<p>I've been getting a lot of flack from my friends and family (specifically my mom's relatives) about applying to tiny, unknown colleges in the middle of the country. We're talking schools like Denison, Centre, St. Olaf. Some of them are mainly on the list for the merit money, but I genuinely like all of them. Sometimes, I wish that I had a trust fund or a winning lottery ticket and so could aim for the top LACs. But that's just not reality. </p>
<p>Hearing "you're cheating yourself" over and over is getting very old. I'm having trouble remembering to be respectful and polite... any tips for a frustrated daughter?</p>
<p>Mostly too expensive. They usually take the stance that student loans aren’t that big a deal, are a good investment in my future, and can be repaid fairly painlessly. OTOH, I usually try to avoid talking about money (especially with friends) since I feel that our family financial situation is private…</p>
<p>Did you apply to any schools besides these? I’m just wondering if you could defer the grilling by saying “I’ll be sure to discuss my choices with you once I hear back.” It doesn’t sound like a direct confrontation on your part is possible. So sorry people are making this stressful time more stressful.</p>
<p>Bottom line – they are not paying the bill, so tune them out. Seriously. Brush it off. You and your parents are the ones who have to pay, and you are the one who has to make the most of your educational opportunities no matter where you end up. They are not going to be doing either of those things.</p>
<p>“any tips for a frustrated daughter?”
With a BIG smile on your face- tell your Mom’s relatives, and any other busybodies you encounter, that you’d be happy to apply to any college they suggest if they will promise to pay your tuition payments!
That should shut them up fast…</p>
<p>Of “all of them,” only your mom matters. Have you had “the talk” about finances and shown her the net price calculators? If, in fact, you can both agree that for X or Y college mom will pay, then why not throw in an application to a mom-endorsed school just to make her happy. </p>
<p>As for the rest, I’d avoid the conversation entirely. To the “Where are you applying?” or “What’s your top choice?” questions just say, “Gosh, this application and waiting stuff is so stressful. I think I’ve found some schools where I’d be really happy, but I’d prefer not to talk about college until after I hear where I’ve been admitted.”</p>
<p>Don’t bring the subject up. If it comes up, try to change the subject and go into as little detail as possible. It isn’t necessary to start talking about how Harvard is too expensive or how easy it is or isn’t to repay loans. </p>
<p>If possible yell “OMG I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE TO WRITE ANOTHER ESSAY!” and run from the room waiving your hands madly over your head. :)</p>
<p>“Thanks so much for your support. It means a lot to me that you believe I can do really well in college. That’s why I know you can help me explain to the family that I’ve chosen to apply to colleges that are not only a good match for my academic interests but which also will make it possible for me to graduate without debt. So many people think you have to go to a name-brand school to succeed; I’m delighted to have you understand the subtleties of the process.”</p>
<p>[Yes, even though you know they don’t. They’ll be too embarrassed to admit it.] :)</p>
<p>I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. All those schools are excellent and will provide a great education. If your friends and family haven’t heard of them, it’s their loss.</p>
<p>There are thousands of colleges in the US. It is impossible to know every single one. The best response is to change the subject. A lot of times these are the same people who did not go to college or have their own debt from college.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the replies. It’s getting harder to avoid the subject of COLLEGE since it seems to be a magical magnet for every conversation ;)</p>
<p>qialah, my mom isn’t thrilled with my list (thinks I will be bored at these colleges) but she understands financial realities and my desire to avoid debt. She has stopped pushing elite colleges. Although there is still the occasional long sigh…</p>
<p>I will definitely start using some of these lovely, vague answers Most of my family (uncles, grandparents) keep asking why I don’t just apply-- just try, just see what will happen. “You never know, it will work out, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, etc.” I’m planning to toss what-the-heck apps for Princeton and Claremont McKenna but see no reason to add a dozen reaches “just to see.”</p>
<p>This does not make sense. She is the one imposing the cost constraints on you, based on how much she will contribute to your college. She should be pleased that you have an affordable list of colleges.</p>
<p>“She should be pleased that you have an affordable list of colleges.”
Ahhh, UCB, you dont seem to understand how hard it can be for some parents to let go of the dreams they have for their children…
OP, give her time- she WILL be proud when April rolls around and she knows you will be able to go college[ and afford it!]</p>
<p>Hmmm, seems that the more common scenario is of parents crushing their kids’ dreams by telling their kids that the kids’ dream schools are too expensive… or telling their kids not to worry about finances, but then telling them in April that every acceptance is too expensive.</p>
<p>mom isn’t thrilled with my list (thinks I will be bored at these colleges) but</p>
<p>Bored? Why? because she thinks that they’ll be too easy? or because she thinks that the schools lack an interesting environment?</p>
<p>What is your major?</p>
<p>Frankly, I don’t care how high your stats are, good schools will be a challenge unless you major in something that isn’t very academic. All good schools will have challenging Literature classes, Chem classes, Math classes, etc.</p>
<p>BTW…just because people ask you questions does NOT mean that you owe them the answers. Young people need to learn this. You can always say, “I’m still deciding”…These people are not owed the details of your life.</p>
<p>OP, you absolutely should apply to some elite colleges with high endowment. Amherst is one you could consider, for example, and also Dartmouth. Princeton is very generous, so that’s a good choice. (H and Y too, but they are larger and less LAC-like if you wouldn’t care about that.) You write very well and seem quite smart and mature. You may get in one of those schools, partly because your essays will be great. If you do, an elite school like Princeton may offer you a better overall financial deal than the merit aid at lower-ranked schools. That happened for my son. The top merit packages at several LAC’s like the ones you mentioned left him with a higher net cost than what he had to pay after financial aid at the Ivies that accepted him (which were not even HYP). D has even better aid at Stanford than S did.</p>
<p>Everytime someone says that you should just toss an app to X college, tell them that for each college app, it costs about $100 for app, score report, and CSS Profile. Tell them that if they’ll hand over the cash, you’ll consider doing the app.</p>
<p>Princeton’s FA calculator pegs our EFC at around $50k/yr.</p>
<p>And your parents will pay $25k.</p>
<p>Well, P gives the most generous aid, so there’s little point to even applying to the “super aid” schools. You’re not going to want to have $80k-100k in debt. Nor would your parents cosign such debt.</p>
<p>Apps take a lot of time, so it’s understandable that you want to devote your time to essays, apps for the schools with the most merit.</p>
Most of my family (uncles, grandparents) keep asking why I don’t just apply-- just try, just see what will happen. “You never know, it will work out, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, etc.” I’m planning to toss what-the-heck apps for Princeton and Claremont McKenna but see no reason to add a dozen reaches “just to see.”</p>