<p>My boyfriend just went to college (after a one year break after HS) and I'm probably not going to see him for a whole year. He's in Italy for a year and I'm in Kuwait until January, which is when I'm probably going to the states after transfering.</p>
<p>Anyway, we've agreed to have a moderately 'open' relationship. As in we can see other people and still maintain a boyfriend/girlfriend status to each other. </p>
<p>We're in a very serious long-term relationship and we do love each other quite a lot. It was very hard to come up with this decision. But it's unrealistic to expect a teenage guy not to see any women during college and it's also unrealistic to think that I won't get involved with any guys at all for a whole year. I don't want either of us to feel tied down and missing out on the "college experience" -- whatever that is.</p>
<p>We've agreed that sex isn't okay, just 'messing around'. </p>
<p>Do you think we made the right decision? What would you have done? And did you have to break up with your bf/gf when you went off to college?</p>
<p>It's not cheating if you both know about it and agreed on it, but you may as well break up. I guarantee one of you will have sex though, and just lie about it.</p>
<p>I have never quite understood the concept of 2 people being in a serious long-term relationship but deciding to have an open-with-some-rules relationship. It's just setting yourself up for someone to get mad at the other person. It just happened to someone I know actually...I have no idea why they decided on that situation to begin with. Maybe if you have a really casual relationship with someone and decide to keep it open it will work, but there's too much invested in it otherwise and someone is bound to get p*ssed at some point.</p>
<p>I personally can't stomach the idea of being with anyone else, but I'm trying to be open-minded about this because I don't want to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me.</p>
<p>The way I see it.. I feel like it's either this with a few rules or nothing and someone's bound to get drunk and high enough one day to slip up and that'll be cheating.</p>
<p>It's bound to happen, I feel. I don't want either one of us to get used to lying. I guess it's better like this with us open about it than going behind each other's backs and doing whatever, you know?</p>
<p>they aren't patronizing you, you did ask for opinions. </p>
<p>i think the idea of an open relationship is preposterous. to me, a relationship is a lot about trust and loyalty and devotion and if you have an open relationship it's just like giving your partner permission to cheat. Might as well break it off and get back together in a year. obviously the guys not that committed to you if he feels the need to mess around with other girls.</p>
<p>you should either make it "closed", or break up and do your own things and see where you are in a year. if you're both not in a relationship and want to carry one where you left off, go ahead. be honest. </p>
<p>but the whole open thing is retarded an doomed for failure. if you don't love each other enough to make it closed, then just break up. then nothing you do is questionable. you can always get back together after a mutual break up that isn't ugly. not so much after an open relationship gone bad b/c someone "just fooled aroundO" too much.</p>
<p>My boyfriend and I have talked about having an open relationship at some point, very casually, just because we both plan to do study abroad, which depending upon the way we schedule it, could mean an entire year apart. We decided that while we both enjoy the sexual aspect of our relationship, we'd rather not put ourselves through the mental and emotional torment, and we plan on investing in a web cam and skyping it up instead ;)</p>
<p>It's a really difficult situation to be in, but in my opinion, this whole "college experience" is just as unrealistic as the "high school experience". Everyone's life is different, and if you're both interested in dating around and meeting new people, and your college years won't be complete without it, fine. But if that's the case, but why have an additional exclusive relationship on top of it? </p>
<p>Have you considered other options for keeping in contact? Maybe you should talk to some military girlfriends, and ask them what sorts of things they do to keep the relationship going even when they're seperated.</p>
<p>I just don't see the open relationship as an healthy option for most people. Ditto on the swinging lifestyle. But whatever works for you...</p>
<p>The relationship is over. It's dumb to do such a thing. We're in love, but let's "mess around" with others? Break up and save yourself the inevitable later. /eyeroll</p>
<p>It sounds like you want to go mess around but save your boyfriend for later in case you don't find anyone else better. </p>
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The way I see it.. I feel like it's either this with a few rules or nothing and someone's bound to get drunk and high enough one day to slip up and that'll be cheating.</p>
<p>It's bound to happen, I feel. I don't want either one of us to get used to lying. I guess it's better like this with us open about it than going behind each other's backs and doing whatever, you know?
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Who are you trying to convince, us, or yourself? If cheating is bound to happen, then it's not a very serious relationship.</p>
<p>I don't want to mess around with anyone. And I know there's no one better for me. =</p>
<p>It's just that we've seen our best friends also doing the long-distance thing, and in those two relationships (after dating for like 3-4 years), someone did end up cheating and as a result they broke up. We don't want that to happen to us. </p>
<p>I think this is more precautionary than anything else. IF someone slips up, it'll be okay.</p>
<p>But if you're preparing for, and letting it be ok for slip ups to happen, then it seems as though your relationship isn't that strong to begin with. And, just because you or him says no sex will happen, doesn't mean it won't.</p>
<p>I don't know why you would be fine with your boyfriend doing sexual things at all with someone else. Even imagining my -hypothetical- boyfriend kissing another girl would anger me.</p>
<p>If neither of you really wants to date other people, why don't you agree that <em>if</em> something happens, you'll discuss how you feel first and try to work things out because you don't want to automatically end the relationship if/when cheating occurs?</p>
<p>It just seems like the open relationship makes it okay for this kind of behavior to go on, where as if you have no intentions of dating other people, it's probably a lot less likely to occur randomly. The only time hooking up with other people is inevitable is when you make it out to be perfectly fine to begin with.</p>
<p>Also, this fear of him lying to you about it is really unhealthy. Yes people cheat, and yes people lie, but you need to agree to eachother that if someone slips up, the other person is told openly and honestly about it, even if just for the sake of your health. If you really do love and care about eachother, you should also care enough to let the other person know if they might be at risk from contracting an STD. Opening up your relationship opens it up to problems other than the emotional kind.</p>
<p>But no one's going to be catching an STD from kissing. Oral sex is out too. </p>
<p>I didn't think there was anything to worry about until he brought it up. I think he's just really scared of anything getting into the way of our relationship and is just trying to make sure that all possible scenarios could be dealt with.</p>
<p>I'm trying to be an understanding girlfriend, I guess. But I'm starting to hate this idea. </p>
<p>technicaly you <em>could</em> catch an std from kissing. it's definitely not as common as other ways, but it can happen</p>
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I didn't think there was anything to worry about until he brought it up. I think he's just really scared of anything getting into the way of our relationship and is just trying to make sure that all possible scenarios could be dealt with.
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<p>Hmm....he brought it up? That makes me think that he's just getting the best of both worlds in this situation. It's win-win for him; he still has you as a girlfriend, but then when you're apart he won't have to completely be unable to do sexual things, or feel guilty if he does do things, because it will have been ok'd by you beforehand.</p>
<p>Well, honestly, I don't care if he gets the best of two worlds. Whatever makes him happy. </p>
<p>I'm just going to wait it out and see what comes out of this. If he does end up fooling around with someone and being normal about it and does it often, I'll know there's something wrong with the relationship. Like he knows that I don't like the idea, but if he wants it then it's okay.</p>
<p>I'll put it simply: how would you feel if word got back to you that your bf has been messing around at school. Sure you've okay'ed it, but would you really be able to just brush it off?</p>