<p>I have written one or two notes to let her miss the first couple of periods of school when she didn't want to. </p>
<p>I guess it could be argued that by researching colleges and frequenting this discussion board we, the parents, are doing some of our children's work for them. If that is cheating, then I am guilty big time. Other than that, no, and I would seriously never entertain the thought. </p>
<p>See, the college search process is all about finding the right fit. When there is the right fit, admission is easy. Cheating to get into a more competitive college is like sucking your belly in while trying out clothes in a fitting room. Yeah, you might be able to get into that pair of jeans but eventually you are going to hate it. Most people I know try to find the jeans that fit perfectly.</p>
<p>There are stories of parents (possibly urban legends) writing their kid's college essay, doing a homework assignment when the kid was too busy/tired to do it, etc. Giving the guidance counselor an over-the-top expensive gift (bribe) for Christmas -- hoping the counselor will give the kid a much better recommendation, or just take more interest in that particular kid. I.e. You find out the counselor is a wine lover, and you buy them a super rare bottle. Of course it is wrong and awful and teaches the wrong message, but some parents are nuts and believe the end justifies the means. They think they are leveling the playing field because some (rich) kids have a unfair advantage with parents being able to make $$$ million contributions, etc.</p>
<p>I don't think it is "cheating" or immoral to "kiss a teacher's/counselor's butt" a little bit to make a good impression, but I would never give a gift of any type because I wouldn't want it to look like I was trying to bribe them. </p>
<p>I was a big Sopranos fan, and I always chuckle when I remember the episode when Carmela brought a baked ziti to the college admissions person at Columbia in hopes it would help her daughter Meadow get in. Also, remember when Carmela slept with her son A.J.'s English teacher? Then she tried to talk him into pressuring another teacher to give A.J. a better grade? </p>
<p>I wonder if Carmela reads College Confidential!!</p>
<p>^^oops, yea, I'm guilty....last year during college visits, cheaper flights were available on Thursday nights than Friday to fly to an accepted student visit.(I mean to the tune of $200 different)..had to pull her out of school to make the flight; soooo, I "changed" the date for the accepted student visit to Thursday and Friday(rather than just Friday)....yes, that's how ridiculously anal our attendence office was last Spring with absences.</p>
<p>I know someone who is so anxious about her child's college chances that her "help" extends into doing a large part of the application. Not the essays--although I get the idea that there is some serious "editing" taking place. The rationalization is that she is just a typist and is doing something that he does not have time to do, especially because he decided to apply to a bunch of EA schools just before the deadline.</p>
<p>I have always subscribed to the view that this is not helping a kid in the long run because this type of "support" is really about not believing in his or her ability to succeed on their own and about parental anxiety and striving. The ole--you can help him now, but mommy won't be there when he has three papers due in a one week thing.</p>
<p>But I have to say that there are flaws to this logic. These days it is probably a lot tougher to get into many schools than it is to stay there. Parents who help their kids to this extent are warping the system, but it's not necessarily true that their child cannot succeed later on (unless of course they have been doing his or her homework for many years). It's just an offensive undermining of the process. It's an honor system and these type of things make it unfair. I wish I could say that admissions committees can always see through it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
All of you are attempting to put forth this false image of perfection, when it is completely unnecessary. Who are you trying to impress?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>That's a pretty broad brush you're painting with. See the "parents of B+ students" thread for less-than-perfect students and the parents who are very proud of them.</p>
<p>New Hope, I am so flattered by your assumption about my computer abilities! I needed that ego boost after being outwitted by my *&^% computer yet again this morning. All is well now but the computer and me, we don't trust each other.</p>
<p>I had not thought to hire someone to take a test for your kid. Hmmmm... I'd like to think my ethical standards are too high but honestly my first thought was, "Then what? I'm going to hire this kid to go to college and do his school work?" I'm not sure how much faith I even have in these tests but I'd like to believe that they do help students find a good match. </p>
<p>At the end of the day, the nuns did a good job of instilling the fear of getting caught with the fear of eternal damnation. I'm no longer a Catholic but I find a moderate amount of guilt helps keep me out of trouble.</p>
<p>My kids go to a prep school. Some kids stay on Ivies' waiting lists that they don't plan to attend just to brag about the number of school they got in.
As far as doing homework for my kids that's something that will never happened. First, I don't remember anything past pre Cal , all I remember after taking four years of Latin is how to conjugate two verbs. Forget about writing ,English is my third language so if I want something well written I will have to enlist their help.
The only thing I do that may be cheating is when my oldest D can't come up with a subject to write about, I will give her some ideas.</p>
<p>Concerning this issue- I got the idea of hiring a "tutor" to write for the student.
Does anyone else have examples? Please be specific, like estimated costs to benefits- Best examples of ideas with a low risk of getting caught.
Maybe some ideas on how to get another person to take the SAT/ACTs- I understand fake ID are available in about an hour in downtown LA. </p>
<p>These will all be very helpful in avoiding this type activity.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>have you ever done anything mildly dishonest to help your kid get into a specific college, or just improve their grades in high school in the hopes that it will help them get into college?>></p>
</blockquote>
<br>
<p>No. And when my kids screwed up, I was the first one who asked they they bear the consequences (sometimes over the objections of the teachers who thought they deserved a "second chance").</p>
<p>I urged him to take more challenging classes than his friends did, in spite of the fact that the grades were not weighted.</p>
<p>I urged him to write those scholarship essays.</p>
<p>I did help "administer" the application process: deadlines, photocopies, etc. Because it turned out that I actually had more time than he did (ECs, 4 APs, fall sport, etc.). But he completed the applications ans wrote the essays.</p>
<p>In fifth grade, everyone in my daughter's grade was suppose to build a pyramid. For back to school night they had all of those pyramids displayed for everyone to see. My daughter made her pyramid out of marshmallows (she probably ate most of them), pitiful and lopsided. Then there was this 6 foot pyramid made of wood and real tiles (perfectly cut and color coordinated).This is no joke, this girl's father, a character right out of Sopranos, had his whole construction crew build the pyramid for his daughter. I was happy to know my daughter also got very good grad for her marshmallow pyramid</p>
<p>S2 decided to build a replica of the Globe Theatre for extra credit when his class was doing a Shakespeare unit in 4th grade. Well, it wound up being a mother-and-son project, and we had a really good time doing it together. S took it in to school, but told the teacher he had started it on his own, but he really wanted to actually finish it, so he asked me to help. The teacher thanked him for his honesty. I have no idea if he ever got extra credit, and S2 never asked.</p>
<p>I helped with administrative stuff re: applications for S1 last year (for a couple of very, very good reasons, he was out of town/swamped with other stuff during that time). However, I still hauled him out to Kinko's to make copies, the P.O. to complete certified mail cards, and Fed Ex to complete forms and package up the apps, because those were part of the real world, this-stuff-takes-time-and-energy-too tasks I wanted him to know how to accomplish before he headed off to college.</p>
<p>Didn't see essays until they were in fairly final form. We talked about topics at various points the summer before senior year, but ultimately, he found he had plenty to say without my help. </p>
<p>If a student can't write an essay, do HW or study without parental help, said student will be hard-pressed to succeed at any college, much less one that might be above his/her true abilities. I do, however, differentiate parental interference from the teaching/support that some kids with ADD/executive function and other learning issues may need. (Having two kids with some of these issues, we had MANY of those "live with the consequences" and teachable moments.)</p>
<p>OK...this could give away our identity. DS built a pyramid out of Legos for a school project. Have you ever tried to build a pyramid out of Legos? Doesn't work.</p>