<p>I never thought of making a campus visit without first conferring with my S. I quickly realized that he was making the adjustment to being away from us and reminded myself that I needed to do the same. Hence, I haven't visited although I have had him send me DVD's of his performances in his favorite EC.</p>
<p>At Spring Break I asked him about parents visiting campus. He said that very few OOS freshmen had their parents visit at his school, but related that there were a couple of in-state students whose parents visited all the time and that the students didn't appreciate these intrusions. </p>
<p>I feel that campus visits are an area where the student's wishes need to be taken into consideration. I doubt that I would visit just to make me feel better.</p>
<p>Breaks/holidays can be tricky. My S made friends early in the first semester. I also knew that he wanted to see a few old HS friends at Thanksgiving. We normally visit relatives out of town for a portion of Thanksgiving. We "invited" S to join us for the out of town portion. He declined. </p>
<p>By Winter break, he had lined up a trip to go skiing by crashing with an old HS friend who was taking a gap year and was working at the resort. We made our holiday plans and invited him to participate if he wanted. He did and then went to ski.</p>
<p>Spring break he flew with college friends to one student's parents' beach house and dropped through town to visit us for a few days before returning to campus. Since he pays for his break activities, I don't attempt to set requirements on him for breaks and holidays. This has worked for us.</p>
<p>I have posted on other similar threads regarding this topic. Our twins (and only children) left for college this past August. They are about an 8 hour car ride away and they are together.</p>
<p>Everyone who knows H and me, know that our lives completely revolve around our sons. Although we both work full time, we attended every sporting and non-sporting event and volunteered on most committees. My secretary threatened to take the month of August off because she was afraid how I would handle their leaving.</p>
<p>Admittedly, the first few weeks were depressing. Fortunately, we have many friends who were also "empty nesters" for the first time, so we went to dinner and kept ourselves busy. But the conversations always centered on each others' kids. How many times did they call? How did they sound? Whose child was not adjusting? etc., etc.,</p>
<p>But then all of a sudden we took advantage of the free evenings and weekends. The two-three loads of wash per week versus the 2 loads a day. Cooking 2-3 times a week versus 3-4 times a day!!!!!!!! We go on dates, I've taken up golf, we're renovating the house.</p>
<p>Do I miss them? There are no words to describe it. Do we relish every text or phone call -- you better believe it. Do we count the days until they'll be home or we're going to visit? Certainly! Does the dog suffer from depression each time they come home and then leave? I really need to get him anti-depressants. He's worse that any parent I know. </p>
<p>You will be fine. And guess what? They will be home in about one month having finished their first year. I don't know where the time has gone. So in about 4 months H and I will experience the entire process anew -- but much more adjusted than the first time!!</p>
<p>While I agree that you recapture some of the life you had pre-kid, it is a poor replacement. I chose my level of involvement in my child's life for a reason. I preferred it that way. It was the high point of my life. Remember what your Uncle Curmudgeon (your village's prime idiot) always says - "If it ain't vicarious then it ain't really living." </p>
<p>So my advice is to you OP : hang onto their leg as they are trying to leave the truck. ;)</p>
<p>I wonder if someone will have an advice. My only son will be leaving for college in 2008. About a month ago, he "out of the blue" expressed hatred for his stepfather (my husband of 9 years). Says he has disliked him for a while (without showing it) and is now ready to completely take him out of his life. The two now are not talking. I am very upset about it and afraid that somehow it will impact his going away process... Any thoughts?</p>
<p>Thanks for making me smile. "Hang onto their leg", indeed! If only it could be that simple!</p>
<p>BTW, I agree with a previous poster who said that, even though some of us have more than one child, it will be no easier to watch them go. I believe the previous poster likened it to having her heart ripped out and I can see how that will be true for me when DD1 goes away in the fall.</p>
<p>I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all the wonderful posts here. My only one, my D will be going to college in the fall and you have all helped me so much, emotionally as well as practically.</p>
<p>to Mattmoose - your post made me think of our family so much. Especially going on vacation without your son. We pretty much include our son in everything we do, unless school attendance prohibits him from being with us. In fact, since he was little, he had some part in the decision making process about where we went. I thought of us as a team of 3, rather than a parental unit of 2 and 1 child. I did try to draw some limits but in retrospect and so far, it (our lives) and he (my son) have turned out just fine.</p>
<p>to curmudgeon: Hanging onto his leg is within the realm of possibility for me when he leaves for school so - for the day school starts I booked a one week cruise for myself (H can come if he wants) that leaves from a port close to where we drop him off for school. The trip starts the same day we take him there. I am building in some insurance for myself and for my son so that I won't hang onto him at school, and also for my husband so that I don't cry all the way home in the car.</p>
<p>I also have to remember that I am really excited for him. He has always wanted to go to Princeton and I think he will be challenged and stimulated there.</p>
<p>To cat with 1 kitten: I am sorry for your situation. Being a step family must be hard. My first thought was that this was how your son needs to separate from his stepfather. It must be hard around the house with them not speaking to each other. I hope it passes quickly.</p>
<p>catwith1kitten --
Do you think there was some sort of catalyst for your son's announcement? That's pretty rough!
You have until August to sort through all this as a family. Are the two of them speaking at all? Are either amenable to counseling?<br>
I had a terrible relationship with my father, and I never really knew how it got that way. By the time I left for college, it was probably as big a relief for him as it was for me. All I can say is that the separation was helpful in our case. We never became close, but by the time he died suddenly in my junior year, we HAD actually started to appreciate each other a bit. For some people distance may actually be a good thing. That said, I'd obviously do my best to get them communicating before S. leaves. Good luck!</p>
<p>catwith1kitten, I am sad for you. No answers, just sympathy.</p>
<p>To all: when S left, I learned that I CAN live and walk around with a hole in my heart. I would be lying if I said that it was not difficult. But the truth is that it is survivable, and everyday I deal with it better. I don't know if the hole is smaller or if I don't pay as much attention to it now. I can say that I feel my heart smile when he is at home and I am in bed and know that he is down the hall in "his" bed, too.</p>
<p>I have three, but my baby is leaving this fall. The really sad thing is, yes they come home the first summer, and then maybe the second summer, and then by the third they are living in an apartment and are busy and when they graduate they go on to graduate school (or work) and live there full time and, well, they really don't live with you anymore!</p>
<p>Re curmudgeon's suggestion: When my sister took her oldest child to college, they planned the day so that her husband would do the "final" dorm drop-off (you know, the one where your kid walks away without looking back) while my sister waited at the hotel. The urge to hang on to her daughter's leg was just too strong.</p>
<p>As I was steeling myself to say my last good-bye to S1, he announced that he had to take a shower (it was 105 degrees!!!). So off he went leaving H and me in the middle of the quad. Off we went to say goodbye to S2. After H gave him a hug and parting words of wisdom and I prepared myself to say good-bye to my baby (after all, he was born 2 minutes after S1), a lovely young lady appeared who obviously had been crying and was looking for some help setting up her internet. S2 to the rescue! H spun me around, told me it was time to go and off we went.</p>
<p>We got very good advice from friends -- if at all possible take a short vacation after you drop the kids off at school. Don't go directly home to an empty house. So off we went to West Virginia, where we spent three days reminiscing and crying and hoping for a phone call or text message that never came until the ride home when S1 and S2 needed advice on doing their wash!</p>
<p>But, as I said in my previous post -- trust me - it gets easier. I think I only grabbed on to a leg once or twice since August!!!</p>
<p>Keep in mind that your child will most likely forget to bring something. That will give you the perfect excuse to go right back the next weekend to hand-deliver it to them. ;)</p>
<p>My only D is finishing her Freshman year at Univ of Michigan. We are in Los Angeles. I was terrified about her leaving but have found the past seven months to be wonderful. Daughters tend to be more communicative than sons, and, because of the frequent communication by phone or text messaging, I don't even miss her. Every once in awhile, though, I do miss the opportunity to just give her a big hug. She sometimes calls and says she needs a hug; I send virtual hugs. I am excited that she will be in LA for the summer but not so excited that I didn't suggest she live in the dorm at UCLA for part of the summer while she does an internship program. She will be here for 4 months and having her at home for 2 of the months will be plenty. She is a great kid, but I have grown to like the new calm in the house (to the extent a house with three large dogs can ever be calm).</p>
<p>You know that thread that's currently running about keeping the vigil? Maybe we can start a similar one in August/September for those of us with "onlies" who are leaving the nest.</p>
<p>My only child - a daughter - will be attending a school that's about 5 hours away (close enough to visit for the weekend but far enough to prevent us from "dropping by.") She's so geeked up about the experience, and so far I have willed myself to be geeked up for her. It's not always easy, especially as we hit those "last" milestones (prom shopping, anyone?) I am not usually the weepy type, but this last semester of school has been trying!</p>
<p>We had some really rough spots in middle school, but this senior year has been golden. She's been happy, relaxed, and excited. I have accused her of torturing me - being especially loveable just as she's getting ready to leave!</p>
<p>I asked this question on another thread, but thought I would ask here also. What happens when your child gets sick at school? Not gravely ill, but has a fever or flu for a few days or more. Do you take them home even if it is bad for them to travel? Do they stay in their dorm rooms? If they don't contact you, does the school contact you? (My son will be only 17 when he starts college in Sept.)</p>
<p>momofnew - My son has been sick a few times...bronchitis and really bad colds - maybe a flu. He's over three hours away and he did not come home nor did I expect him to. I got him to report to the school clinic to get checked out and get medicine. Sent a care package. It can't be fun to be sick in a dorm room with no privacy but I can't see him coming home unless it's really pretty serious.<br>
Hey, it's comforting to know that there so many of us out there. I've dropped my son off two years ago and I still hang on these boards! It's much better now. It was bad at the start though. I spent the ENTIRE car ride home crying...loudly.</p>