I find it an intriguing idea. How does it work without the exclusiveness? What holds the couple together?if you are strongly attracted to someone outside, would you want to come home? If you are home, would you be present?
I assume there are as many ways to do it as there are people doing it. No one size fits all.
Itâs not for me, but I donât have a lot of judgment about it, I guess, as long as itâs consenting adults all in agreement. The problem is that I doubt a lot of time everyone is in the same place and honest about where they are.
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I am not judging anyone. I heard about it for a hike and started thinking about the mechanics of it. So far, I canâ figure out what ground rules are workable.
Is this a typo? âI heard about it for a hikeâ.
I would say itâs not for me either but I would be curious for couples that are open to thisâŠwhy bother getting married?? Just consider yourself heavy daters!
Maybe the decision to go âopenâ happens after youâve been married for awhileâŠ
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I honestly have no idea how it works with small kids to consider. Iâd be pissed if my partner was out with someone else when there was a grocery store run needed and school/practice pickup, a clogged toilet, a dental and eye doctor appointment in one day (yesterday!), and a billion other examples from our daily life. We can barely be in all the places we need now. Maybe just nighttime visits could work?
I guess what Iâm saying is that me and my children are my partnerâs top priority. It is why we both get up and go to work everyday. It is the time we spend together (not enough, in my book!). And while I like to think of myself as progressive on matters of love and sexuality, I just cannot get over the logistics. At some point, one person has to be a priority because of the limits of time, money, and legal instruments.
TBH, when I hear open marriage, I just think carte blanche banging other people. I know thatâs not accurate, but I canât see how you are a true partner when you literally arenât there.
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This type of arrangement would not work for me. And I imagine that eventually, many of these types of marriages donât work either. But letâs get real-monogamous marriages donât work for a great many either.
I would think for this to be successful, the partners must be in complete agreement about the ârulesâ involved and exactly what would be acceptable and unacceptable.
Different strokes for different folks!
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Are we talking about combining âhobbiesâ like parasailing or frisbee golf?
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Blame autocorrect. Coparenting canât be the only bond in marriage. We should consider childless couple in open marriage to simplify.
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I wonder if they get married for some sort of benefit (health benefits due to work?) or if it was a marriage to appease parents somehow, because otherwise I have to wonder why they want the piece of paper.
Definitely not for me. If H wants an open marriage he can just leave and stay gone. I want a true partner in all aspects of life.
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Of course I donât know for sure, but Iâm guessing that more of these open marriages become open after they initially get married and find that they are not satisfied with the traditional arrangement.
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Open marriage would not be for me.
My sister-in-law, while not legally married, lives with a long term partner and is in an open relationship and has other partners, and is very active in the polyamory community.
I guess for me I canât understand why people bother to stay in a marriage when they want to be with other people. It just seems like it would be easier to stay single, but what do I know.
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âMarriageâ is primarily a financial contract, as far as the government is concerned. The default contract terms are provided by the government; prenups can be used to change those to a degree. The non-financial stuff⊠I guess that can be up to the individuals.
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Itâs hard for many of us to imagine being happy in a marriage like this. Our inability to comprehend it doesnât mean that there are not people out there who absolutely are fine with this arrangement and still love their partners and want to remain married.
Is open marriage synonymous with âthe lifestyleâ (once referred to as âswingingâ)? I guess there may be a big difference between the two as open marriage could be construed as going your separate ways with others and swinging seems more of a joint venture. Not sure.
There are even âLifestyle Cruisesâ. I found this out when I tried to book a cruise for a specific week and had to be told that the week I was looking at would have brought us a huge surprise if I hadnât figured it out!
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I have a niece who is âPolyâ. I canât say I understand it.
Another thing to consider is for a couple to present themselves as a heterosexual couple while one or both of them are homosexual. In parts of our society, itâs still easier to be part of a âtraditionalâ couple while also exploring your true sexuality.
This would be an arrangement that would have to be beneficial to the couple.
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Once when H and I were at a conference, a couple of vendors invited us out for dinner. Over the course of the meal, they disclosed they were swingers and H and I thanked them for an interesting dinner and we headed back to our hotel room, without them. We are definitely very monogamous and not interested in exploring anything else.
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My hair stylist and his wife went out to dinner with a couple who asked them âDo you guys party? He said they said 'Sure, we like to party as much as the next guy!â
A few minutes later, they understood what they were actually being asked, and politely declined. Got back to their car and laughed hysterically until they cried. They felt somewhat naive.
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Iâm open for one to work in the garden since my husband refused to help me in that area.
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I mean itâs definitely not for me, but I have known people (online) who are poly, and they seem to be very intentional about how it works, what the relationship ground rules are, etc. I chalk it up to âeveryone is not the sameâ and what is right for me, isnât for others. I mean I know enough people in toxic monogamous relationships to know that that often doesnât work well either.
It would probably make more sense, if someone wants to know more about the choice, to read up on what poly people say, rather than speculating in a vacuum on why people choose it, whether/how it works, and other questions.
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