
Interestingly, she gifted me a gorgeous diamond ring for a Mother’s Day gift a few years ago. It’s stunning. I wear it often and treasure it and it means so much to me that she would give me such a beautiful ring. Very thoughtful and loving (and yes, generous) but I think bc it was such a surprise it really was extra appreciated.
There are a lot of grey divorces now, 7 year bump may not cover it. I’ve suggested to my daughters that if they are rich, don’t even bother to get married, unless their future spouses are billionaires with no pre-nup of course.
We had my wedding ring set designed by a jeweler in Austin in 1985. Totally coincidentally, he was the same man who appraised my mom’s estate jewelry in 2021 (working at a different store). We figured that out during small talk.
Mom had a large collection so we split it up between my sister, daughter, niece, and myself. We’re giving my nephew a bunch of silver coins in mint condition. My older son is getting a gold key that a Japanese student’s parents gave my dad. I would have offered a diamond to my younger son, but he’d already bought his fiancée a ring. We’re giving her a pretty ring I hope she likes.
This is my viewpoint - it’s a stone that a fiance’ could set as she wanted. It’s not a ring. I do understand that she might prefer a different cut of diamond however. Or a different size. Or whatever.
I agree. I am not going to bring it up at this point in time at all.
We picked out my ring together as well. H was too worried to make a big purchase like that without input from me.
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That said, D already said she would never want to buy a new stone so it makes sense for her to know that she could use one of the family stones to reset the way she wants.
This is a fun/interesting discussion. @Hoggirl , I hope it’s not stressing you out!!! 
@Hoggirl I do think offering a diamond as opposed to offering a ring is different. Myself, the diamond would probably not be as important as the setting (assuming that the diamond is not unusually large or small!). SUPER important to me to pick out setting/metal, etc.
The other thing I was going to say is perhaps you’ll get some feel as to how a potential partner for your son might feel about being offered a family stone when you get to know her. Jewelry might not be her thing or she may have expensive taste! She may have had dreams all her life about her engagement ring or maybe she hasn’t given it a thought.
Time may be your friend here.
I am not stressed out at all.
Ds lives on the opposite coast. Even just getting to meet anyone he has a relationship with will likely happen well after it’s well-established. We generally only see him 3 times a year or so.
I think I like the idea of giving the “stone” to your son vs, an engagement stone is a great idea. I would present it to him that way. It’s a family heirloom to be used at his discretion. I’d give him ideas, such as a special anniversary, the birth of their first child.
i agree with conmama; chances are that the son and his wife will inherit it some day anyway, right? might as well be now; and let them do what they wish. it’s nice of you to consider this.
My son conveniently “forgot” that I had offered him stones. My MO gave me 1c studs which I never wear. Plus I have rings with stones. The fiancé wanted one that didn’t come from a mine.
Left to my son, he would have chosen a sapphire surrounded by diamonds. Nope, DIL had a diamond and rose gold in mind.
Congratulations! Sounds like a happy family occasion is coming up for you!!
From your post, I am curious, I can’t tell from your writing, are you saying it’s a good thing he consulted the fiancé, because if he hadn’t he would have picked out something she didn’t like? Or that the fiancé is picky and should have been happy to get the sapphire ring?
Also, are you upset they aren’t using the stones you have, and you really think your son remembered but just wanted to get a non-mined stone, or do you mean something else? I guess I am wondering if you are offended they chose to go another route? I can imagine myself a tiny bit offended (or at least not feeling appreciated) if my child turned down my stone offer, thus why I realize this is all tricky business!
Well anyway, it’s exciting that you are a wedding in the near future, best of the luck to the happy couple, and I’m sure they’re delighted with what they picked out, which is a good start to a marriage!!
Yes, I was hurt that my son would t use one of my stones. I still don’t know if he forgot. I do think it was important that they shopped together, she also shopped with a GF. She narrowed her choices to a few and let him pick. He presented it to her while staying in a castle in Ireland.
They are expecting a baby in May. Been married a few years.
Sometime in the future, I’ll start the process of selling. DIL is not a jewelry person, so I will sell and share the proceeds with my sister. My sister, by the way, wishes I would wear the studs.
Aaaah, I understand. And I can relate to the hurt. When making a generous offer like that, we’d like to think the recipient would be thrilled and extremely grateful and eagerly accept the gift! Hard to accept less than that.
At the same time, I think it’s fair for a young couple to prefer to start fresh. Just as I think it’s super sweet for a bride to choose to wear her mother’s wedding dress but I equally think this is important and she has to feel great about this thing she’s wearing and she should be able to start fresh with a fresh marriage and pick what she precisely likes. Both approaches have merit to me. So please try not to be hurt, it really is pretty normal for them to want to do this thing themselves.
But I wonder about the selling. As much as they may not have wanted the stones for their engagement ring, and she is not a jewelry person, they may have children who would be thrilled to inherit these stones! If you have a granddaughter, perhaps you could make a “sweet 16” ring from a stone, and maybe a solitaire pendant necklace or keep them as studs. There are options for boys I guess, too. It may seem more charming to a grandchild to have your stone than for someone to wear their mother-in-law’s, as generous as the offer is to anyone!!
So anyway, I just mean to say that I get your feelings and I think they’re natural, and I’m sure you’re doing your best to be understanding of the couple’s desire to do their own their thing at the outset of their marriage. Sounds like they had a VERY special engagement!!
My wife says that I could’ve bought her a fake diamond ring and she would’ve been just as happy. I’m glad my younger self didn’t fall into that trap!
I would just casually mention that you have a diamond suitable for an engagement ring someday if he needs one. It is not the sort of thing people forget. Offer it with a good story.
My engagement ring comes from my FIL’s 1970s pinky ring, the diamond of which was smuggled into the US by his mother in her bra. She didn’t trust border guards after her experience fleeing the Nazis. And my husband adds, didn’t trust taxes.
We eventually sold the gold setting when prices where hi and bought $10,000 worth of furniture at Room and Board. It was a big ring.
S bought his fiancée a 2 karat synthetic diamond engagement ring with 4 prongs and they were engaged on Easter morning. He bought it via mail order. I haven’t seen it in person. She told him what she wanted and he bought it. They’re happy.
Congratulations!