<p>anovice - I went off to college at age 16, and it didn't work out for the very reasons presented by zagat above. However you're showing a lot of maturity by (A) including all the costs of attendance in your calculations, and (B) considering the feelings of others. All Hail. So I'm going to set aside my own experience and suggest some things that only a mature individual might fully grasp.</p>
<p>(1) Your parents want you to be successful
(2) I read into your tale the possibility that they also are concerned with you heading off to college at such a young age
(3) UDelaware Honors is hardly the worst thing that could happen to you
(4) Maturity involves taking control of your own life
(5) There's no guaranteed path, and certainly no easy path to maturity.</p>
<p>If you are indeed mature beyond your years, I believe a case can be made for either option -- inexpensive UDel or expensive private college. I suggest you read the thread "Dear Parents, from the Black Sheep" currently on Page 2. AroundTheCorner (that's a great handle isn't it?) is an individual who's decided her life direction and has taken responsibility for that decision. If you're comfortable doing the same, the decision of where you go to college is yours. Otherwise my friend, it's Delaware.</p>
<p>Best wishes with this. I'm sure you have a great future ahead of you.
(6)</p>
<p>In the nicest way, anovice, parents are suggesting that you might, in fact, need another year before taking the plunge.</p>
<p>For me it is two reasons:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>You are unable to grasp that the expensive option is a possiblity, if you use your own wallet. You do not seem to have a concept of your own wallet. College students should have a concept of their own wallet.</p></li>
<li><p>The title of your thread--How Do I Deal?. The OP sounds like a typical teenage negotiating/bullying tactic involving extreme emotions (bitterness) because...you are not getting what you want--even though you have everything you need.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I think you should talk more to your parents. I would be careful not to confront them or to make them feel defensive over their not having the money. They have been wanting the very best for you for the last 16 years, and they feel horrible that they can't give you everything. I know that they want you to have what you want and feel like failures because they can't do it. </p>
<p>Explain to them that Delaware is a good school, but you just don't feel that you would ever be truly happy there. (It is probably not true because you would probably love it by Xmas of freshman year, but you do feel that way now.) They are giving you some money already. Offer to pay them back the extra money, and to take out student loans as soon as possible. Make the case that your being unhappy there (at least at the beginning) could affect your success at Delaware. Also, that going to a better name school would pay back dividends later and that the extra cost would be a good investment in the long run.</p>
<p>If you plan on going to grad school, it might be a good idea to go to Delaware now, and then use the money later to go to a dream school.</p>
<p>Rather than go through individually and answer each poster I'll make a few comments which should clear a few things up...</p>
<p>I have made my decision to go to Delaware and have turned down all the other schools.... it's kind of a done deal. I think I could go on forever trying to convince myself and my parents why Delaware was the wrong choice but it was pointless because I knew that it was probably the RIGHT choice but not the choice I wanted to make... does that make sense? You know sometimes when you have to do something that you know is right but you still don't want to do it... that's the feeling I have and it has become VERY easy for me to blame by parents for my problems because after all they indirectly have caused them because of the financial restrictions they placed upon me so late in the game... but, that's water under the bridge now.</p>
<p>I think that even though I'd like to go to a more expensive school(translating to smaller and more personable for me) I'm not willing to give up other things in my life which I would have to if I were spending so much more money. My parents have money... but spend it in somewhat nontraditional ways. They could most definitely AFFORD to send me to any school but don't feel it is right. This past year they've spent over $20K on various vacations for the family... not lay on the beach type vacations but bushwhacking in Africa and mountain climbing in Europe. They value this more than an education and I think I may to. This is how I've grown up(traveling and having the opportunity to do once in a lifetime things) and I don't really want that to stop because I am too selfish to go to a normal larger university. I'll learn to deal and I think that my desire to go to a smaller private school is truthfully a waste of resources. I'll get a fine education at Delaware and will probably have a great time doing the many things I WOULD'T be able to do at other schools. I am already looking at study abroad options for the winter semester and this is something my parents support. I know I will be able to do a little traveling over the summers rather than working like I would be at a more expensive school. </p>
<p>... it'll all work out in the end</p>
<p>...but I'm still bitter </p>
<p>...and I really, really appreciate the kind words that some of you have said about me.</p>
<p>Anovice - are you SURE you want to go to college right now? Your parents sound as if they somewhat different priorities than some people do - maybe you should print your last post, have them read it and talk about it. I think you are really going through a growing experience - just because a 16 year old has had unusual broadening experiences, and is intellectually advanced, doesn't mean she is not emotionally 16, at least some of the time.
I would have real concerns about my 16 year old going off to even a moderate sized state college, and even more concerns if I knew she was so unhappy about the situation. My concerns might not change the financial realities, but might change how to approach the situation. If I was an adventurous parent and you showed me this post - I would be hurt, and a little angry, but then I would start talking about gap years, overseas service opportunities, jobs, etc - things to get you one year closer in age to your freshman peers, and perhaps to put a little more focus on the situation. I don't know I just think if I was your Mom, I would want to know a litlle about how conflicted you are and about how you are trying to come to terms with your feelings.</p>
<p>I must be missing something. Your parents have provided you with a home filled, apparently, with luxuries, taken you on exotic vacations and are willing to pay $10k/year for your college, and you are bitter? (I know you said Delaware was going to cost YOU that much, but isn't that really what it will cost THEM?)</p>
<p>My son would hate me forever if he were to hold me to the same standards.</p>
<p>How can I not go to college night now? This is what everyone has been expecting and what I have always been planning. I've prepared to my best and don't really have a desire or a direction for anything BUT college. This would lead to choas this year and only prolong my college battles until next year. I could spend a year learning about myself away from college or I could spend a year learning about myself in college. I've always said that when I'm done going to school I'll be done with traditional education forever because I don't think I could bring myself to go back. At this point I can't even think about NOT going to college... what would I do with myself?!?! Work at a meaningless job for a year? travel with my parents money which could be going towards my education? sit at home and "find myself"? I know that some kids do it but I don't think that's me. I have to face the real world some day and I think that taking a year off would put me even farther away from being a "normal kid". Right now, I do everything a HS senior does... no one but a few of my close friends know I'm young and no one would suspect it. Inwardly I don't feel younger I just feel frustrated... frustrated about college. But isn't that "normal"? </p>
<p>If I get to UDel and I'm miserable... I'll transfer. If I get there and I feel out of place... I'll transfer or take a year off. But isn't it a bit premature to quit before the game has even started?</p>
<p>ctymomteacher... you're not misunderstanding my post. Yes, I'm bitter and apparently for no reason. I have a great school to go to, have had a great life, etc but am having to settle on a school that I am not really happy with. All these kids having their dreams come true because A) they got great scholarships or B) their parents willing to pay and I am a bit irritated that I didn't get this same luxury. Maybe it's envy and not bitterness. Who knows. Also, my parents are not paying the $13K they're paying about $7K and I'm paying the rest. The point is not the money but that they said they'd do one thing then changed their minds and left me in a sticky situation. Like I've said before I have the best intention to make the best of it but isn't it only natural to be a bit angry? Maybe so... maybe not. </p>
<p>If you've been "baited and switched," then yes, you do have reason to feel angry. But it's hard for me to think a parent would do that. Could there be some misunderstanding between you that you aren't giving them a chance to clear up? Kids don't always know everything about their parents' finances, you know.</p>
<p>I would be hurt beyond belief if I came across something like this written by my son, not because I can't afford to give him more than I have done, but because I would hate to think he'd have such feelings and not tell ME about them instead of posting them in a public forum.</p>
<p>I've been to UD before (I live in DE, btw), and it's not a bad school. In fact, it's reputation is steadily increasing as being a good public school. I admit, it's not quite as impressive as UC Berkeley or UMich or any of the public ivies, but what matters most if whether you're happy there or not.</p>
<p>My parents know about my feelings... and they do care. </p>
<p>As for posting about it... my parents didn't even know what colleges I had applied to until Feb. when acceptances had started to come in. They told me that they trusted me to "do the right thing" and that "I knew myself best". We communicate but tend to both be very independent and somewhat stubborn. I will print this out to give it to them one day but I don't think now it the best time considering that they do know how peeved I am about the whole situation. </p>
<p>All my comments have not been against my parents and if you notice I do believe that they have my best interest in mind. Problem is, my best interest in their eyes is slightly different from my best interest in mine. But aren't they supposed to be wiser? more level headed? I am normally for the best value but with colleges I'm not so sure. My parents are sure... very sure. They had no problem paying $40K a year if that is what it took to get a good education in a comfortable environment... now that they see the same can be had in a $13K environment and they are sold... I am not so sure.</p>
<p>Well, if you do believe that they are wiser and that they have seen that the same can be had in a less expensive environment, haven't you just justified their position to yourself? And isn't it possible that they might want to reserve some cash for your future endeavors as well as their own needs?</p>
<p>Honestly, I hope you will adjust to this situation and find yourself extremely happy at Delaware. There seems to be no real reason for your unhappiness except that you know people who have gotten scholarships to go elsewhere. So does my son. He's going to a great school that's not in the top ten but that has given him the money to attend without destroying our futures. </p>
<p>But the capacity for happiness can be practiced as well as inborn. I hope you find that do-able for your own sake.</p>