<p>My only child’s been in school for a couple of years now… since I’m allergic to animals, dogs aren’t an option. This summer, for the first time ever, I’ve attacked our gardening challenges with serious intention, obsessing over each little plant. It finally occurred to me that these plants have become my little children. I guess once a mom, always a mom.</p>
<p>I think others have touched on some of my feelings - I no longer hear all the wonderful anecdotes of the day, I don’t know the idiosyncrasies of her new friends, and I don’t have intellectual discussions about what she learned in school. Although she is in touch regularly, it is not the same as living together in the same house and interacting all the time. I think it is time to get a job (even just part-time). (No pets- I’m allergic and I already knit, read and volunteer at the library.)</p>
<p>Same situation here, only D is a freshman over a thousand miles away. I seem to chat lightly with her every few days on FB and enjoy seeing her status changes. We Skype or phone on weekends. She’s very happy at college and getting involved in a lot of activities and doesn’t seem to be freaked out by any of her classes, so we’re not worried about her. I’ve been a stay at home mom since she was in 7th grade, so I’ve been trying to sort out the house this fall and work on the yard. I promised myself I wouldn’t volunteer for ANYTHING for a year. Her Sr. Year in HS was extremely busy for me, and I just want to time to settle and think what to do next. Have to admit, there are times I’m depressed. I understand exercise would help.</p>
<p>Well, I can’t really suggest any wonderful alternatives, but I can say for me, I went from feeling like a chair that was missing a leg to a more normal feeling after S came home at Christmas the first year. As the saying goes, time is a great healer. You will get used to the new lifestyle, and as others say, be proud of yourselves for a job well done, because after all as parents, isn’t our goal to raise happy confident children who become happy confident adults?</p>
<p>There have <obviously> been many threads on this, including this sticky one: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/681300-so-what-do-you-do-empty-nest.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/681300-so-what-do-you-do-empty-nest.html</a></obviously></p>
<p>My only child (a D) graduated from college this year. I remember well those first months of the empty nest!</p>
<p>Pets help. So does volunteering - in 2008 I volunteered for one of the campaigns and I’ve become more involved in my church. But big projects and big undertakings helped me the most. After D went off to college I went back to school part-time to earn my teaching certification. Between the volunteering, the classes, and my full-time job - I didn’t have as much time to sit around and mope.</p>
<p>I have to say, though, that the graduation from college was just as hard on me as was the graduation from high school - if not harder. Now that D has a real job in a city that’s far-ish away, the reality has set it: no more Christmas breaks, no more summers at home, no more uninterrupted time with my kid. Of course I am thrilled that she has a job and a life of her own, but I still miss the more regular contact.</p>
<p>Oh, well. I’m kind of a weenie when it comes to this empty nest stuff. Skype! Texts! They all help.</p>
<p>OP,
Have another kid. It would be the most rewarding. The next in most reqarding list would be to discover a new hobby to fill after work hours that used to be filled by kid. I have tried the things that I used to do, did not work out. In my case, it needed to be something new. Others simply take it easy and go to bed early. It all depends on type of your personality.</p>
<p>Stalk her like a pro! Read every word of the school’s website, learn the bus routes of the nearest city… honestly, I am in the same position and this has been both interesting and helpful to me. In fact it was even helpful to her (if a bit spooky!) when I was able to tell her which bus went to the Whole Foods! </p>
<p>And, on a more reasonable note-- join the College class of 2016 thread…we’re all over there hearing about each other’s kids and it makes a big difference. Hugs!</p>
<p>I definitely stalk my daughter. LOL. No doubt. She knows it and MOST OF THE TIME appreciates it. LOL</p>
<p>I can go one better, stalking the instructors on Ratemyprofessor and finding their Twitter posts in a google search. </p>
<p>My D did find the bus to Whole Foods on her own, but it would have helped if I had searched the transit route first. We live in suburbs, this is her first foray into public transportation and they don’t offer AP classes in reading transit schedules!</p>
<p>An aside question, Do parents of “onlys” face any unique challenges in sending the child off? I tend to think it’s all more magnified when it’s the one and only.</p>
<p>Oh momsquad, I check out ratemyprofessor too, and look at possible schedules for my D based on it. Hi, my name is Cromette, and I’m a hover-mom.</p>
<p>I think it is easier for “onlys”. You do not worry about financing the next one while the older(s) is/are being financed already. You do not need to drag the younger one(s) everywhere. You can focus on one. If she calls (god forbid) that she is sick or just wants to see you, you just arrange at your job, hop in a car and go, you do not need to arrange care for younger siblings.</p>
<p>Crazy things that have made me miss my only child in the past 24 hours (she’s in her freshman year of college):</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Webinar announcement that explained the webinar would be in Portuguese with questions additionally answered in English and Spanish (my daughter LOVES languages and could have handled all 3 of these easily)</p></li>
<li><p>Blog post about a dancer in our local ballet company (she took dance from this dancer for several years and has followed her career)</p></li>
<li><p>Checking out a book from the library that I know she would love to read, too.</p></li>
<li><p>Seeing a recipe on pinterest for maple butter (maple’s one of her favorite flavors)</p></li>
</ul>
<p>So, I e-mail her, tag her in a re-pin of the recipe, and go on. </p>
<p>I remind myself not to fill my “empty” time with work (recently changed jobs because my old job was all-consuming and never-ending) and to put myself out there to try new things (I went to a basket weaving workshop on Saturday, just for fun.)</p>
<p>I stared a new “baby” – a non-profit that is very greedy of my time and doesn’t leave me as much time to hover. It makes the kids (have a S 5000 miles away & D is “only” 2500) intruiged to hear that both parents are busy and productive in their own ways.</p>
<p>The non-profit does require quite a bit of tending, but is rewarding in many ways as well. From that, have been elected to a national board and have been nominated to be the secretary on it. Have also just been chosen to participate in another national meeting, which takes me to S’s neighborhood. Would NOT have done these things while raising the kiddos.</p>
<p>:-) No pets, but we do plan to start traveling, as soon as H retires, which is slated for the VERY NEAR future. ;)</p>
<p>My only D started grad school this fall, after a year off doing pet-sitting/dog walking. I miss her, and worry about her, more now than when she started undergrad, because she’s much further away, knows no one at the school, and has been disappointed with her first apartment, where she is living alone. We do have a dog, and she misses D, who came home every day redolent of delightful animal smells, more than H and I do. </p>
<p>In addition to the many other great suggestions for keeping busy, I suggest thinking about learning to play bridge. Depending on your interests and where you live, it’s a great way to meet new people and keep mentally active. Now that my husband is retired, we play about times a week, and travel in connection with tournaments. Another good thing is that most bridge players are older than us so we feel young!</p>
<p>"An aside question, Do parents of “onlys” face any unique challenges in sending the child off? I tend to think it’s all more magnified when it’s the one and only. "</p>
<p>As a parent of an only, I can’t answer that since I have nothing to compare it to. I’ve always said that when you parent an only child, every single day is the first and the last time that we are able to experience raising a child at that particular stage. It certainly made us live in the moment, which made for a very rich 18 years. And yes, it was definitely magnified when he left for college. The college drop-off was all so new and exciting for us, but that evening when my husband and I sat at our kitchen table staring at each other, the finality hit us like a tsunami. It was a roller coaster of a day.</p>
<p>I feel for all of you, and I am just a freshman, since I miss my family a lot right now, but this separation also makes the bonds stronger I guess in a way</p>
<p>It’s been great to read this thread. D1 is in grad school; D2 a senior in college this year. I still “stalk her like a pro”! But I notice that I don’t do the same with D1. So, maybe it does get easier to let go. Being without them is the new norm; it’s just not really “normal.”</p>
<p>Try putting a 9th grade child in boarding school and emptynest blues are X1000. :-(</p>
<p>Have to second, third or whatever the new puppy idea. We got ours during only daughter’s senior year of high school. Husband warmed up to him slowly (did not want another dog) but it’s been almost five years and that dog is the best pet either of us has ever had. But I guess that only works if you’re dog people.</p>